MY MINIONS

*********************************************************************************

**************************************************************

Warning! - This Blog May Contain:

violence, terrible grammar, gratuitous sex, strong odors, seed porn, and possibly improper French

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Pinky and The Brain

The Brain
Pinky
Has anyone ever seen " Pinky  and The Brain" It's a cartoon about a master mind mouse Brain, and his side kick Pinky. Brain wants to take over the world. Pinky is absent minded, more like "brainless". He always messes up Brains' plans to take over the world. Something like what I have with two little puppies in my home.

Lucy  aka Pinky
Pebbles aka The Brain
Pebbles is "The Brain" and Lucy is "Pinky". Pebbles is always sending Lucy into the media room to ask either David or me for something that Pebbles wants. The reasoning behind Pebbles sending Lucy is that Lucy is cute but Lucy has a problem. She has a fucking BB for a brain and always screws up Pebbles' plans.

We know that this is going on because I've seen Pebbles peeking around the kitchen doorway looking to see if Lucy is doing the job that Pebbles sent her to do. It's really funny to watch cause when Lucy gets sidetracked by noticing a squirrel out the window I always hear Pebbles sigh really loud.  Then there is a shit load of growling coming from the kitchen like she's bitching about never sending Lucy to ask for treats again. Hmmmmm. Foiled again huh, Brain.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

WOW!!

My Goddess!!   Thank you all for the wonderful birthday wishes. I love them all soooo very much, thank you. But as you probably guessed, I'm not 29. Although I wish I was. But I am 16 in my mind. Shit! I'm so old I fart dust from my last lifetime.

But I had a wonderful day. I did make dinner cause David took me out Sunday to my favorite place for my birthday dinner.. David and I had cheesecake instead of b-day cake last night. I gained about 5000 pounds from it too. I can feel it even though my clothes are lose on my fat ass. Seems as though the aquatics classes are working.

I got a cute card from my step-daughter. It was a guy and a dachshund on the guys lap on the front of the card. Inside it said,"Thought you'd like to see a cute guy and his wiener." It also had a gift card in it. So what did I do with it? I blew some of it in Amazon.com on books. I can't help it, I love books. I'm a bookaholic and proud of it dambit!  I love the sight and smell of them.  I also love my Reader but I love a real book more.

I didn't feel like going to the pool to work out either yesterday. I go tomorrow and start working out on the bike and other goodies they have there. I will be starting the cardio aquatics next week if I feel like I can handle it. Well I'm gonna at least try. Then Zumba aquatics. I need to get back to work and I need to lose the weight to have my knee done before I go back.  So this should help it.

Monday, September 26, 2011

29 And Loving It

Yes I've made another trip around the sun. I'm still 29 and fucking FABULOUS so there!

Friday, September 23, 2011

Blessed Mabon

Thursday, September 22, 2011

This, That And The Other

Well I went to my first aquatics exercise class on Monday and again today. I feel energized except for the back pain which is pretty mild. I do feel pretty damned good. I have one more class on Friday this week and then next week I'll be working on the bike and a few other machines and weights along with the aquatics.

Mmkay, does anyone know what a "Safe Zone" is?  No?  Well it's a safe place where kids and/or animals think is the safest place in your house. My safe zone is in the bedroom on the bed. That is where all the puppies run to when mommy  is reading with her back on the heating pad. Usually it will be just Lucy, Pebbles and me. The girls will stake out their respective prime real estate as near to mommy as they can get without knocking me off the bed or going under me to the other side of me. Lucy is a bed hog so I have to push her away a few times or I fall on the floor. Go figure, she's a Boston and I'm a human but she's a strong little shit.

Now, if David is watching sports in the media room, then Spunky comes to join us. He is fucking terrified of any sport on TV. Only thing I can figure why he is upset by sports is that David yells at the TV and the Spunkster thinks he's in  trouble. So During a game I have an entourage that follows me around the house all day on the weekend. I just wish they would fucking answer the phone and take a letter or something useful instead of just following my ass around like I have dog food in it.

Wall oven alcove with wall plug
David was busy this past weekend, until the game came on. He took out the old oven ... finally!! It's nice when both of us are on the same wave length. He started making shelves and fixed the torn up wooden mess from the previous dog he had before we were married. Something we didn't expect but I had a hunch was when he took out the old wall oven there was an electrical wall plug there inside the empty area. Yea!!! We don't have to call an electrician to put one in. David thought the oven was plugged into the wall unit under the countertop stove. So now all we have to do is prime and paint the inside and shelves and we can put the microwave oven in there with all my bake ware on the other shelves. That will save me more room on the counter for work space.

florescent lighting with fugly cabinets

piece where the paneling covered to the ceiling above the fugly cabinets which is above the once fugly wall oven.
He also tore out the top area around the lights and put up sheet rock. I had to wait almost two fucking weeks for that but he finally got that started too. He wants this guy he knows who did a friends kitchen lighting to come in and see if we can get him to put in light cans with LED's. We both hate the lighting that is in now.

