MY MINIONS

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Count Down To:

Warning! - This Blog May Contain:

violence, terrible grammar, gratuitous sex, strong odors, seed porn, and possibly improper French

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

The Crazy Witch's Daybook

My Mood:   My Unkymood Punkymood (Unkymoods) still, The Hydrocodone is killing my mood. I feel anxious inside but I'm moving like a Zombie. ahahahahahaasnort. excuse me.

What I'm doing in regards to my fat fluffy ass today: Well, right now this blog post. But I do have to get Davids tomatoes watered then water the front yard and stuff. I need to do laundry cause David didn't do it over the weekend and I am not supposed to do anything (wild cackle) strenuous . But I guess I'll have to break it up into little stuff to pick up and I'll get it done. Other wise after the laundry I am going to try to clean house (wild cackle can be heard again) SHUT UP!! and repot a few new herbs that need it.

What Bothers me: Is that my hubby/plaything, David has a fucking greener thumb than mine. I mean look at these tomato plants!  They're like six fucking feet tall. The fence behind it is seven. Damned hubby with the green thumb did all that. I just showed him how and things took off from there.

Other pictures of his Most Greenous Highnesses work. The front yard. I don't know if you can see it but I have moon flowers winding themselves on the white trellises. Front and center next  to the steps are my two gardenias finishing up their first blooming then my knockout roses and bougainvilleas right behind them. Crawling up the side is the wisteria. Also notice David's grass. He worked hard for this. I'm a  bit miffed that everything finished blooming when I was able to take this picture. I was in bed with my back problems when it was all in it's glory.*Sigh*

I was able to take this little picture of a Cardinal who has been living in the pecan tree. Sooo pretty. We had a load of them this year. I guess they like the climate.

What I'm Reading:


I have only one thing to say in regards to poor Sookie. TV has fucking BUTCHERED the book series. It is not true to the books that I have read. I think that is why I hate watching any TV program  or movie that is based on a book  series or any book for that matter. Otherwise the book is pretty damned good so far.

What's for din din: I was going to make stuffed peppers for dinner yesterday but we ended up going to San Marcos for lunch/dinner to celebrate my step-daughter's birthday. We had a wonderful time together as always. Talking and laughing and watching the tubers on the river below us.
I got off track again, sorry. Anywho, I'm making meatballs with a curry sauce, brown rice, spinach salad with balsamic vinegarette. MMMmmmmm Yummy!!!!!

Monday, May 30, 2011

Happy Memorial Day

Happy Memorial Day my dear minions. Please don't forget our troops that have given their lives for us and those that are far away fighting in Afghanistan and Iraq. Also remember those that are stationed in foreign lands. Otherwise have a great holiday and stay safe.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Strange Cool Shit On 9 Gag.com

 I love strolling or is it trolling. Well maybe both. But I love 9Gag.com

Check out this cool rainbow hair. I love this, but then I'm also crazy.
Huge Nutella for us Nutella fanatics like me.
Check out this Police Line scarf. I need to find out where this is sold.

A bacon scarf for all you bacon  lovers

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Look A Sale On Kids!!

Friday, May 27, 2011

CDC Warning

David sent this to me. Guess he's bored at work again.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

The Crazy Witch's Daybook

My mood: My Unkymood Punkymood (Unkymoods)  Like really. I'm making this blog entry kinda short and sweet. I just got over being fucked up from my antibiotic I was taking for the incision in my back. Yeppers, that bitch snuck up on my fat fluffy ass and nearly stuck me in the hospital. It drained every stinking drop of water and then some from me. At first I thought it was a bug but then I thought about the last time I had this feeling of being a dried up lake bed and the light popped on. Well duh!  After four days and a shit load of G2 I feel a bit better. At least I'm walking like the living dead and doing stuff around the house now.

What pisses me off: Yes, David, the love of my life and all, who would rather watch Jerry Springer than touch the laundry or do just one fucking thing around the house for me while I'm trying to die peacefully of an antibiotic reaction and back ache, didn't do a fucking thing except ask every five seconds if I needed something. Yes!!! A fucking gun to shoot me with. Dambit all to hell!!!

He really pissed me off to no end this time. He said he was taking off two days to take care of me while I was convalescing. Bull shit!! The house had dried mud tracked all over the floors from the front to the back doors. Dog food stains on the floors where he fed the puppies but never cleaned up the spills. Dishes in the sink and laundry piling up in the dining room of all things.

