MY MINIONS

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Warning! - This Blog May Contain:

violence, terrible grammar, gratuitous sex, strong odors, seed porn, and possibly improper French

Thursday, July 30, 2015

She's Not The Normal One


Strange shit happens in this town almost every day. If not here at home it's out on the street. To give you an idea there was an escapee from the North side of town this morning. Yes!! There was!
Well, let me tell ya. David called me and said he was getting his morning taco and was driving to work when he saw a chicken in the middle of the street. It was sitting there like it owned it. David said that it was probably a fugitive from one of the poultry trucks that drive down the street on their way to Tyson Foods where they process chickens. I could just imagine the police trying to catch that flappy bird. Sometimes I wonder why we have no real newspaper in this town with all the weird shit that happens.
David always comes home for lunch. No matter what, unless he has a meeting that runs overtime, he always comes home at lunch. Yesterday David was downloading Windows 10 on his computer at lunchtime and then left for work. It was like forever downloading that shit. About 4 hours later I gave up and stopped the so-called download and turned his computer off.

When he came home he decided to try again and this time the stupid thing downloaded without a hitch. I have to say Windows 10 is nice. It's got nothing in the way of problems like David thought it would. I will be downloading 10 this weekend when I can tend to it without interruptions. So far so good Microsoft. Let's see how this goes in the coming weeks.
Pebbles aka Squirt
Also yesterday David made a very strange but funny remark that got me laughing so hard I nearly fell out of my office chair. You see Pebbles is a very tiny dog. She's the chihuahua that we rescued from a puppy farm about 7 years ago. She was very shy, skittish, and just plain scared of us. She had no contact with humans whatsoever except when they fed her and cleaned her cage. Poor baby.

Anywho, she has this thing about staring off into "The Zone" as I call it. It's quite strange to watch her because when you snap your fingers she turns her head v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y towards you. It's like watching a horror movie about to unfold. She's a scary little shit. Well, she was staring me down while I was working on some stuff at my desk. I could feel her stare like little needles hitting the side of my neck and told her that it wasn't time yet.

What she was doing was trying to get me to give them their evening bone treats early. I have them set for 6 p.m. every night after dinner. I give them their mini bone treats as a dessert. Well, she makes herself look really small while she sits next to me staring until I notice her. Sometimes I think Lucy puts her up to it.

David happened to notice the staring going on and alerted me. I didn't turn to look because I knew it was the Squirt. But David kept calling me to make me look. I told him I knew what was going on, but he insisted that it wasn't Lucy, it was Pebbles. But the way he said it made me laugh. He said, "No, it's not the normal one."

You see, to him, Lucy is the normal one of the 3 dogs we have. Well, I lost it right then and couldn't stop laughing. Pebbles just calmly sat there, the poor little thing, and watched her momma lose her mind. I really almost tipped my chair laughing so hard. So now she's referred to as "not the normal one." Poor baby has no fucking idea.



Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Give Satan Back His Weather Already

Spider plant

I found out last night that my sweet husband, David, ordered me 3 spider plants online on Saturday evening. That lovable stinker. He does things like that out of the blue. So now I'll have to keep my eyes peeled for the mailman to deliver them sometime at the end of next week.
The weather is miserably hot here. We haven't hit triple digits yet, but it might be sometime this weekend that we will. They are predicting 30% chance of rain this Friday into Saturday. Yeah right. Like when donkeys fly. 
Lucy balancing on the arm of my desk chair with her head
looking over my shoulder. She's trying to get my attention again.
The puppies are going stir crazy and it's beginning to bother me.  They are cooped up in the house all day because of the heat. Spunky, the blind oldest, wants to play ball all day, Lucy is constantly underfoot or on the arm of my chair. I think she's part monkey. Pebbles is the only one that leaves me alone except for when she sees a cat, then she's all over me wanting to go out to chase it. When they do go out, it's like slam-bam-thank-you-ma'am. They run out of the house like it was on fire. I think now I can have peace for a while. Hell no! They are on the back porch barking and jumping at the glass door wanting to be let in again. Then they go lay all over the tile floor, turning themselves every so often to get cooled down in front of the A/C. Poor hot babies.
Hopefully, this weather won't last too much longer. August will be over before it begins and September starts up the cooler mornings and that means COFFEE time and sitting out on the porch with the puppies for me again. The kids in the neighborhood will be going back to school and quiet  time will be mine.(I'm the only person at home in the Hood - sigh). I can't wait.


Monday, July 27, 2015

This Is Such A Boring Post

This past week has had too many lows to count, but I won't go into them. I just know that when I become very depressed I can't remember my dreams. That's usually my first warning sign.

Well, David decided to grab me up Saturday and go for a drive in the country. He didn't tell me where until I saw we were headed north of town. It felt so good to get out and about. It changed my whole outlook.

We went looking for a new spider plant because mine died when David was in charge. Many of my houseplants bit the dust and my beloved spider plant was what made me the maddest when I found out. But I eventually just let all this go even though I was heartbroken over it.

Anywho, we hit all the local plant nurseries and nothing. I was a little down but not ready to give up. We went to lunch and then started looking some more. Why we didn't look closer to home I'll never know. But my favorite place to shop had them. All my plants that I wanted. Only thing is I was too tired to get out of the car to go looking around anymore. We gave up. But we will be going back to the Plant Place to find my perfect spider plant and a couple more things.

