Can We Have a New Witch Ours Melted

Kitchen Dungeon Update

2012-02-27T09:52:00.000-06:00

So, I promised y'all pictures of the finished cabinet and drawer fronts from the psycho kitchen renovation. Well here they are kids. Let me tell you, David was completely anal about how they all came out. The whole thing had to be perfect. I mean to tell ya he was constantly sanding and then painting and then sanding that and then painting and then sanding and then ... well you get the jist of it. He's fucking anal about making sure what he does comes out perfect. And it did. The paint job inside and out is so smooth, shit, it's just like a baby's butt.

http://canwehaveanewwitchoursmelted.blogspot.com/2011/07/kitchen-dungeon-update.html

Y'all need to check out the old pictures on the link above of the kitchen before the renovation and then look at these pictures below. It's a great big fucking change. It's very bright in the kitchen now with the lights placed in the ceiling and the lighter color in the cabinets. We should be finished when David gets the income tax refund. So here are the pictures I promised.

The place where the microwave oven is used to be that fugly green oven. We put shelves and made it an open area for my pots and pans and bakeware

The purple bottle is there for reference. The ceilings are like 15 feet high.
I also asked David to put me up a rap area for foil and plastic raps under the cabinet. Very handy.

When we get rid of the counter tops the puke yellow sink will go too and be replaced with stainless

I drew the blinds on the window to cut out the light from outside to give you an idea of how bright the lighting is.
I had David move the island over against the wall near the door to give an idea how big the kitchen is. To me it's just perfect.

Another Day of Putrid Brown Stuff

2012-02-24T14:45:00.000-06:00

I have been living in this sort of dull dumbing funk for weeks lately. And NO, it's not Pinterest, Fucking PLEASE already. I think it's probably that lousy time of the year when everyone get's what is called Spring Fever. You just want to sleep all day and night. But I can't. I have to feed the puppies and David Yeppers, that has to be it. Fucking Spring Fever!!

David get's his colds and then breathing problems because of all the Pecan blooms about this time. He is just getting over his bout with the yearly cold. So I'm guessing the pecan trees in our yard will bloom next week. I called the doctor for his Albuteral inhalers. So I'll have David swing by the Pharmacy to pick them up along with my prescription for my pain meds. I love Spring but I hate what it does to David. He has such bad allergies.

If you don't get this, then I can't help you.

Speaking of pain in the ass, I see my Orthopedic Comedian on Tuesday morning for another round of poking and prodding and general all around contortionist bending of my new knees. That should be a laugh riot. I walk in there fine. I of coarse take my cane with me cause when I walk out of his office I'm practically hobbling in major pain. I think the man is secretly a sadist or he's an S&M freak.

I do feel so much better during the day though, when I'm awake that is. I've been doing some resetting of the kitchen cabinets and drawers. I'm making it more ergonomic to move around without having to walk across the kitchen to get something. I also need to get some drawer and cabinet plastic to put down before I put the stuff back into the cabinets.

I'll be showing the finished work David did of the kitchen on Monday. Everything looks so fucking bright in there it's like I'm blinded when I turn on the lights. All we have now is the counter top, back splash, bamboo flooring, and painting to do. David wants to let Home Desperate do the installation of the counter top. That way they are responsible for goofs.

Has anyone seen the previews for The Hunger Games yet? It's going to be an awesome movie. I've read the first and second books of the trilogy. The movie comes out March 23. There will be a sequel on November 22, 2013. I'm wondering if the second and third books will be that one.

The other books in the Trilogy are #2 Catching Fire and #3 Mockingjay. I had a hard time putting down the first one. So I'm wondering what the second and third will be like.

It's Absolutely Shameful

2012-02-21T09:42:00.000-06:00

I'm in trouble. Yes, and I need help, but sadly there is none for me and those like me. I *heavy sigh* am a Pinterest Pinhead. Yes, *hanging my head in shame* yes, *heavy heavy sigh* I admit it. I am desperate for help. I have been known to spend hours, days, and sometimes weeks doing nothing but looking and pinning on Pinterest.

I have nothing really against Pinterest. That place is fucking great! It's been called the Fantasy Football for women. I mean where else can a woman spend time planning her dream wedding over and over again, differently each time. Then there are the recipes for things I never knew existed and things I want to try but might never get the chance. Places I wished I could travel to. Gardens to plan with secret gardens within them behind stained glass doors covered in vines and roses. Fuck me running I LOVE Pinterest!!!

I've been told countless times by my friends on Facebook. That they are worried that I am not on there as much as I used to be. They wonder if I'm going to drop my FB account. Sorry my dears. But momma has a new gig and she's happy with it. So now If you'll excuse me I have some pinning to do.

It's Friday Dammbit!!!!

2012-02-17T11:59:00.000-06:00

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguinson the ice in Antarctica? Where do they go?
Wonder no more ! ! !

It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualisticbird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:

"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
Then, they kick him in the ice hole.

Fun Stuff Friday

2012-02-17T09:43:00.000-06:00

I didn't have too much to do yesterday so I started surfing around for fun stuff. Look what I found!

Cuddle Barn's Animated Justin Beaver Plush Toy Sings "Baby" by Justin Bieber.

Then I found the perfect Rubik's cube for Blondes. Yes, it's pink on all six sides so solving time won't take a lifetime for them.

Happy VD Day

2012-02-14T13:57:00.000-06:00

For all you single Valentines out there

For us poor married bastids

Okay I'm a Dog Lover, So What!

2012-02-13T09:59:00.000-06:00

This video is from Moscow, Russia. There are some very interesting stories of the dogs of the underground. They ride the subways and beg for food or just sleep on the trains. Go check them out if you love dogs. http://englishrussia.com/2009/04/07/smartest-dogs-moscow-stray-dogs/

An Excursion To The Vet's

2012-02-11T10:42:00.000-06:00

Lucy my mushy faced little brat

It's been Lucy's time to go. David and I had been talking about it for days now. I know that she knows that we have been talking about it. She's been hiding when she can because she thinks at any moment we will be whisking her little fuzzy ass off to the Vet.

Well this morning we took her in my car. She was in the back seat whining all the way.
"It's cold back here. Let's stop for a cappuccino at Chiro Java's. Does this harness make my ass look big?" And on and on and on like a little Jewish Princess, I swear!

When we got to the Vet's she wanted David to pick her up, then she wanted down, then back up in his arms , then down again. She was acting like a nut case. I finally grabbed her up and kept her on my lap until the nurse called us in.

She was all fine until the woman stuck the thermometer up Lucy's butt. David was holding her and Lucy looked at me as if she was saying she was being violated. Poor little Diva. Then the doc came in and Lucy would not look her in the eye. It was hilarious. She turned and hid her face in my elbow area.

Lucy on Squirrel Patrol

So the doc checked her over. She will most likely have arthritis in her right hind leg cause her kneecap was broken at one time and never healed right. We knew that when we got her. Other than that she is fit and not an ounce of fat on her. She got her shots and we took the little brat back home.

What was great about this is Lucy is good for another year and outside chasing squirrels right now with the other two puppies. It's Pebbles turn next month. Oy!!

Friday Funny

2012-02-10T00:56:00.000-06:00

This was kinda funny so I had to share it with you. This is a show from the UK, called Fast and Loose. Someone has to act out the song and the others have to guess it from the movements of the person. Just watch.