To top it off the house smelled awful from him not emptying the garbage, the laundry sitting, and just plain filth. I was so pissed off. So yesterday I spent the day mostly cleaning and doing laundry. I would lay down if I felt bad, but I got it done. He came home for lunch while I was in bed and said, "well someone is feeling better. Got a wild hair up your butt didn't you?" I wanted to kill him but I didn't feel like digging a hole to hide the body. Besides, I'm not supposed to do anything strenuous for three to four weeks.

What I'm doing today:  Not one fucking thing!!! I am going to take Little Hal into the bedroom with me and I'm going to lay down and take it easy all fucking day. Catch up on all my reading, blogs, news, etc.

What's for din din:  Absofuckinlutely nothing. David can pick up something on his way home again. I haven't cooked or done anything in that kitchen except clean it up since my surgery. It still hurts too much to stand for  two minutes or more.  So no soup for you!!

Saturday, May 21, 2011

I Want This

I have always wanted a very small cottage to play around in. Something that I could have a veggy garden nearby and beautiful wild flower garden all around it with a small set of comfy Adirondack chairs and a table outside for tea or eating lunch. A big comfy set of chairs and a place to sleep when I get tired of reading or while listening to music. Just a pretty little place to get away from everyone. Something like this below. How about you?

Friday, May 20, 2011

I'll Be Busy Tomorrow So I'm Posting This Now

This is for Saturday because I'll be busy looting Christians that Raptured. BWAAhahahahahahahahaasnort!

Rapture May 21st

I'm Alive!!!

I'm alive and well on day two after my surgery yesterday. Got to the Surgical Center at around 08:30 in the morning. Signed some papers and sat for almost 10 minutes and they called me back to pre-op. They gave me a gown like 2 sizes to big which made me look like a kid. At least my butt wasn't hanging out.

I did a sashay across the floor like I was modeling the latest fashions while Becky(not real name) was introducing me in a cute voice. "Here's Leeanna, wearing what everyone should be wearing this summer in the OR. Made of cotton, this cute little light blue number also has two sets of belt ties for what you want to or not want to show in the surgical suite. The matching hair bonnet comes in blue to match the your outfit. Dark blue booties are optional."

She came over to help me get into the bed and started to put the white hose on my legs and tickling my feet just for grins. She said there is also a hot pink tutu with black lace and sequins that I get with the stockings. I was all so happy. We got along very nicely. Laughing and joking. Personally I think it was what they gave me in my IV that made me laugh so fucking much.

She said that they will need to get my waist measurement  for my back corset later when I go to pee before they take me into surgery. She also said that it would be over nighted to my house and I need to wear that thing everytime I walk or sit but not in bed. It's a backbrace corset like what the people who lift heavy loads wear.

Anywho, after they prepped me and sat me up and then gave me a pain shot, Becky went to the waiting room and brought David in to sit with me for another hour. While he was there I started laughing at the strangest shit. I really do think it was the drug they injected. I told David about the nurses and the fashion show, the tutu that I was getting. He just shook his head and looked at the IV bag to see what I was getting.

Funny things started happening and I couldn't stop laughing. Like when I leaned forward to fix my stockings then I leaned back against the pillow and it let out some air like a whoopie cushion. It was hilarious. I did it twice and all I could do was laugh so hard I had tears running down my face. Then David starting hitting me on my arm with the disconnected air hoses from the blood pressure cuff. I was yelling spousal abuse, spousal abuse and the girls were laughing. Becky said I was the funniest patient they had ever had.

Dr. G finally got there after his rounds at 10:30 and they shot me up in my IV with something cause I was sleeping like a baby before I entered the OR. I was out two hours later and in the post-op for an hour, which I don't remember at all. David later told me the doctor said he took out four bone spurs and found out I had one that had broken off and was hidden under the nerve coming out of the side of my spinal cord. That was the main cause of my pain when I went to the ER four weeks earlier screaming for a gun to end it all.

Anywho that ugly prickly thing was the size of a large pea with all kinds of little spikes sticking out of it. Doc said that I should be up and walking by Friday and I am. It feels good to have no pain or buzzing running up and down my legs.  AND NO MORE LYING IN BED ALL FUCKING DAY LONG!!!

He also told me no lifting, pulling, pushing and no bending over to touch my toes or exercise for three weeks, at which time I will see Dr. G and have my staples out. Hopefully I will be totally pain free by that time. Goddess, please hear me. Make this the last time I have to have any surgeries for like forever.

Now today I feel better. I want so much to go for a walk around the block. But I better not do that yet. I don't want any problems. I still have pills to take like my pain meds and antibiotics. I have a  bit of hoarseness from the intubation during surgery but other then that I feel great. Thank you all for the well wishes I really appreciate them. They help me to know I have such sweet cool friends like y'all. Thank you so much for all the love. Okay what did I get on the humble meter?

