MY MINIONS

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Warning! - This Blog May Contain:

violence, terrible grammar, gratuitous sex, strong odors, seed porn, and possibly improper French

Saturday, December 31, 2011

Happy 2012

It's been a hell of a weird and mean year for me and some of you too, my minions. Let's hope this one is a bit better.

Friday, December 30, 2011

Just A Note Before The Weekend

I can't sleep so that gives me a great excuse to play like an old lady sitting next to you on a plane and tell you about all my operations and pain experiences and grand kids and such. In other words I'm back to bother the shit out of y'all.

Had the left knee totally replaced. Yeah, yeah. It's a pain in the ass right now but what can I say. I asked for it. I got out of the hospital on Thursday last week but I wished I could have stayed another two days. I felt like, wait, I FEEL like shit warmed over right now. Pain is unbelievable but I have my meds and can control the pain on my own. That's a good thing.



David is home for the whole week and hasn't watched a single episode of Jerry Springer *GASP*!  I know!!! It's like he's was abducted by aliens or something. He has been working like a mad man on the cabinets in the kitchen. He waits until I get up in the morning so he won't wake me up with all the sanding noise from the sander I got him six years ago. The man is just finding out all the cool toys I bought him when I was still working. I have a picture of one of the cabinets that he finished to show me how the rest of them will look. It's awesome! The light brown paint job on the outside makes the kitchen look bigger and brighter. I love it! 


David will be going back to work next week so I will be on my own. No more hand maiden to wait on me hand and foot. No more loud sanding on the cabinets and such. Whatever shall I do?? BWAAAHAAhaahahahahahahaaasnort! Sorry, I just had to get that evil out of my system. 



Thursday, December 29, 2011

I'm Back

Hello my dear minions. I know I said I would be out for a few weeks, but there is this thing called boredom. Yeppers,I'm bored out of my gourd right now while I'm lying here in bed partially zonked out from my meds. So I have been busy looking for shit to get into. While I was doing that, I found this. I know that most of you have seen this video but there are still a few of us who live under the proverbial rock. So you under-rock-dwellers, please enjoy.


Sunday, December 18, 2011

Notes

Mmkay. Thought I'd let everyone of you know I will be out for a few weeks. Yep, just like the last time when I had the other knee done. I will be going into the hospital on Monday morning at 6am for the total left knee replacement. I should be out on Thursday hopefully in the morning. David is ready to take care of me and I'll have my meds ready here at home before I arrive so there won't be any waiting while I'm in pain. So why do I have this really bad feeling something will not go as planned. Hmmmmm.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Friday, December 16, 2011

Friday Funny



A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the beltway outside Washington, D.C. Nothing was moving.  Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.

The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"


"Terrorists have kidnapped Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom.  Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire.  We are going from car to car, collecting donations."

"How much is everyone giving, on average?" the driver asks.

The man replies, "Roughly a gallon."

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Letters From Santa And The Mrs.

Just a few cracked Santa letters you might enjoy.





Dog Video Gamers Out There

For all you dog owners out there. Here is a funny cartoon I found for you.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Weird Wednesday or The Ultimate Christmas Yard Decoration

My hubby/plaything sent this to me via email and I laughed my ass off at it. I didn't post all the pictures but you can find the whole thing on the web. Check out all the details that went into this.

The site is near the Oak Creek Bridge on the St. Michael’s Road [MD 33].  The folks who own the property always have eye-catching displays celebrating various ‘holidays’ through the year…  this year they have certainly outdone themselves! 












 

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

My Yearly Christmas Playlist Is Out

Yeppers, that's right. I added a couple of songs and deleted some I really didn't think were all that funny. So I hope you enjoy the music while running around in my blog. Enjoy, my minions.

Monday, December 12, 2011

The Crazy Witch's Daybook

My Mood:  Yeah whatever. I'm soooooo freaking bored right now. I was going to work on my BOS today and get a few pages done but I'm not in the mood. Maybe later.

Freaky Shit Over The Weekend:  I watched the GOP debate and just laughed my ass off. As usual our beloved STUPID Governor Rick "Prick" Perry made an ass of himself, as usual. The man needs to shut up. But nooOOOOooooo. He goes and opens his stupid yap and makes a complete idiot out of himself which isn't hard and picks a little fight with Romney over mandates and what he said in a book.  One  thing my sweet minions. Please consider this.

Never ever vote for ANYONE FROM TEXAS FOR PRESIDENT. 
Just sayin...