I'm Back

2012-02-09T00:41:00.000-06:00

Yeah, it's me again. I just can't stop doing this. It's like a drug. I'm a glutton for punishment. Shit, I may as well resign myself to a life of blogging ... chained to the computer looking for crap to keep you entertained while I waste away in ~~Margaritaville~~ complete obscurity. Is that a word?? Well I'm back so there. nah nah nah nah nah naaah! ;p

Last year I posted something around in the spring before tax time for all you dog lovers like me. See below.

Well I filled it out and took in to H&R and they said " Hahahahhaaahahahahhaaaahahaa ... No."

2012-02-03T15:51:00.000-06:00

Sorry about the sporadic posting my dear minions. I've been either at the pool or here working out. I haven't had to do anything lately so that puts my ass in a wicked funk you wouldn't believe! Or would you. Well I do know a few of you would understand what I'm saying.

I'm going on my second year in a couple of months of posting on this blog and I feel like seriously quitting. I really started it to keep myself and a few of you that wander into my trap entertained. I could be pulling wings off flies now and then but this was mainly to keep me out of trouble.

I've been having trouble sleeping again and I'm getting so fucking moody that I feel like one day I might do something I may regret. I've been very snappish with poor David. I hate hurting his feelings. I love that man sooooooo fucking much! I have been having crying jags lately because I can't go back to work for at least another four to six months. I know it's my depression creeping in again. I've been pretty damned great about keeping that filthy bitch at bay. Goddess! Why am I saying all this shit!! I need to go away for a while. Sorry my minions.

Tough Shit Tuesday

2012-01-31T09:37:00.000-06:00

I just got back from the Orthopedic Comedian's office. He said i was w a y ahead of myself in getting through my recovery. The workouts at the pool and the home exercises, not to mention all your great prayers are helping. He was very happy in the outcome. But I will have to come back to see him in four weeks.

In a way it made me happy that I am doing so well, but I am so depressed that I'm not getting the sleep I so desperately need. The pain is absolutely unreal at night. I was crying on the way home. Thank the Goddess David was driving.

I did see something though that made me laugh. I don't know if any of you remember the bling week I had back in 2010 but this was the first item of bling I found on the web that weekend, check the blog for it. I'll wait ...
http://canwehaveanewwitchoursmelted.blogspot.com/2010/08/whole-week-of-bling-first-item.html

Well I saw a little VW Bug with a set of the lashes on it. A middle aged woman was driving it and all I could say was, "You go girl!" It was just the cutest thing. It got David's attention too. I asked if I could have a set with the rhinestone bling to go with it. He said he has to drive my car too. He didn't want to be laughed at. That's just the wet shits.

Early View of an Audi Super Bowl 2012 Commercial

2012-01-30T06:11:00.000-06:00

Just A Stupid Update

2012-01-26T11:10:00.000-06:00

UGH!!! The past two days have been like farting shit balls. It's been dreary and wet outside and I just love that kind of weather. It just doesn't love me. It has made the tissues on the sides and the backs of my knees swell up so bad that I walk like Frankenstein's Mutha.

Yepper's, I'm walking all stiff legged around the house. I just need to hang my arms out in front of me and well you get the picture. It was pretty funny when I was trying to get down the stairs in the front yard to get the mail. All stiff legged and ... ummm you get the picture.

Anywho I feel a whole lot better today. I see my Orthopedic comedian on Tuesday next week and I intend to ask him if my knee area is going to swell up like this every time bad weather hits. If so I want better drugs. The Hydrocodone 7.5's were not working during that time and I was forced to take some Darvocet I had stashed away. It wasn't a good thing. I was really hoping to find some of my secret stash of hash but that didn't happen. I was so fucking pissed from the pain these past two days that David pretty much kept his distance, so did my appetite.

So now I'm hungrier than a bear. Thank the Goddess that I don't feel like making anything to eat. I'll wait till dinner. I'm making BBQ chicken for David and Kung Pao chicken with rice and home made veggy egg rolls for me. I always have to make him something different when I cook what he calls Bow Wow, Meow Meow. He hates Oriental food. To bad. Most of it is very good for you.

Well, I need to get changed and schlep my fat ass over to the Wellness Center to work out the rest of this stiffness in my legs in that nice heated pool of theirs.

The Crazy Witch's Daybook

2012-01-24T10:50:00.000-06:00

My mood is: We have some rainy weather out here so it makes me this way. I love rain. The sound, the smell. It makes everything clean.

What I heard this morning: We found out that a Trader Joe's is coming to San Antonio. Well wuptyfuckingdoo. Everyone is happy about it like it was the Foodie Mecca of grocery stores. Big fucking deal! So what! I don't see any point in shopping in a store that has over priced goods.

Marty the Shed God

What I'm doing: Laundry and cleaning. This weather makes me crazy. So I have to compensate in some way to use up the excess energy. I was going to go outside and cleanup the courtyard but the rain says otherwise.

David is a messy builder. He likes to leave his toys all over in the courtyard area. So I have to pick them up and put the back in his work shed. That means I have to encounter the Shed God, Marty.

What ticks me off: DAVID'S DRIVING!!!! IT SUCKS!!!!

This past Saturday afternoon, after my anxiety episode, David asked if I would like to take a ride with him to San Antonio. Of coarse I wasn't too sure if I should go but I decided I needed to get out and do this again. I asked him why and he said he wanted to take the LCD TV to get it fixed.

The sucker is a monster and it barely fit into the back seat of my car. When we bought it, we had David's truck to bring it home. Anywho, David drove to the place and we dropped it off for repairs. It was in a mini mall but there just happened to be a ginormous mall next to it. So we were leaving and David is driving around the mall and having to stop at every stinking stop sign.

I asked him if there was anywhere in particular he was thinking of going to.He said he had to get to an access road which he just happened to be skirting in the mall. Yeppers. I said is that the road you are looking for, pointing to his left. He said he didn't think so.

SOOOOO!! fourteen stop signs later we turned right onto that very road. I just gave him a very long hot stare and didn't say a word. He said ~~right after he put the flames out on his left shoulder~~ that sometimes he should start listening to me. WHAT???? Did I hear that right??!! Shit I wished I had my recorder with me. I really have to take it with me more often.

We were driving along and I asked him why he puts his hands on the very top of the steering wheel. It causes the car to jerk side to side and he has no control. He said he liked it that way. Mmkay I shut up, jerking side to side. After five minutes, I said to pull the car over and let me drive the rest of the way home. He said why, you don't like my driving? Then he said he has never been in an accident in his whole life. At that time we were passing an accident scene. I blurted out that there was always the first time. Besides, I was getting sea sick. Of course he drove the rest of the way home. I didn't talk to him until Sunday morning.
Mental note * Always grab the car keys first or stay home.

What I'm reading: Life Support: Three Nurses on the Front Lines(Culture and Politics of Health Care Work) by Suzanne Gordon. It's basically about three nurses that work at Boston's Beth Israel Hospital. The shit they have to put up with. How they are trying to make it better for other nurses coming into the field by educating doctors about what nursing really is.

When I started reading this book, it reminded me of not only what nurses have to put up with the doctors. But the fact that other health care workers including nurses get no respect from doctors. Reading this book made me realize that it's a shame the way they are treated. I really recommend that you read this book. It will make you want to hug a nurse.

What's for dinner: Since the weather is all grey and rainy out. I think we'll have a salad and Manwiches. David went crazy when I said that I was making this tonight. The man was hoping for sloppy joe's and I love Manwiches so ....

Lawdy, What a Weekend !