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Just Sayin

Glad he's not running

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Brain Freeze

Anatomy of a dog brain freeze.

The Crazy Witch's Daybook

My mood:My Unkymood Punkymood (Unkymoods)shitless

What I’m doing with my fat fluffy ass today: I need to call the Surgical Center and pre-register this afternoon so I don’t have to do so much paper work on Thursday.  YES!! I have the final okey dokey from our medical insurance. They will be covering my fat ass with a great big blanket so I don’t show the world every little detail 100%. Very happy here, donchaknow.
I passed my physical and everything is looking great for the surgery. I am just a bit scared cause you never know what will happen while I‘m out cold. Shit, they could take pictures of me in awkward poses and have them on Facebook and Youtube before I get home. Who knows.

What I’m doing with my fat fluffy ass much later today: I will be doing some minor house cleaning and getting laundry done so David can relax this weekend and not work so hard. But I know only so well that he will be out at Home Desperate getting some more carpet grass and finishing up a small area he started last week. The man is so fucking anal. 

What I’m reading: I love this woman!! She is awesome!!

Crazy shit I am putting up with: David wants me to stay in bed so I don’t hurt my back any further. Like, how the hell can I hurt something that’s already fucking messed up. Sure, I’m in a lot of pain, but I’m getting used to it. Ahahahahahahahahaasnort.  Sorta like a sadomasochist.

Anywho, he calls me every two or three hours to see if I need anything. I really think he’s bored shitless with the all day meetings he has to go to this week before he takes time off on Thursday. He just wants out of them now. Too bad, so sad, yadda, yadda, yadda.

What’s for dindin: I haven’t really had an appetite lately cause of the pain. But I will bet David finishes his favorite leftovers tonight. He has this thing for “Beans and Meat”. Yeppers, that’s what he calls it. It’s a pound of ground beef with half of a medium onion, diced, cooked up and then you add a can of Pork n’ Beans to it. Fill the can half way with water and add that to it. Then add three slices of Kraft American Cheese to IT. Stir until the cheese melts and blends with the concoction and let simmer for ten minutes on low heat. While it simmers add seasonings to taste. I know, I know!! But David makes this shit and eats it, not me. I guess this is his version of Shit on a Shingle.

Crazy shit I'm thinking about:  Mmkay. Those wacky Christians are at it again. Yeppers. This Saturday is "Rapture Saturday"!! Yes ma'am. Be there or be left behind to suffer with the other ungodly bunch. I guess that's us,or is it just me. Shit I'm still trying to take over Hell. It's not easy trying to win votes by getting ice water and air conditioning for all those ungrateful demons. Bastards!!

Then there is Trump. That orange faced asswipe finally came to his senses. He has decided to not run for president in 2012. Wow!! Did he really think we would vote for someone who wears a Honey Bear Hamster pelt sown into his head as hair. And that tan!! He looks like leader of the Umpa Lumpas. It's either a really bad spray on tan or someone has an issue with orange makeup. At least I won't have to see his orange puckered face on TV. No I don't watch The Apprentice. It's stupid to see all those people backstabbing each other. Someone throw his puckered silly lips up on a wall and time how long he hangs there. Hang time should be at least a good 15 minutes. Just sayin.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Something To MaKe You Smile

For all us old people:

Texting Codes

ATD = at the doctor

BFF = best friend fell

BTW = bring the wheelchair

BYOT = bring your own teeth

FWIW = forgot where I was

GGPBL = gotta go, pacemaker battery low

GHA = got heartburn again

IMHO = is my hearing aid on?

LMDFO = laughing my dentures fell out

OMMR = on my massage recliner

ROFLACGU = rolling on floor laughing and can't get up

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

We Got Rain!!!

Finally!!!  It's been almost 90 days without rain. Things were getting really bad with the corn crops for the farmers and even the weeds were dying. I decided to do a rain spell and it's working. So far.
Well, back to bed. Hope everyone is doing good.

Monday, May 9, 2011

IRS ...W-K9 Short Form

I had to show you all this little gem of an email my hubby/plaything,David sent me this morning. We can all download it and make copies to send to the IRS next year to really fuck them up. I made it a little bigger than I should so you can read it better, I hope.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Happy Mother's Day 
To all you mother's out there

Friday, May 6, 2011

Latest News About Back Problems

I'm back from the Orthopedic Back Doc. Good news, He is going to have me go through out-patient surgery to wrangle some bone spurs on my spine. I will be setting this up sometime next week and then we will see what transpires. Otherwise he said I do not have to have the fusion and rods done for a long long time to come. I have Stenosis of  L1 thru L4 and ruptured disc between L4 and L5 which is what I thought I had. David was wrong -I was right  :P nyah nyah !!!