It looks like every single foot he put a screw in the sheet rock
He stopped putting in sheet rock here near the fridge and doorway into the laundry room
I was checking out his work on the sheet rock installation and noticed he went a bit overboard with the screws. It's almost like he had this fucking psycho thing going on. Probably to hide the ugly boards behind it. I think I should invest in sheet rock screws. I could make some crazy shopping money.

UT (University of Texas GO LONGHORNS at Austin) for you non-college football fans has a by week this Saturday. Meaning they have a weekend off. So that means David can work on my kitchen and The Spunkinator will not have to hide behind mommy's legs all afternoon.
Saltgrass patio near the water shoot, Plate glass floor to ceiling windows on high far left of picture make it hard to see in.
Photo courtesy of Cclip

Sunday we are going to San Marcos for dinner. My choice. Yeppers, I made another trip around the sun. It's Saltgrass for us. I love that steakhouse. Right on the river with a little watershoot coming off the lake to feed it. It's a very pretty enough place to have dinner.

Oh one last thing before I go and get things ready for Mabon.  I was the third winner in Judith's giveaway and I chose one of her decoupaged plates. It's going to look gorgeous on my alter. You do great work girlfriend. You should open up an Etsy shop.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Weekend Jester

Kim Kardashian had her fat butt x-rayed to prove it was real with no implants. 


Well they took a look at the x-rays and found two more Kardashian sisters.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Funny Friday



Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were sittin on the front porch drinking beer when a large truck hauling rolls and rolls of sod went by. 


"I'm a gonna do dat when I win me the lottery," says Boudreaux. 

"Do what," asked Thibodeaux? 

"Send my grass out to get mowed." 

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

The Crazy Witch's Daybook

My mood:  Right now... I'm bored out of my gourd. I can't wait  to start my exercise and aquatics program at the Health and Wellness Center at the hospital here in town tomorrow morning. I'm hoping this will get me back into shape so I won't have to endure anymore back aches. As for my knees ... ehhh.

In regards to my fat fluffy ass:  HOOO YEAH!!!  I get to drive my own car around without David for once. Don't get me wrong I love being with David, but it gets tiring having to be chauffeured around like an invalid. I hated it.  Besides He drives 5 mph under the speed limit and the one that drives controls everything, from power window locks to radio. It was like I was a in a cage. But my car is mine again, YES!! I need to go update my Low Level Flying License.

So far that shot of Cortisone in my hip has worked. No more pain in my right leg. It feels great. But yesterday I was watering the the plants in the courtyard and I slipped and fell on my ass... well more like bounced, but hey, it only hurt for a little while. Got a bruise the size of Texas. I was thinking of getting a marker from my art table and mapping out Texas with all the burning areas.

My Goddess!!!  Y'all know what Spontaneous Combustion is? Well look it up and you'll see a picture of Texas. I knew I lived in Christian Hell but this is fucking ridiculous!

Most of this crap is from asshole kids with nothing to do and dumb ass drivers that smoke and throw their cigarette butts out the windows instead of using the ashtray. I'd like to wup their asses!!


What I'm reading: I was looking for some new Vampfang and other books by Chloe Neill  on Amazon.com to read.  She's a damned good read. I like her style. Right now I'm on the Chicagoland Vampires Series. I also love Rachel Caine with the Morganville Vampire Series If you haven't found these two ladies, I suggest you do. It's some kick ass fun to read.

What's for din din: Well Hell!!!  It's been so long since I cooked. Being with the bad back and all. But now that I'm back to ALMOST because I'm Certifiable Crazy normal, I'm able to do the things I love, which is cooking and baking. But baking will start around October. It's too fucking hot to bake now.

Anywho I got off track  again. I'm keeping it simple with BBQ chicken tenders and Ranch mashed potatoes. and a salad. For the Ranch mashed potatoes, I add a little bit of Ranch Dressing instead of milk and butter. When you add the Ranch start out with just a little bit then stir and add according to the consistency of how you like your mashed potatoes. Then I add a bit of salt and pepper to taste. Yummmmmm

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Update - Or How The Fuck Did I Develop This Pain, Episode Five

Well on Thursday I went to get my MRI which was like me, custard, being stuffed into an eclair. Now I know how Techno music got it's start. Try listening to the pings and noisy shit from an MRI machine. It's like listening to Techno at a club. Mmmmkay twenty more minutes of this fucking crap and I'd be humming "What is Love", the long version.