I was working on my exercises for my right knee on Saturday and of all things, I pulled a muscle in my calf. SHIT!!! That was so fucking painful. I should have warmed up first but I was in a hurry. I had a hard time walking the whole weekend so I had to grab my cane. I finally got things back to normal this morning. But dang! That was one painful lesson.

David is still working on the kitchen. He was playing around on his favorite web site HomeDesperateDepot.com. He was looking around in there for the counter top and back splash that I wanted. Sneaky bugger. Me thinks he shall get this done while I am in the hospital. At least I think he will. He's sneaky like that.

Our first yule together, back in 2002. He bought a chef's kitchen island that I oooo'd and ahhh'd about in World Market in Austin. It had a marble inlaid top and wine rack on the bottom. It was absolutely gorgeous. He went all the way back to Austin to get it for me while I was working. I cried croc tears on Yule when I opened it up. Best Yule ever. Mmkay, what did I get on the Humble Meter?

What I'm Reading: I finally got my newest Chloe Neill book, Drink Deep. Yes I'm an avid reader of all things Vamp and Witch. She combines both worlds and I just love it! Her 6th book comes out in August. The only thing I can say is, if you haven't picked up this book yet do so but start with her first one Some Girls Bite. She's awesome!

Other Shit and Ramblings:  Since I had my right knee replacement I haven't had much of an appetite.  I was told that some people lose their appetite when they have surgery like mine. But it was totally weird. Because while I was in the hospital for those three days I only drank cranberry juice or ate jello. David kept prodding me to eat but I couldn't.

It got to the point that I stopped eating at home too. I just gave the excuse that I was in too much pain to eat something. Which was also true. It was like I just couldn't eat with the pain going on in my knee. So now I'm eating somewhat. But it's like a hit and miss. Like for tonight, no dinner for me cause I'm not interested. I still cook for David but I'm just not hungry. When I get better after this left knee surgery coming up, I sure hope this continues. I'll be working out again at the Wellness Center by February. Then the pounds should be melting off from all the activity.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Okay, I Decided

Sorry, my minions, but I've been busy getting things in order. I went to see my doctor for my knee and we are set to do the left one on the 19th of December. Yes, yes, I know. "What a glutton for pain and punishment." Just blame it on my Catholic upbringing. BWAAaahahhaaaahahaaaa!!

MMkay. I got that evil shit out of my way.  Thank you all for your input for the surgery. I finally chose to do it when I walked into the doctor's office. I figured, WTF! I had the other one done I might as well get this one too. Besides, the insurance covers it 100% with zero out of pocket and David didn't know what to get me for Christmas this year.

The bad thing is, is this is gonna suck slimy canal water big time. I will be out of the hospital on Yule but I will still miss being able to celebrate and do my yearly rituals. It really sucks in the worst way.  I'll be confined to bed for at least two to three days. And the bad thing is that I'm still recovering with the pain from the right knee replacement. Goddess!!  I'm so into S&M!!! BWAAHAhahahahaaaaasnort! Sorry, it's the drugs talking.

Oh I also got a nice little shot in the ass really my hip this morning while in the doctor's office. I have a bursitis problem with my right hip. Ever since the weather changed to wet and cold it's been acting up so he shot me up. I feel so good now. It should be good for 100,000 miles or one year. Which ever comes first. So now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to put some mileage on by walking on the treadmill.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Knee Pain - Is There Any Relief Other Than A Gun

Mmkay, I am seriously thinking hard about weather or not I should get my left knee done. I'm not kidding here I'm scared that I made the wrong choice in starting the knee replacement with my right knee. This is eating me up and I have until Tuesday next week to decide what to do. So I am asking for help.

If anyone has had a knee replacement for arthritic knees and is over weight. Please let me know how you are doing. I want to know if you are having pain and when it hits you. From the tiniest ache to throbbing "get me a freaking gun so I can shoot myself " type pain.  

I am so serious here and I would really appreciate anyone who will help me make this decision. I am still in a great deal of pain even after doing my exercises and riding my exercise bike. I have trouble standing because of the pain and stiffness, so it is hard to make dinner much less do laundry and cleaning the house but I get it done. My nights are really bad because the pain is constant. I am in my sixth week of recouping from the surgery which was on the 24th of October.

So if anyone would like to help me please do. If you don't want to put it in the comments on this post then email me.
Thank You so very much my friends.
     