2012-01-23T14:34:00.000-06:00

I can't believe what all happened this weekend. First, it started Friday night with David taking me out to eat at a new place in town that is still trying to get their shit together. I like going to these places cause I like to let them know where they can improve. The place wasn't all that bad. They have pretty damned good food. They just have a bit of a problem with the wait staff and the fact that they have no liquor license yet. Otherwise it was a great place to eat.

David and I came into the place early and got a good table. We had no problem with anything. Then a party of four came in. Two women and two guys. One of the guys I could tell was gay because he went "Flame On" as soon as he entered. All he could do was complain about everything. They were seated next to me so I heard it all.

He complained about the tables, the chairs being hard wood and too heavy to move. He complained about the paper napkins, the menu items. But when the prima dona found out no booze was being served he grabbed his ginormous sunglasses and put them on and said out loud that he couldn't handle this. Then got up and sashayed out the door like a little princess. His friends were mortified. They payed for their trouble and left to go find him I guess. Hell I would have kicked his ass.

Then Saturday morning David and I went grocery shopping. I am trying very hard to fight my anxiety problems and this was one of them. We were doing fine. Half the shopping was done and I was feeling good. Then it happened. I was with David in the canned foods aisle and he was looking at the gadgets which happen to line the other side. As I was walking and picking up cans of this and that I turned to put them into the basket but he wasn't there with me. I looked up the other aisle, no David. I went into a panic. When I found saw him in the meat area. I could have killed him.

I threw the cans into the cart and demanded the car keys. He asked why and I told him I wasn't feeling good. He came out later with the goodies and we drove home. I didn't talk to him the whole way home. I was totally furious with him. He knew I was a basket case and he knew not to leave me like that in the store.

When we got home I went into the bedroom and waited for him to finish putting away the groceries. I didn't feel like helping him with anything. He came into the room and I told him what happened and why I was mad. We didn't have a knock down drag out because we don't like to fight like that. We just talked and he knew he was in the wrong. It really bummed me out. Soooo next week Saturday, he and I are going to try this again. I told him not to go to far from me cause I'm still not ready. I really have to work on this problem though.

Funny Friday

2012-01-20T07:35:00.000-06:00

A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It's after midnight.
While enroute home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness. The man
suspects his wife is having an affair and he wants to catch her in the
act. For $100, the cabby agrees. Quietly arriving home, the husband and
cabby tip-toe into the bedroom. The husband switches on the lights, yanks
the blanket back, and there is his wife in bed with another man!

The husband puts a gun to the naked man's head. The wife shouts, "Don't
do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money. "HE paid for the Corvette
I gave you. "HE paid for our new cabin cruiser. "HE paid for your season
tickets for the Cowboys.
"HE paid for our house at the lake. "HE paid for our country club
membership, and "HE even pays the monthly dues!"

Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun. He looks
over at the cabby and says "What would you do?"

The cabby replies, "I'd cover his ass with that blanket before he catches
cold."

Stranger Than Shit

2012-01-19T10:58:00.000-06:00

Mmkay, I got my coffee.
This past week has been a strange week for me. I went back to the Wellness Center(WC) to work out in the pool for an hour. It was great getting back into the swing of things but getting into the pool was a weird feeling.

When I got into the water my knees felt like they were pockets of jello and air. Now, I know there are metal pieces in there, but DAYUM!! It felt like air. It was also hard to walk in the pool cause my knees came up so easily. Such a strange feeling. But I did get one hell of a workout that was 10 times better than being out of water.

When it was time for me to get out, I was dreading it. You know that heavy ton of bricks feeling you get? Well to keep from getting it I took one step out of the pool and paused then another step out and paused. I didn't have that feeling at all. But walking was still a pain in the ass. Thank the Goddess my cane was near by.

Sheeeeeeeee's Baaaaaaack!!!

2012-01-19T10:09:00.000-06:00

Yeppers, the one woman that gives "Jersey Wup Ass" it's name is back. If you don't know who I'm talking about, I'm sorry. She, aka Dark Mother, now The Hippy Jersey Devil is back with her snarky assed blog. Yep and she can write a mean one too. So welcome back Bitch! We all missed you.

Whoa, after that intro, I don't know what to do. Wait let me get some coffee and I'll be right back.

2012-01-18T07:30:00.000-06:00

Tagged, Who Me???

2012-01-16T09:46:00.000-06:00

While I was vegging out the past few weeks I was tagged by Keltik. Yeppers, I got tagged. Oh woe is me. Now I have to tell a bit more about my boring ass self. This could be ugly so right now anything I say cannot and will not be used against me in a court of law and all that other legal shit.

The rules are:
1. Post the rules.
2. You must post 11 random things about yourself.
3. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post.
4. Create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer.
5. Go to their blog and tell them that you tagged them.
6. No stuff in the tagging section about "you are tagged if you are reading this. You have to legitimately have to tag 11 people.

Mmkay, 11 things about me, random of course.

1. Both David and I are Libras. We think as if we were twins. We don't fight like most couples because of this little quark. We also finish each others sentences. Freaky, I know!

2. I didn't get my drivers license until I was 28. While I was taking the driving portion with the County Mounty, reflecting sunglasses and the hat and everything including attitude and crap. He was busy writing on his clip board and told me to make a right turn right NOW. I was doing about 15mph and the turn was enough for him to loose his glasses, hat and temper in less than 2 seconds. Hey he told me to turn, I turned. If he didn't pay attention it was his fault. But I got my license anyways.

3. I loved Chemistry in college. It gave me a crazy love for baking and making up recipes. David is usually my taste tester. I want the puppies to live so I never let them try anything until David gives the thumbs up.

4. I love my puppies. They are like children in fuzzy pj's with a speech impediment. They have the quirkiest personalities. They always come to me for something and I just tell them to go ask their daddy(David) and they actually run to him. We will sometimes play this game back and forth until they get tired of us and start barking.

5. I suffer from anxiety attacks when I go out alone and/or sometimes with David. I start to shake on the inside really bad. I hate going shopping because of this so I buy most of the things I need from the internet. David now does the grocery shopping because of it.

6. I love to draw and paint. But I won't do it anymore because I'm afraid of someone commissioning something for me to do for them and it will turn out awful. Guess it falls under the anxiety thing I have.

7. I love to drive fast. You might say I have my "low level pilot's license". When David and I go on road trips, he tends to fall asleep. That gives me my chance to run her up to 120 or more. I have done 136 in New Mexico on my way to Cloud Croft. It was fucking awesome!!

8. I suffer from insomnia really bad. I will go 4 or 5 nights without sleep. Then when it's time I will sleep for 24 hours without waking up.

9. I don't drink or smoke anymore. It's been 10 years.

10. I love Pinterest.com . It's like Fantasy Football for women. Bad thing about it is that when you start looking at all the pretty things on that site, you forget about space and time. Before you know it, 4 hours have passed.

11. I am certified crazy. Yeppers, I'm totally schitzoid to the max and have papers to prove it. David knows but he doesn't care cause he says it makes life interesting.

Mmkay, now I have to answer Keltik's questions.
1. What is your favorite Season?
I love spring because that is my time to plant all my flowers.

2. What is your favorite childhood memory?
When we were stationed in Germany. My sister and brothers went walking near the orchards of the German farmers. My sister and I were the lookouts and the boys would climb the trees and throw apples and peaches to us to put in our aprons. One day the farmer came out and my sister and I took off running when we saw the gun he was carrying. We didn't tell the boys and they got shot with rock salt in the butt. They couldn't sit for days.

