MY MINIONS

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Warning! - This Blog May Contain:

violence, terrible grammar, gratuitous sex, strong odors, seed porn, and possibly improper French

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Things That Go EEP In The Night

Has anyone ever tried to sleep with back and hip pain, on a heating pad, while Fat Albert gets in and out of bed, and the USA Olympic Hockey team is playing in your kitchen, and all the while your husband sleeps like a baby through it all?? Well bunkie have I got a night for you.

David and I always go to bed at 8pm every night. No ands ifs or buts. I don't mind because I liked getting up early in the morning. But lately my pain has this great big fucking choke hold on me.

Anywho, last night we went to bed like usual and we allowed Spunky, our male Boston to run the house. Meaning he could go anywhere and sleep anywhere he wanted except with the girls, Lucy and Pebbles who were locked up in the kitchen. First off that was a big mistake, because I was hurting and the Tramadol wasn't working. But we all snuggled down to sleep except me on my heating pad.

Then the real fun started. Spunky decided to move his big 'ol chunky body up from the foot of the bed to my left side. Yes he strategically set his ass right in the direction of my face. Then he let one go that would have made a skunk proud. All I heard was very loud KA-BRUMPH. He had jumped off the bed and made a run for it. I called out, "swine dog!!" Then turned off the heating pad and started to fall asleep.

Then I hear KA-GINK, KA-BONK. I turned over to listen but the dogs weren't barking so I went back to bed. KA-GINK, KA-BANK, KA-BINK. "EEP!!" KA-BANK.
What the hell is going on? So I get up cause the noise is coming from the kitchen where the girls are. I turned on the flashlight and they are splayed out on their blankets like they made a running jump for them. I said,"I don't have a clue as to what you girls are doing but you better stop."

I got back in bed and Fat Albert (Spunky) was at the bottom of the bed. He immediately made for my left side and settled in. I let him know that if he farts in bed he's dead meat. I turned up the heating pad and all was quiet. I'm just getting to sleep  when, KA-RUMPH!! Fat Albert is on the prowl. Growling all the way down the hall and into the media room where he falls asleep. I turned over and think it's high time I get some sleep when, KA-BINK, KA-BANK, "EEP!!" KA-BINK.

I tip toed to the kitchen to see what is going on. Turn on the flashlight to find Lucy in the corner with her empty food bowl and Pebbles facing her. Both looking very guilty. They were playing hockey again. I had caught them once before many months ago and David forgot to pick up Lucy's bowl before coming to bed.

I picked up the bowl and asked who won. Then I asked who wanted to go outside. All three ran out when I opened the door. I fixed the girls beds. Turned down the heat a bit to 67 and got a drink of water. It's about 28 outside and I am in no hurry to let them in just yet. I'm sipping my water while three little bodies are shivering in the cold night. There was no more noise  after I let them in.
Hmmm. Payback is a bitch kids. So Don't mess with the mama.

3 comments:

  1. Lol, revenge is sweet! My flatmate has the delicacy of touch of a baby elephant, and bounds around the house when he's up and at 'em. He has learnt, however, that there are times to be up and at 'em, and times that I will kill him. As pet training goes, he is getting there, slowly...

    Sorry, had to edit, LMAO that my text to enter when posting was 'dogramr', how apt!

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  2. Aaaaaaaaahahahaha... If only I could shove the kitties outside when they stampede around the apartment all night... le sigh. So... who won the hockey game?

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  3. Ahahahahahaha! Dogs are a pain in the ass aren't they, but those faces! My boxers have so many antics I don't even know where to start. Jerry Garcia is a sneezefarter. At first it was funny, now it's just .... smelly.

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let 'er rip

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