Monday, November 28, 2011

Yeah, I Guess It's Monday


I hate Monday mornings but there is a good side to today. David finally went back to work after a whole Thanksgiving week off. So that meant I got to lay around and do absofuckinglutely nothing until 11 am. Yeppers, the puppies and I layed in bed like lazy ol' bears. Not a care in the world. Finally, I had the whole house to myself, with the puppies of coarse.

So what did I do??  I cleaned and did laundry! It felt so great to be able to do something again without someone breathing down my neck.

Oh something else to share. I have pictures of the walls and ceiling of the kitchen that David finished taping and floating (plastering over and over and over and ... he's so fucking anal retentive) and painting with a primer. It looks great with the white primer but it's so freaking sterile looking. So here are the pics.


One of the LED lamps he pulled down to paint around


He put up the vent enclosure like I wanted

He finally finished the old oven enclosure and we put in the  microwave and some pots and pans

See how white these walls are

This linoleum is going next. In comes the Bamboo flooring
I have no idea when he will start on the cabinets, counter top or the backsplash. I'm thinking my kitchen will be done around possibly the 4th of July if I'm lucky. But I'll keep y'all posted.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Itchy Dancing

My husband, David and I have this fantastic rug for our bedroom. It's a huge ruff bamboo.  I found out today while I was doing my exercises that the puppies love it too.

Pebbles and The Spunkinator get down and dance (sorry no pictures) on the rug while I'm doing my knee and leg routeen. They start out with the dying fish out of water number. I can only describe it as, well two fish wiggling back and forth, wiggling head to touch toes which is exactly what they do on their backs.

They wiggle from side to side on their backs and make hacking noises like they're dying. Then they stop for a moment and catch their breaths. Pebbles then turns over on her stomach and starts doing the lizard drag while Spunky watches.  It's something like a lizard holding itself up on his front legs while dragging his back useless legs around on the floor. Arching the back is key so that the stomach makes full contact with the rug.

By the time I am done with all ten exercises of my own, they are done with their dance itch relief routeen. I tried to take pictures once but as soon as I get the camera into view they stop and give me dirty looks like this is their private dance. It's not for the whole world to see. Little prima donnas

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone

         Happy Thanksgiving My Friends!!

I'm so freaking busy I don't have time to think or even post anymore. It's absolutely crazy around here and I have to apologize to all my minions and non-minions because I haven't posted in over a week and a half .

David has been off all week since it's Thanksgiving. That makes it hard to do things I want to do cause he's underfoot all the time and won't let me do anything. Also, he is being a total anal shithead. He has plastered and replastered the walls and ceiling in the kitchen, not to mention sanding the rough plaster which produces so fucking much dust all over the kitchen and gets tracked throughout the house. I want to plaster him but good. I never thought I'd say this but I wish he'd just sit in front of the TV and watch Jerry Springer all day.

But I did get the laundry done and some house cleaning finished before today. I took his sanding toys away and hid them in the trunk of my car until after today is over.

I had my last in-home physical therapy yesterday (Wednesday) and got a great rating. Sarah, not her name, said she will be submitting her report to Dr. D by next week Friday. I was able to bend my knee 110 degrees which is what is needed to pass. I was so excited and I had no pain at all except for my bad knee. Soooo that means if the report is favorable as I know it will be, the total knee replacement surgery will be done next month on my left knee as planned. I'm so excited. Yes I know I'm weird. But that's me.
If the doctor says yes, then we will do the surgery on the 12th of December and I will be out on the 15th. Hoping everything goes well here.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

I'm Two Weeks Ahead

Hello my dear minions. I'm back.  So very sorry for the long hiatus that I took. I am ashamed that I left my friends and loved ones without letting you all know about it and when I would be back. But I am back for a while.

xray of knee replacements (not mine of coarse) notice staples in right xray
This past Tuesday I went to finally get my staples out of my right knee and got x-rays of it and the left knee. It was so fucking awesome to see something foreign inside my knee area even though it feels like I have a normal knee joint. It's going on four weeks now and I've been walking with nothing, no cane, no walker, nothing since the second week. My in home Physical Therapist said I'm two weeks ahead of myself in recovery, which is so fucking amazing to myself. But I'm going to slow it down a bit so I don't overdo it and end up back where I started three weeks ago.

To let you understand the pain, it's still like something on the maddening side of reality. I wouldn't wish this on my worse enemy except my sister Barb. Yeah, you bitch! But thank the Goddess for painkillers. My problem is to remember to take the little buggers before they wear off and I go insane. Those of you who had any kind of joint replacement like a knee or hip, know what I'm talking about.