Yesterday I felt like doing a couple of loads of laundry and I vacuumed and mopped the whole house. I was tired of dirty puppy prints on the windows so I cleaned the back glass door and the front living room windows. Crap! I got so tired after that. David came looking for me and found me lying down with the puppies. He wanted to tell me that he was so pissed that the DVR only taped 2 minutes and 11 seconds of Sharknado 3. Like I care. Inside I was dancing. Yes! The Goddess heard my screams. BWAAHAHAHAAAAHAHAAAAA!

Anywho, this morning I got up early and made coffee, which I never do unless it's a bit cool in the morning. I just felt like it. Spunky was barking in his sleep when I passed his bed. When he howls in his sleep it makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand straight up. Wicked feeling. I need to do a few things outside this morning before it gets hot. We haven't hit 100 yet but August is almost here and we might just hit it yet.


Saturday, July 25, 2015

Friday, July 24, 2015

Friday Funny

A Bad Day

There I was sitting at a bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.
"Well, whatcha gonna do about it?" he says menacingly, as I burst into tears.
"Come on man," the biker says, " I didn't think you'd cry. I can't stand to see a man crying."

"This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete failure. I was late for a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have insurance. I left my wallet in the cab that I took. I found my old lady in bed with the gardener and then my dog bit me. So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; then you, you jackass, show up and drink the whole thing! But enough about me, how's your day going?"

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

*Sigh*

I seem to be down in the dumps since yesterday. Maybe it's because so many things are going on that my mind is shutting down on it all. So, I'm taking a few days off to adjust.  I have a few things set up to post the rest of the week. Sorry.

Monday, July 20, 2015

I'm Really Tired Right Now

I had to go get blood drawn and an MRI early this morning. Then a doctor's appointment soon after. Right now I'm quite tired from waiting for this and that. So I'm sorry I won't be posting anything today.

Sunday, July 19, 2015

Saturday, July 18, 2015

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

One More Day Before Jade Helm 15

Okay, some of y'all ain't never heard of this Jade Helm 15 thingy. Well, let me splain it to ya as best I can without laughing at what I know to be just plain silliness from what conspiracy theorists are saying.

Jade Helm 15 is a military exercise that will take place July 15th [tomorrow] until September 15th of this year. It will be the largest military training exercise of all time. This is going to be mainly a Special Ops training exercise and the crazies [CTs] think they are going to be rounded up and tortured inside emptied Walmarts, which wouldn't be a bad idea because the CTs need major torturing in my book.

Anywho, this is a military exercise that will take place in only some parts of 7 states. New Mexico, Arizona, California, Colorado, Utah, Nevada, and Texas. Texas will have the most action going on in several small towns and the San Antonio area. This is the largest military exercise of all time since it's covering 7 states but the smallest also because there are only 1,200 men involved. It is going to be involving the Army Special Forces Command [Green Berets], 82nd Airborne Division [AIRBORNE ALL THE WAY!] sorry, Air Force Special Operations Command, and the Navy SEALS.

Most of the action will take place on private property and the owners have been asked and have given their permission. If any part of this exercise is taking place off private property then the local law enforcement has been notified. This is just an update for these special forces to practice their core special warfare training, which would come in real handy if the U.S. was ever attacked by an evil military force, just like in Red Dawn the movie.

So, I've explained the serious side of this Jade Helm 15 deal. Now for the crazies. This mostly started a few months ago when radio talk show host, Nut Job, Alex Jones[why are idiots like these guys allowed a talk show!?!] spewed his poison to all the other CTs in the nation. Poeple are up in arms about the "military action" as some of them are calling it. They say Obama wants to be the supreme leader and he is not going to step down. He is going to take over the U.S. state by state. Yeah! I know! Stupid huh?

Our illustrious Gov. Greg Abbott, has asked the Texas National Guard [weekend warriors] to monitor the situation. Most of Texas is on edge. That's how stupid these people are. The crazies are on the loose in Texas. Yes! Yes they are. I wonder what these numbskulls will do when egg hits their faces.



Monday, July 13, 2015

I Just Can't Stop Laughing


OH my, oh my! People in Texas have done lost their ever lovin minds this time. In 2 days time, there will be something going on here, and in a few other southwestern states, called Jade Helm 15. It's just a lil ol military exercise to give the troops something to do to pass the time. But conspiracy theorists [I'll call them CT for short to go with their short little minds] here in Texas have made it into something like Red Dawn in reversed.

YES! yes, they have. The CTs are saying that Jade Helm 15 is not just a military exercise, but that it's supposed to be an overtaking by Obama to celebrate Sharai Law. BWAAHAHAHAAAHAHAAA! sorry couldn't help it.
Anywho, CTs say innocent citizens will be rounded up by the government troops and put in abandoned Walmarts. Uh huh! You heard me. There are also tunnels connecting these abandoned Walmarts to each other! YES! yes, there are. There are numerous websites and articles written here, here and here, that are set up to warn everyone and ask them to help in monitoring these troops. Even our own beloved *snicker snort* Gov. Greg Abbott is asking the weekend warriors [Reserves]to monitor troops movements. AAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAAAAA! I can't help it.

So if by chance you don't hear from me after September 15th, I may have laughed so hard that I pissed myself to death. BWAAHAHAAAHahahaahahahaaaaaaa! Oh My Goddess! This it's going to be so hard to keep sane






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