3. What is your dream vacation?
OMG!!! two weeks in Fiji. No worries, no cares about money.

4. Who is your favorite fictional character?
Hmmmm, it would have to be Merit from the Chicagoland Vampire novels by Chloe Neill. Merit is a tough little shit when she's fired up. She's crazy in love with her maker, hates her father, loves her grandfathers meatloaf. And she's a chocoholic.

5. Who was your favorite teacher, and why?
Prof. McCort. She was my Anatomy and Physiology teacher in college. She made coming to class fun.

6. Do you have a favorite comfort item;what is it?
I have a fake fur blanket that will fit a king sized bed that I love to snuggle in on really icy cold days. Sucker cost me $600 but it's well worth it. It's a fake fur snow leopard.

7. If you could be reincarnated as another living creature (non-human) what would
you be?
I'd be a Boston Terrier.They are so cute and childlike.

8. Did you have a reoccurring dream as a child; if so, what was it?
Not really.

9. If you could have any career you wanted, what would it be?
Fighter pilot. "I feel the need for speed!"

10. Do you have a phobia; what is it?
I have several but one is that I hate roaches and really big spiders.

11. What is your favorite movie?
The Devil Wears Prada

Oky Doky Smoky. 11 questions for the people that I tag are:

1. How many animals (dogs, cats, husbands) do you have currently living with you?
2. Have you ever had feelings that you were in a certain place in another life?
3. If you could live in any era in time, who and where would you be?
4. What would you do if you had $10 million tax free?
5. Do you believe in love at first sight? why or why not. Explain with charts and grafts please.
6. What are your favorite colors?
7. Have you ever talked your way out of a speeding ticket?
8. If you could have plastic surgery, free of charge, what would you have done?
9. Do you like the sea or lake?
10. What do you collect and display in your home?
11. Have any of your dreams sort of come true?

Now, the one's that I'm tagging are:

1. http://shewhoseeks.blogspot.com/
2. http://absynthe-and-arsenic.blogspot.com/
3. http://dancingspatulawand.blogspot.com/
4. http://merlinsmistress.blogspot.com/
5. http://heathens-haven.blogspot.com/
6. http://southerndysfunction.blogspot.com/
7. http://southernfrieddoublewide.blogspot.com/
8. http://www.pardonmyblog.com/
9. http://bridgetsdaughter5.blogspot.com/
10.http://wiccanwrites.blogspot.com/
11.http://yeahgoodtimes.blogspot.com/

Ready or not y'all are tagged.

Busy Shit Saturday

2012-01-14T13:08:00.000-06:00

Holy shit-balls Batman!!! The stuff David and I did in just one morning. Wow! First, he went and bought a new Router, which we dearly needed cause our old one was like farting dust all the time. which lead to upgrading the computers in the media room, including "Little Hal" my mini Hp laptop. So that is done.

My sweet ride -2004 Honda Accord

Then we both went out and tried to get my car stereo back on. When David took to to get the sticker updated they unhooked the battery which changed the stereo code on the anti theft dealy bopper. Damned Honda!! So we tried to put in the old code but we didn't know the code had changed. What a major bitch! So I called the Honda dealership to see if we could get help without taking the "Rice Burner" down there.

I finally got some asshole cause he acted like it. Yes, I already emailed a scathing hot nasty letter to the manager about their service people. Anywho, we accessed the new code through the guy and he gave us the new code. Then the bastard hung up on me! No problemo, you'll hear from me shithead. So I put in the new code and it worked. I set David's radio stations "on my car" and then went back inside. It was freezing out there and my legs were hurting.

Then David left for errands "in my car" because he likes all the surround speakers I have in it. And his music sounds better than in his truck. His excuse to use my car is that it uses less gas. Yeah, whatever!

So now he's out getting my prescriptions and playing around in Wally World. Then he said he will be going to Home Desperate to see about getting side rails for the old kitchen drawers and the pull handles I wanted. So he will be out for at least an hour, which means I can play on "Little Hal" for a bit and write a few posts for Monday and Tuesday.

2012 Bites!!

2012-01-12T10:05:00.000-06:00

So far 2012 is the shits for me. My knees are so freaking swollen from the cold and sometimes wet weather that it's hard to walk or exercise. But I am trying hard to keep going and doing what I need to do. So to let you all know, we didn't get to go on the road trip like I wanted.

David is sooooooo like a freaking mother hen! He took one look at my swollen knees and called off the trip. Instead he took off the whole week to take care of me and work on the cabinets, which are bitchin! The man is talented for sure.

So in between doing my exercises and going on small walks around the yard with him and the puppies, it's been pure fun, yeah right. I am stuck in bed most of the time with my knees up on pillows with ice packs to bring down the swelling. And high on pain killers which most of the time knock me out. The only reason why I'm on the laptop is cause David went to get more paint and some more goodies from Home ~~Desperate~~ Depot. Otherwise, I won't be on unless he takes a slow boat to China.

2012-01-04T10:33:00.002-06:00

I'm letting you all know that I will be away for a while. I need time away from this place so David is taking me up to Austin for the rest of the week. I have no freaking idea what we will do up there that we can't do here but we are leaving in an hour. Hope he lets me do some shopping at World Market and the Container Store, Oh and my favorite place to shop is Pottery Barn. So if this is a shopping trip for me I'm happy as a clam. Back on Monday my minions. Have a great week.

Back In The Saddle Again

2012-01-03T11:56:00.000-06:00

Yepper's, that's a roger! I'm back to semi-abby-normal. First off, I need to thank all my readers for their well wishes and prayers for me. To let you all know that prayers and candle lighting really does do wonders for the person who needs the help. Thank you all so very much!!!

I went to see Dr. D. this morning for my left knee post-op. He took out the staples and put on six sterry strips. I told him about the weird clicking sounds my knee makes when I do my exercises and he said "like this?" Then proceeded to move my knee around like I was a contortionist or something. It didn't hurt but my knee made some ungodly strange clicking noises and it alarmed me. He said it was natural to hear it so not to worry. I could have slapped him for making fun of something that I considered important to me.

More great news is that I don't have to see him for four more weeks and I get to go back to the Wellness Center to continue my workouts there for both knees starting next Monday. When I told him I was a member he said that he wished he had more patients like me. Fast healer, a clicker and takes exercise seriously.

David has been working on the cabinets like a crazed mad man. He has most of the one side of the room done and will start the other side this weekend. Goddess!!! It looks so wonderful. The man is so fucking talented. He said he wants to have the top cabinets all done by February 1st. Then he starts on the bottom cabinets and drawers. He said he has a timeline that is going along just fine. By the end of March he will have the counter tops and back splash in and then start on the flooring. I know this is taking like forever but I don't give a shit cause I know it's being done right and with great care on David's part. The man is a stickler for perfection.

Well I have a house to clean and laundry to finish up on. Brightest Blessings my dears.

Happy 2012

2011-12-31T10:01:00.000-06:00

It's been a hell of a weird and mean year for me and some of you too, my minions. Let's hope this one is a bit better.

Just A Note Before The Weekend

2011-12-30T04:11:00.000-06:00

I can't sleep so that gives me a great excuse to play like an old lady sitting next to you on a plane and tell you about all my operations and pain experiences and grand kids and such. In other words I'm back to bother the shit out of y'all.

Had the left knee totally replaced. Yeah, yeah. It's a pain in the ass right now but what can I say. I asked for it. I got out of the hospital on Thursday last week but I wished I could have stayed another two days. I felt like, wait, I FEEL like shit warmed over right now. Pain is unbelievable but I have my meds and can control the pain on my own. That's a good thing.