Bad news is that this procedure will only take 25% of my pain away. Hey I don't give a fuck. Just as long as it's gone from my legs so I can walk without help again.

So that's the jist of my shit for today.

Friday Funny

Thursday, May 5, 2011

I'm Back For Good... Well So Far... Then You're On Your Own

I really need to overhaul my blog page. This place is starting to look like a dump!  I haven't changed a thing in months. I mean really, how can a girl stay legally at the same weight for so long. But I do have to change that diet  ticker. I went on a binge and gained back 5lbs. Yeppers, I fell off the wagon with a big ol' plop. It's amazing nobody got killed.  I got all depressed the past two weeks over my back pain situation, DM leaving us, and a few other things that will just get me back into the hole again if I start talking about it, so I won't go there if you don't mind. But I really gotta get this place cleaned up. What a DUMP!!!

David has gone full Farmer Ted now. He wants me to come with him to the plant center at Home Desperate so I can help him pick out herbs, peppers, and other goodies. Since I taught him what to do when transplanting weeks ago he has gone hog wild crazy. He got all excited  before going to work this morning when he noticed that he has flowers on his tomato plants. He actually came into the bedroom and woke me up at 5AM to tell me about it. Someone sell me a gun, PLEASE!! He also is going full force with the grass replacement deal on the front lawn. He does a little plot of about 20 feet each weekend. He said he won't know when they will stop carrying the carpet grass at Home Desperate so he does a little at a time just in case. When he found out that they get their new grass in every Thursday morning, he about had a boner. I tell ya he's gone crazy.

Me on the other hand, I'm missing DM and her daily Jersey styled rants. She made us laugh and think and laugh some more. I won't be taking down her button anytime soon, maybe never. Who knows, she may return and give us all what for and then some in her own way. Goddess I sure hope it's soon cause I do miss her dearly as many of you, my minions.

Since I was confined to bed for a while now I have been bored out of my gourd, let me tell ya. I only had the TV to keep me sane and most of what is on it is insane. I hate watching TV most pf the time. I only watch a few shows and the news. So I went crazy for a while until David granted me clearance to downlaod a shit bag of books for my Sony Reader, and went out and even bought me a DVD player to watch movies. I made him take it back cause I can watch movies on Little Hal, my Mini HP. I love that little guy. He's so cute! and does everything a big computer does but in a smaller way. I can also pack him into my purse and take him with me everywhere.

Antwho, I downloaded only two books that I dearly wanted. David doesn't understand my love for Vamps and Witches and their kind. I think it's really a female gene we ladies carry and hand down to our daughters, cause it's a female thang, you guys just wouldn't understand.


Well, I have been waiting for both books like for the longest time. Kim Harrison has been my reading material since I started working in the lab at night in the hospital out here six years ago. I do love the way she writes. Rachel is a  kick ass, take names then kick their ass some more kind of gal. And then Charlaine Harris is crazy great reading. Sometimes it's hard to put down a book from either one of these women and I find myself having to go back and reread previous books just to stay entertained until another book comes out. I just started Pale Demon and already wondering what the next book will be about.

The puppies have been keeping me company the past weeks, more like sleeping all day at the bottom of the bed all damned day long. Lazy little bugs. I went to see my doctor for a follow-up and came home and they acted like I was gone for years. Jumping all over me and such. Jeeze!! I go to see another Orthopedic Back Doctor on Friday, a cutter and yes tomorrow. I wonder what he is going to say when he sees my MRI that I got last week. It shows that I have a disc clearly bulging between L4 and L5 and a slight bulge with L3 and L4. Yuck!! When I told David what I saw on the MRI pictures when we got home with them he said - you always read too much into it and then it's not that bad when the doctor gets back to you. Well guess what??!! I know what I saw cause my Pain doctor called me and said the same thing that I saw. :P So Nyagh.  Whatever!!

MMkay so I really went overboard and I get the feeling y'all will probably say, meh. But this is a really long blog entry and I would have folded on the second paragraph. So my apologies. I have an appointment with a cutter tomorrow and I don't know what mood I'll be in when I get home. So take this for what it's worth and enjoy a long post for once from me cause I may not ever do this again. Yeah right!!
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