I saw Dr, G. on Friday. Which was a total clusterfuck.  Yeah, it's so wonderful waiting 2 fucking hours for Dr. G.  Hmmmm, maybe I should charge him for my time that I was stuck there waiting in a very uncomfortable chair with my own pillow from home as back support. To make matters worse, I am chucking that pillow for the bedroom only I had fuzzy white pillow shit all over my fat ass, and I'm wearing black pants. When I got up to stretch my legs I asked David if  this fuzzy white shit from the pillow make my ass look huge  I have anything on my ass, like fuzzy white crap from the pillow? He told me no.

Ladies!!! NEVER EVER trust a blind husband. Hell, he lopped off his finger last year on a table saw. I should have known better to ask him anything regarding using his eyesight on my ass. Ooooh, but let some little hottie come into the room....

Anyways, I was praying my ass off to the Goddess that this wouldn't mean another O.R. episode. Well my prayers were answered finally after Dr. G finished looking at almost 20 MRI slides, I kid you not!  He said that my discs in the lumbar area will eventually degenerate to nothing within a few more years, like five or ten. That's something I can change by losing more weight to slow it down.

I'm already ahead of the game cause I joined the hospital's (here in town) Health and Wellness program. So I will be starting on Monday with Arthritic Aquatics and then Conditioning. I want to try Zumba Aquatics too. Got to check that out. There is also a Spinning class,  Zumba, and a Body Sculpting class that I want to take. So I'm in the right direction. Thank the Goddess it's only $40 a month. Personal trainers are $10 an hour. I will be needing one to start off with.

But I've wandered again ... the reason I was in so much fucking pain in my right leg was that I was favoring the right leg after the surgery for the left leg pain in my spine. It was mother fucking Bursitis in the right hip from all that. Well he asked me if it would be okay if he injected my hip with a painkiller/cortisone cocktail and I said FUCK YES, PLEASE DO!

Well he left the room and came back with the crooked, rusty needle with a hook and barbs on the end with "For Veterinary Use Only"written on the syringe full of the stuff. He found  the pain point  by poking and prodding my hip, then he marked the spot by digging his finger into my hip to make a red spot. He could have used one of those fucking pens in his pocket but NOOOOOOOO!  Motherfucker said there will be a little sting - MY ASS!!!  Then he stuck me in the hip with that nasty needle. I think I called him every dirty word that a Longshoreman never heard of and wanted to know about. Everytime I banged on the wall with my hand to redirect the pain, David said Dr. G took one step back from me.  Sticking a needle into a very sensitive place like an inflamed bursa is like taking a hammer and hitting a toe that's got an infected hang nail. Try it! I dare ya. Really, try it.

After he pulled out his pound of flesh from the hooked/barbed needle, he said to relax for a while then to sit up. Okie Dokie Smokie. It took approximately three minutes to start working. I got up and off the table and walked around for a bit. Hmmmm, nice, hardly any pain except for the crater the doc left from the flesh extraction. I was walking to get the cortisone to move around in the Bursa and it was really feeling great. WOW, it was so nice to have no pain there. When the doctor finally came back I asked if he had more of that shit for the rest of my body. Sadly no. But it was a shot pun intended to get more of that good stuff.

He said that if the pain gets worse or doesn't go away in two weeks to give the nurse a call and they would set up another appointment with a Pain Specialist to do the Florascope and injection procedure in the Surgical Center. OOOOOOOOH  NOOOOooooooooooo!!!

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Quick Note

Mmmkay, this is just a quick note cause my ass is high on pain meds and I think I can sit here for just about 10 minutes  more than usual. First off I would like to thank all my minions for their get well emails and comments. I fucking love you guys. Wow, I'm tearing up. Really you all are the bestest friends in the world. Thank You soooooooooooo much for making my days.

I have an appointment for labs and an MRI with contrast tomorrow at noon. That will be an absolute fucking party for sure. Since I will be hopped up on pain meds just to make the 13 mile trip. Goddess forgive me now if I should kill some poor stupid fucker who lays their hands on my back tomorrow. Being stuck in an MRI tunnel for 20 or 30 minutes is not exactly fun if your back is screaming at you but hey, I gotta do it.

Friday we will go back another 15 fucking fun hopped up on pain meds again miles to see my Spine Doctor  and hear the great news, whatever that may be. I'm not looking forward to that. We generally sit in the waiting room 1 to 2 hours OVER the appointment time. I'm taking pillows. Fuck it if everyone looks at me like I'm the Princess and the Pea. Then there is the wonderful poking and prodding.

Well I need to get back to bed. I wish I could take Little Hal with me but his battery only lasts 4 hours and there is no extension cord in the house, imagine that. What a bitch! Anywho, I will keep you all informed of what happens on Saturday.
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...