David is home for the whole week and hasn't watched a single episode of Jerry Springer *GASP*! I know!!! It's like he's was abducted by aliens or something. He has been working like a mad man on the cabinets in the kitchen. He waits until I get up in the morning so he won't wake me up with all the sanding noise from the sander I got him six years ago. The man is just finding out all the cool toys I bought him when I was still working. I have a picture of one of the cabinets that he finished to show me how the rest of them will look. It's awesome! The light brown paint job on the outside makes the kitchen look bigger and brighter. I love it!

David will be going back to work next week so I will be on my own. No more hand maiden to wait on me hand and foot. No more loud sanding on the cabinets and such. Whatever shall I do?? BWAAAHAAhaahahahahahahaaasnort! Sorry, I just had to get that evil out of my system.

I'm Back

2011-12-29T16:47:00.000-06:00

Hello my dear minions. I know I said I would be out for a few weeks, but there is this thing called boredom. Yeppers,I'm bored out of my gourd right now while I'm lying here in bed partially zonked out from my meds. So I have been busy looking for shit to get into. While I was doing that, I found this. I know that most of you have seen this video but there are still a few of us who live under the proverbial rock. So you under-rock-dwellers, please enjoy.

Notes

2011-12-18T14:44:00.000-06:00

Mmkay. Thought I'd let everyone of you know I will be out for a few weeks. Yep, just like the last time when I had the other knee done. I will be going into the hospital on Monday morning at 6am for the total left knee replacement. I should be out on Thursday hopefully in the morning. David is ready to take care of me and I'll have my meds ready here at home before I arrive so there won't be any waiting while I'm in pain. So why do I have this really bad feeling something will not go as planned. Hmmmmm.

Funny Cartoons For The Season

2011-12-17T12:49:00.000-06:00

Friday Funny

2011-12-16T05:24:00.000-06:00

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the beltway outside Washington, D.C. Nothing was moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.

The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, collecting donations."

"How much is everyone giving, on average?" the driver asks.

The man replies, "Roughly a gallon."

Letters From Santa And The Mrs.

2011-12-15T00:28:00.000-06:00

Just a few cracked Santa letters you might enjoy.

Dog Video Gamers Out There

2011-12-15T00:27:00.000-06:00

For all you dog owners out there. Here is a funny cartoon I found for you.

Weird Wednesday or The Ultimate Christmas Yard Decoration

2011-12-14T00:17:00.000-06:00

My hubby/plaything sent this to me via email and I laughed my ass off at it. I didn't post all the pictures but you can find the whole thing on the web. Check out all the details that went into this.

The site is near the Oak Creek Bridge on the St. Michael’s Road [MD 33]. The folks who own the property always have eye-catching displays celebrating various ‘holidays’ through the year… this year they have certainly outdone themselves!

Tough Shit Tuesday or The Crazy Cat Lady Is At It Again!

2011-12-13T11:36:00.000-06:00

Mmkay. I don't want any hate mail or hate comments about this. I like cats, don't get me wrong. I have been a slave to two or three throughout my lifetime so far. In fact I do have a familiar who is a stray and has the finest manners anyone could ask of a cat. Her name is Sweetie Pie. I had her fixed when I first arrived here in town and settled down with the hubster. She comes in every evening in the winter to stay warm and play with my dogs. Shit, she even sleeps with them and they love her. During the day if it's not too cold she wants out and will come back when it gets cold or rainy. Sooooo, don't anyone say I'm an animal hater, especially cats.

Well yesterday I finally got tired of this woman from across the street. There have been problems with her before and all my neighbors are getting tired of her antics. She works as a parole officer and you would think she has the smarts to know you can get in trouble with the Animal control if you do what she does.

We have a population explosion of cats in our neighborhood courtesy of my wacky neighbor from across the street who has a broken front bedroom window that lets animals go in and out of her house. She is not a poor woman by no means. She has no one to support. She's not married. She's just wacko to the max. She has made no effort to have that window fixed. Yet my husband has said he saw raccoons going into the window at night. If she wants the cats so bad, then why doesn't she have them fixed. She has connections she could have it done. Problem is, she has soooooo many excuses that they're coming out of her ass now. Just catch them and have them fixed you dumb ass bitch.

What all this is about and leading up to you might wonder is I have called Animal Control on her YET again. They are coming over tomorrow to check out the situation of her house and talk to me and hopefully leave a few cages. Also to reprimand her for feeding the strays which she was told by A.C. not to do. She is also not allowed to have cats on her property. A.C. knows her very well and she might go to jail if they catch her at it. I do feel sorry for her cause her family lives on the coast, but if she would at least show some effort to cleaning up her act then people wouldn't hate her so damned much around here.

My Yearly Christmas Playlist Is Out

2011-12-13T09:50:00.000-06:00

Yeppers, that's right. I added a couple of songs and deleted some I really didn't think were all that funny. So I hope you enjoy the music while running around in my blog. Enjoy, my minions.

The Crazy Witch's Daybook

2011-12-12T14:08:00.000-06:00

My Mood: Yeah whatever. I'm soooooo freaking bored right now. I was going to work on my BOS today and get a few pages done but I'm not in the mood. Maybe later.

Freaky Shit Over The Weekend: I watched the GOP debate and just laughed my ass off. As usual our beloved STUPID Governor Rick "Prick" Perry made an ass of himself, as usual. The man needs to shut up. But nooOOOOooooo. He goes and opens his stupid yap and makes a complete idiot out of himself which isn't hard and picks a little fight with Romney over mandates and what he said in a book. One thing my sweet minions. Please consider this.

Never ever vote for ANYONE FROM TEXAS FOR PRESIDENT.

Just sayin...

I was working on my exercises for my right knee on Saturday and of all things, I pulled a muscle in my calf. SHIT!!! That was so fucking painful. I should have warmed up first but I was in a hurry. I had a hard time walking the whole weekend so I had to grab my cane. I finally got things back to normal this morning. But dang! That was one painful lesson.

David is still working on the kitchen. He was playing around on his favorite web site Home~~Desperate~~Depot.com. He was looking around in there for the counter top and back splash that I wanted. Sneaky bugger. Me thinks he shall get this done while I am in the hospital. At least I think he will. He's sneaky like that.

Our first yule together, back in 2002. He bought a chef's kitchen island that I oooo'd and ahhh'd about in World Market in Austin. It had a marble inlaid top and wine rack on the bottom. It was absolutely gorgeous. He went all the way back to Austin to get it for me while I was working. I cried croc tears on Yule when I opened it up. Best Yule ever. Mmkay, what did I get on the Humble Meter?

What I'm Reading: I finally got my newest Chloe Neill book, Drink Deep. Yes I'm an avid reader of all things Vamp and Witch. She combines both worlds and I just love it! Her 6th book comes out in August. The only thing I can say is, if you haven't picked up this book yet do so but start with her first one Some Girls Bite. She's awesome!

Other Shit and Ramblings: Since I had my right knee replacement I haven't had much of an appetite. I was told that some people lose their appetite when they have surgery like mine. But it was totally weird. Because while I was in the hospital for those three days I only drank cranberry juice or ate jello. David kept prodding me to eat but I couldn't.

It got to the point that I stopped eating at home too. I just gave the excuse that I was in too much pain to eat something. Which was also true. It was like I just couldn't eat with the pain going on in my knee. So now I'm eating somewhat. But it's like a hit and miss. Like for tonight, no dinner for me cause I'm not interested. I still cook for David but I'm just not hungry. When I get better after this left knee surgery coming up, I sure hope this continues. I'll be working out again at the Wellness Center by February. Then the pounds should be melting off from all the activity.