For those of you who haven't, all this is an FYI to take care of your joints if you're young or if this is hereditary like mine, thank you mom, you bitch  then try to still take care of yourself and exercise regularly to keep the weight down because in most cases this is from keeping a large amount of weight. So I have heredity and weight on the bad side of me. Yippy! But I am trying to get the weight off. When I get the left knee done and the staples out I will be schlepping my fat butt over to the Wellness Center to not only work my knees but to work the weight off too.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Just Some Stuff To Keep You Up To Date

Thank you ALL for sending me healing thoughts. They have helped a great deal. I feel wonderful for someone who had surgery to replace a knee only a week and a half ago. I mean to tell you that it's not exactly something I would do every day. It surely was not a piece of cake and the pain was a mother fucker to go through.

I have a fantastic Physical Therapist who treats me like shit. She makes me work hard. Wish I could get a treat for doing something good. ahahahahahaaa! She says I'm still two weeks ahead of many of her other patients in their exercises.  I'm now walking around without a cane while many others are still on their walkers. My doctor is very happy with what is happening. I will be getting the staples out on Tuesday this week so I plan to get totally blitzed before I go. I might take pictures of the removal if I can function.

This week I will be taking new pictures of the kitchen renovation. Don't expect something great on this cause David has been busy taking care of me and then working too. My poor baby is getting so tired. He deserves to go fishing or something he likes to do to relax.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Freaky Friday

Mmkay my sweet minions. I promised some of you pictures of my stapled knee so that means ALL of you have to endure the grizzly pictures. Yes and they are so mouth watering too.



Thursday, November 3, 2011

Quick Note My Loves

I went to see the doctor this morning.  He will take the staples out for sure on Tuesday the 8th. In the mean time I am going through butt loads of pain and swelling. He said it was normal.

I'm totally on the cane now and going up and down stairs. My PT person is kicking my fat fluffy ass all over the place. I am really hurting right now so I am taking a couple of my meds and getting an ice pack. I will have pictures for you all on Freaky Friday MWAAHAHAHahahahahahaaaa!!!!!

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

I"m Back For A While

I made it through the surgery with flying colors, my minions. I went into the hospital and had the total knee replacement in 45 minutes and spent an hour in recovery, which is normal. Then got out of the hospital on Thursday.  Drugged but not painless. Shit!!

A few funny stuff I noticed. The OR had one entire wall area with a table covered in drills, I counted four of them. They were all nice and shiny stainless steel. All sizes of drill bits imaginable.  Mallets, hammers, screws, metal plates, claw plates, chisels, cutters, etc, etc.  This table could make any man whine and cry if not dribble like one of Pavlov's dogs. maybe even make Home Desperate envious.

They didn't put me "out".  They gave me an epidural, which was fucking weird as shit. I was awake for the whole thing and it was way cool!!  It felt like he was guiding his finger over my knee when he was cutting into my knee.  When I said that was so cool, the anesthesiologist asked if I felt pain. I told her no but she still asked if I would like to be put out for the rest of the procedure. I told her no. Through the whole thing I just felt light pressure and feather like touching of my knee. It was great. I got to hear all the drilling and cutting and the "oops" now and then. I told the doctor to check the oil and transmission fluid too. Everything was good under the hood.

I counted 25 staples going into my knee when he finished. David  was with me when I was in recovery. I was trying to move my toes by then. That was a strange feeling to go through. They get my final vitals in my room connected my ass to every IV, oxygen and my new little best  friend, my fentanyl pump. I actually locked myself out of the pump twice. My nurse checked it and adjusted the lock out  for me.

I started walking with a walker on Tuesday and now I'm walking with my cane off and on. My PT said I'm three weeks ahead of myself. I need to slow down or my ass will catch fire. I have Home Health and a Physical Therapist come in three times a week to teach me new exercises and to make sure I'm doing the stuff they left me.

Other than that I'm just puttin along as best I can. Trying to stay one step ahead of the fucking knee pain. I will still be around reading blogs when I can. But for now I have a couple of Hydrocodone pills with my name on them. Ciao.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Just To Let You All Know, My Minions

I found out my time I will be going to surgery on Monday morning. It's at 7am, so don't expect any posts from me for a while. i should be out of the hospital on Thursday. After that who the hell knows what will happen.

I do know I will have physical therapy almost every day. As I progress in my therapy, that will taper off and I will be back in the pool again. Well, unless the doctor sees me and decides to replace the other knee, hopefully before December starts.

SO ... just sayin, I won't be around for a week maybe two. But to keep you happy here are some cartoons I found.












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