Okay, I Decided

2011-12-06T11:49:00.000-06:00

Sorry, my minions, but I've been busy getting things in order. I went to see my doctor for my knee and we are set to do the left one on the 19th of December. Yes, yes, I know. "What a glutton for pain and punishment." Just blame it on my Catholic upbringing. BWAAaahahhaaaahahaaaa!!

MMkay. I got that evil shit out of my way. Thank you all for your input for the surgery. I finally chose to do it when I walked into the doctor's office. I figured, WTF! I had the other one done I might as well get this one too. Besides, the insurance covers it 100% with zero out of pocket and David didn't know what to get me for Christmas this year.

The bad thing is, is this is gonna suck slimy canal water big time. I will be out of the hospital on Yule but I will still miss being able to celebrate and do my yearly rituals. It really sucks in the worst way. I'll be confined to bed for at least two to three days. And the bad thing is that I'm still recovering with the pain from the right knee replacement. Goddess!! I'm so into S&M!!! BWAAHAhahahahaaaaasnort! Sorry, it's the drugs talking.

Oh I also got a nice little shot in the ass ~~really my hip~~ this morning while in the doctor's office. I have a bursitis problem with my right hip. Ever since the weather changed to wet and cold it's been acting up so he shot me up. I feel so good now. It should be good for 100,000 miles or one year. Which ever comes first. So now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to put some mileage on by walking on the treadmill.

Knee Pain - Is There Any Relief Other Than A Gun

2011-11-29T09:46:00.000-06:00

Mmkay, I am seriously thinking hard about weather or not I should get my left knee done. I'm not kidding here I'm scared that I made the wrong choice in starting the knee replacement with my right knee. This is eating me up and I have until Tuesday next week to decide what to do. So I am asking for help.

If anyone has had a knee replacement for arthritic knees and is over weight. Please let me know how you are doing. I want to know if you are having pain and when it hits you. From the tiniest ache to throbbing "get me a freaking gun so I can shoot myself " type pain.

I am so serious here and I would really appreciate anyone who will help me make this decision. I am still in a great deal of pain even after doing my exercises and riding my exercise bike. I have trouble standing because of the pain and stiffness, so it is hard to make dinner much less do laundry and cleaning the house but I get it done. My nights are really bad because the pain is constant. I am in my sixth week of recouping from the surgery which was on the 24th of October.

So if anyone would like to help me please do. If you don't want to put it in the comments on this post then email me.
Thank You so very much my friends.

Yeah, I Guess It's Monday

2011-11-28T13:18:00.000-06:00

I hate Monday mornings but there is a good side to today. David finally went back to work after a whole Thanksgiving week off. So that meant I got to lay around and do absofuckinglutely nothing until 11 am. Yeppers, the puppies and I layed in bed like lazy ol' bears. Not a care in the world. Finally, I had the whole house to myself, with the puppies of coarse.

So what did I do?? I cleaned and did laundry! It felt so great to be able to do something again without someone breathing down my neck.

Oh something else to share. I have pictures of the walls and ceiling of the kitchen that David finished taping and floating (plastering over and over and over and ... he's so fucking anal retentive) and painting with a primer. It looks great with the white primer but it's so freaking sterile looking. So here are the pics.

One of the LED lamps he pulled down to paint around

He put up the vent enclosure like I wanted

He finally finished the old oven enclosure and we put in the microwave and some pots and pans

See how white these walls are

This linoleum is going next. In comes the Bamboo flooring

I have no idea when he will start on the cabinets, counter top or the backsplash. I'm thinking my kitchen will be done around possibly the 4th of July if I'm lucky. But I'll keep y'all posted.

Itchy Dancing

2011-11-25T11:21:00.000-06:00

My husband, David and I have this fantastic rug for our bedroom. It's a huge ruff bamboo. I found out today while I was doing my exercises that the puppies love it too.

Pebbles and The Spunkinator get down and dance (sorry no pictures) on the rug while I'm doing my knee and leg routeen. They start out with the dying fish out of water number. I can only describe it as, well two fish wiggling back and forth, wiggling head to touch toes which is exactly what they do on their backs.

They wiggle from side to side on their backs and make hacking noises like they're dying. Then they stop for a moment and catch their breaths. Pebbles then turns over on her stomach and starts doing the lizard drag while Spunky watches. It's something like a lizard holding itself up on his front legs while dragging his back useless legs around on the floor. Arching the back is key so that the stomach makes full contact with the rug.

By the time I am done with all ten exercises of my own, they are done with their dance ~~itch relief~~ routeen. I tried to take pictures once but as soon as I get the camera into view they stop and give me dirty looks like this is their private dance. It's not for the whole world to see. Little prima donnas

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone

2011-11-24T10:45:00.000-06:00

Happy Thanksgiving My Friends!!

I'm so freaking busy I don't have time to think or even post anymore. It's absolutely crazy around here and I have to apologize to all my minions and non-minions because I haven't posted in over a week and a half .

David has been off all week since it's Thanksgiving. That makes it hard to do things I want to do cause he's underfoot all the time and won't let me do anything. Also, he is being a total anal shithead. He has plastered and replastered the walls and ceiling in the kitchen, not to mention sanding the rough plaster which produces so fucking much dust all over the kitchen and gets tracked throughout the house. I want to plaster him but good. I never thought I'd say this but I wish he'd just sit in front of the TV and watch Jerry Springer all day.

But I did get the laundry done and some house cleaning finished before today. I took his sanding toys away and hid them in the trunk of my car until after today is over.

I had my last in-home physical therapy yesterday (Wednesday) and got a great rating. Sarah, not her name, said she will be submitting her report to Dr. D by next week Friday. I was able to bend my knee 110 degrees which is what is needed to pass. I was so excited and I had no pain at all except for my bad knee. Soooo that means if the report is favorable as I know it will be, the total knee replacement surgery will be done next month on my left knee as planned. I'm so excited. Yes I know I'm weird. But that's me.
If the doctor says yes, then we will do the surgery on the 12th of December and I will be out on the 15th. Hoping everything goes well here.

I'm Two Weeks Ahead

2011-11-13T11:10:00.000-06:00

Hello my dear minions. I'm back. So very sorry for the long hiatus that I took. I am ashamed that I left my friends and loved ones without letting you all know about it and when I would be back. But I am back for a while.

xray of knee replacements (not mine of coarse) notice staples in right xray

This past Tuesday I went to finally get my staples out of my right knee and got x-rays of it and the left knee. It was so fucking awesome to see something foreign inside my knee area even though it feels like I have a normal knee joint. It's going on four weeks now and I've been walking with nothing, no cane, no walker, nothing since the second week. My in home Physical Therapist said I'm two weeks ahead of myself in recovery, which is so fucking amazing to myself. But I'm going to slow it down a bit so I don't overdo it and end up back where I started three weeks ago.

To let you understand the pain, it's still like something on the maddening side of reality. I wouldn't wish this on my worse enemy except my sister Barb. Yeah, you bitch! But thank the Goddess for painkillers. My problem is to remember to take the little buggers before they wear off and I go insane. Those of you who had any kind of joint replacement like a knee or hip, know what I'm talking about.

For those of you who haven't, all this is an FYI to take care of your joints if you're young or if this is hereditary like mine, ~~thank you mom, you bitch~~ then try to still take care of yourself and exercise regularly to keep the weight down because in most cases this is from keeping a large amount of weight. So I have heredity and weight on the bad side of me. Yippy! But I am trying to get the weight off. When I get the left knee done and the staples out I will be schlepping my fat butt over to the Wellness Center to not only work my knees but to work the weight off too.

Just Some Stuff To Keep You Up To Date

2011-11-06T14:06:00.000-06:00

Thank you ALL for sending me healing thoughts. They have helped a great deal. I feel wonderful for someone who had surgery to replace a knee only a week and a half ago. I mean to tell you that it's not exactly something I would do every day. It surely was not a piece of cake and the pain was a mother fucker to go through.

I have a fantastic Physical Therapist who treats me like shit. She makes me work hard. Wish I could get a treat for doing something good. ahahahahahaaa! She says I'm still two weeks ahead of many of her other patients in their exercises. I'm now walking around without a cane while many others are still on their walkers. My doctor is very happy with what is happening. I will be getting the staples out on Tuesday this week so I plan to get totally blitzed before I go. I might take pictures of the removal if I can function.

This week I will be taking new pictures of the kitchen renovation. Don't expect something great on this cause David has been busy taking care of me and then working too. My poor baby is getting so tired. He deserves to go fishing or something he likes to do to relax.

Freaky Friday

2011-11-04T09:19:00.000-05:00

Mmkay my sweet minions. I promised some of you pictures of my stapled knee so that means ALL of you have to endure the grizzly pictures. Yes and they are so mouth watering too.

Quick Note My Loves

2011-11-03T09:24:00.000-05:00

I went to see the doctor this morning. He will take the staples out for sure on Tuesday the 8th. In the mean time I am going through butt loads of pain and swelling. He said it was normal.

I'm totally on the cane now and going up and down stairs. My PT person is kicking my fat fluffy ass all over the place. I am really hurting right now so I am taking a couple of my meds and getting an ice pack. I will have pictures for you all on Freaky Friday MWAAHAHAHahahahahahaaaa!!!!!

I"m Back For A While

2011-11-01T09:59:00.000-05:00

I made it through the surgery with flying colors, my minions. I went into the hospital and had the total knee replacement in 45 minutes and spent an hour in recovery, which is normal. Then got out of the hospital on Thursday. Drugged but not painless. Shit!!

A few funny stuff I noticed. The OR had one entire wall area with a table covered in drills, I counted four of them. They were all nice and shiny stainless steel. All sizes of drill bits imaginable. Mallets, hammers, screws, metal plates, claw plates, chisels, cutters, etc, etc. This table could make any man whine and cry if not dribble like one of Pavlov's dogs. maybe even make Home Desperate envious.

They didn't put me "out". They gave me an epidural, which was fucking weird as shit. I was awake for the whole thing and it was way cool!! It felt like he was guiding his finger over my knee when he was cutting into my knee. When I said that was so cool, the anesthesiologist asked if I felt pain. I told her no but she still asked if I would like to be put out for the rest of the procedure. I told her no. Through the whole thing I just felt light pressure and feather like touching of my knee. It was great. I got to hear all the drilling and cutting and the "oops" now and then. I told the doctor to check the oil and transmission fluid too. Everything was good under the hood.

I counted 25 staples going into my knee when he finished. David was with me when I was in recovery. I was trying to move my toes by then. That was a strange feeling to go through. They get my final vitals in my room connected my ass to every IV, oxygen and my new little best friend, my fentanyl pump. I actually locked myself out of the pump twice. My nurse checked it and adjusted the lock out for me.

I started walking with a walker on Tuesday and now I'm walking with my cane off and on. My PT said I'm three weeks ahead of myself. I need to slow down or my ass will catch fire. I have Home Health and a Physical Therapist come in three times a week to teach me new exercises and to make sure I'm doing the stuff they left me.

Other than that I'm just puttin along as best I can. Trying to stay one step ahead of the fucking knee pain. I will still be around reading blogs when I can. But for now I have a couple of Hydrocodone pills with my name on them. Ciao.

Just To Let You All Know, My Minions

2011-10-23T01:52:00.000-05:00

I found out my time I will be going to surgery on Monday morning. It's at 7am, so don't expect any posts from me for a while. i should be out of the hospital on Thursday. After that who the hell knows what will happen.

I do know I will have physical therapy almost every day. As I progress in my therapy, that will taper off and I will be back in the pool again. Well, unless the doctor sees me and decides to replace the other knee, hopefully before December starts.

SO ... just sayin, I won't be around for a week maybe two. But to keep you happy here are some cartoons I found.

Another Rapture, Another Day

2011-10-21T11:31:00.006-05:00

I guess they're going to try this again.

New Hoochie Mama By Mattel

2011-10-20T11:37:00.000-05:00

Oh shit! They gone and done it now. They really turned Barbie into a Hoochie Mama. Pink hair, tattoos, a little dog in a cactus outfit to make it look mean as hell. Yeah whatever. I can just hear the screamers.
"Mattel, what are you doing to our little girls? You've turned Barbie into a ... a ... prostitute!!!"

I like that ... evil grin. BWAAAHAAhahhahahahahahahahahahaaaaa!!

It's A Drug !!

2011-10-19T14:19:00.000-05:00

I have a deep dark confession and I gotta come clean. It's a bad monkey on my back and I can't shake it off. I've tried walking away but I always come back to it. I just can't do without it. I go through withdraws like nobody ever has.

Yeah I'm hooked and I'm proud of it!. I play it when I get any free time. When I'm not blogging, when I'm cooking, cleaning house, whatever, whenever. I've made it to level 4-2!! BWAAhahahahahaaahahaaaa!!! What is it you may ask. It's... it's.......

I am so fucking hooked on this shit. It's funny as hell too. They have Zombies attacking in ducky inner tubes in the water. some in scuba gear. They have Zombies floating with a balloon tied around their waist. There is the Zamboni and the bobsled team. The old man Zombie that gets pissed and shakes his fist at you when you shoot his newspaper from his hands. It's so crazy that ya just gotta love it.

So what am I going to do in my free time in the hospital? Go through withdraw again I guess. For three L O N G days. *sigh*

Stressed To The Max

2011-10-18T14:45:00.000-05:00

I got up early this morning and started things rolling before my surgery. I went to the Wellness Center at the hospital and had my account frozen for three months. That way I won't need to go through all the crazy shit all over again about being re-evaluated. I can unfreeze it when I'm ready to get back into the pool and on the bike.

Then I went to Hastings Books and bought some books for later. I then schlepped my ass all alone over to Wally World again. I hate taking David cause he critiques my shopping choices. I picked up some new color pencils cause mine are down to the ends. A new sketch pad and I also found three pair of shoes that I couldn't do without. How is that possible you ask? I'm a woman, so fuck you, I need my shoes, so there David!

I bought some hand lotion and a small tube of toothpaste. So I need to put these things in my small bedside bag. I'm going to have David bring it after the surgery is done and they put me in my room. I also have a bigger bag for David to bring the next day that will contain clothes for me to walk around in and go to physical therapy in. Like I said in an earlier post, I hate hospital gowns.

Our insurance will take care of all the things like a walker and shower chair when I get home. So we are good with that. We got the approval letter from the insurance company yesterday saying the surgery is a GO.

So now I wait. But in the meantime, I'm cleaning house, doing laundry and cooking and freezing extra meals for David for the next three weeks. Otherwise he'll hit the fast food joints and I want him to stay away from them as much as possible. WHEW!!! Mmkay so that's what I'm up to this week. Shit I need some drugs!!

The Crazy Witch's Daybook

2011-10-17T02:12:00.001-05:00

My Mood : Bummed out, if you need to know. I'm bored and there are so many things to do before next Monday.

Thank You's : I need to thank all my minions who have come in the past few weeks and posted comments on my blog entries. I am a bad blogger cause I don't come in enough to check on the comments y'all leave. So thank you for reading and leaving comments. Remember, not enough comments and the duck get's it!

What's going on: Mmkay ...now this is really stupid. After David had the can lights put into the ceiling of the kitchen, he decided to put up the sheet rock. Now instead of doing the sheet rock on the ceiling first. I could just smack the shit out of him. Cause he's got the sheet rock up on the ceiling then he scratches his head like Bob from Prometheus and Bob. It's on Youtube.com. Go check it out. It's stupid as hell, but it makes my brother laugh. "Uh, like where are the lights?"

So he starts knocking on the ceiling to find the cans. I just shake my head and tell him if he hurts himself before I go in for surgery next week, I'll kill him. He found them and cut the holes perfectly and put the LEDs back into the lamps. Looks really nice. Next weekend he wants to tape and float the walls and ceiling.

What I'm Reading: I finished the Chicagoland Vampire series and I'm waiting for book five to come out. Chloe Neill can write a pretty good mystery. Book five will be out Nov. 1st, can't wait! Neill also has another series she is starting. The Dark Elite series. I have books one and two on order from Amazon.com. The prices are great.

The one I am reading now is Ghost Town by Rachel Caine. Ever since I found the first book by accident as a short story installment. I've been crazy about these kids. If you like Vampire books, then check the Morganville Vampire series out. It's very good also.

What is planned for today: I have a few things to get at Wally World today. I need to get a pair of regular slippers cause my Monty Python Killer Bunny slippers might scare the shit out of someone in the hospital. Or someone might just walk off with em. I also have to buy a couple of pairs of shorts cause I can't go to Physical therapy in hospital gowns. Fucking gowns look dorky to begin with and I don't want the world to see my fat ass hanging out. I could end up on the internet. Shit!!

What's for din din: I'm making Taco Casserole. Everyone has something else they call it. It's comfort food. I take a pound of ground beef and brown it in a skillet with half an onion diced fine. Add a heaping tablespoon of comino, teaspoon garlic salt, pepper. When the beef is browned really good pour in a packet of either taco seasoning or enchilada seasoning and mix completely add a can of diced tomatoes and let simmer for fifteen minutes.

While the beef mixture is simmering, open up two regular sized cans of enchilada sauce. I go with the mild. David hates hot stuff. get a baking dish with a cover that is the size you want to make this in. I use my 10X10inch baking dish with clear glass top. Open up one of the cans of enchilada sauce and pour a bit of it on the bottom of the baking dish. Just enough to cover the bottom. This is going to be like making lasagna.

On top of the sauce, layer the dish with corn tortillas, then spoon on the beef mixture enough to make a thin layer. Pour sauce over this and add shredded Jack cheese. I also add mozzarella shredded up. Layer corn tortillas, then beef, then sauce, then cheese. If you have a 2 inch tall dish make the layers up to where there is a 1/2 inch of the dish side showing. Cover the top with the last of the cheese how ever the way you like it. This stuff will bubble over the sides and smoke out the kitchen if not careful. The picture above was the closest looking casserole like mine. Go Here to see the recipe for the pictured casserole if you like.

Cover the dish and put it in a hot 350 degree oven with a cookie sheet on the rack below the dish. Bake for 20 minutes then take the cover off the dish and raise the heat to 400 to brown the cheese. Then take it out and slice it into squares or whatever. Mine usually yields 6 slices. So I can put the 4 leftover slices in containers and David can get his TexMex fix later in the week with leftovers.

Friday Funny

2011-10-14T11:24:00.000-05:00

The Ray Of Death Takes More Victims

Knee Surgery Plus Videos

2011-10-13T13:48:00.000-05:00

Last night I held the mother of all full moon rituals. I prayed and prayed that my surgery will go well and I will be able to return to work finally. I usually do my best work on a new moon but I figured what the hell I can try now cause the new moon wouldn't be until the 26th.

Surgery? Yeah, well I went to see a second opinion Orthopedic Doctor on Tuesday and he said the same thing. Even wanted his own set of x-rays done cause he didn't trust other doctors. Don't get me wrong, I found out this doctor is the best in his field. Also the hospital here in town is rated 5 Stars for their Orthopedic Department. San Antonio doesn't even have that. Fucking amazing, cause this is a small town I live in of 25K. Just a dent in SA's population.

Anywho, I have arthritis so fucking bad in both knees that he said they will have to be done. Meaning I am going to have the right knee fully replaced on the 24th of this month. Then we will see if the other one can do well with a Synvisc-One injection. These injections last for about 6 months. So you have to keep getting them until you finally decide to get the knee surgery. He said both are bone on bone so I might decide to get that one done in November.

I kinda know that my knees are needing this surgery. When you feel bone on bone rubbing when you walk and how much pain there is involved in something that we all take for granted, then you really want to get this taken care of.

So surgery is my only way out now. I have some grizzly vids of a total knee replacement surgery below. There are 10 videos all in order from FROSTERBOY88 on Youtube.com. They are very detailed and if you have a weak stomach I would advise you to not watch them. I think they are very good.

A Halloween Meme

2011-10-12T14:02:00.001-05:00

I got this little rascal from Ann over at Southern Fried Doublewide. She got it from my other favorite blog Adventures of a Texan Zombie Goddess. So here goes mine.

1. Which urban legend scared the jeebus out of you when you were a kid.

I was scared of scarecrows coming to life. Anyone who had a scarecrow in their yard at Halloween I steered clear of.

2. Which horror movie has the best premise?

Saws Series

3. What is the most disappointing "treat" to receive in your bag on Halloween night?

Toothbrushes

4. What's the best non-candy item to receive?

Toys like Vamp teeth that glowed in the dark

5. Did a monster live in your closet as a child?

Yeppers. It lived behind my clothes.

6. Which supernatural creature sent chills up your spine as a kid and still does?

Scarecrows and Zombies

7. Which supernatural creature makes you yawn?

Chucky

8. What's your favorite Halloween decoration?

Spider webs with spiders, and pumpkins with sinister faces

9. If you could be anywhere on Halloween night, where would you be?

The Tower of London

10. What's the scariest book you've read so far this year?
I haven't had any scary books this year

11. Haunted houses or hayrides?

Haunted houses of course

12. Which Stephen King novel/movie would you least like to find yourself trapped in?

Cujo - both the book and the movie

13.Which is creepiest: evil dolls, evil pets, or evil children?

Evil dolls

Decorating And Other Strange Shit

2011-10-10T12:17:00.000-05:00

I finally crawled out of my deep dark funk of a depression this weekend. David gave me a bag of my favorite Lindt Chocolates. Boy did I scarf them baby's up fast. So now I feel wonderful and ready to kick ass and take names.

Yesterday I was looking through all the huge plastic containers of great decorations I was going to put up this year. WOW!!! Did I accumulate a butt load of fabulous shit there. Un problema y'all. David moved all the crap from the kitchen cabinets into the living room and dining room. There is no fucking place for my decorations with this shit being all over the place. I'll have to wait until next year I guess.

Anywho, I woke up this morning and there is this strange man in my kitchen drilling holes in my kitchen ceiling. David surprised me with Can lights. The very same ones he showed me yesterday when he schlepped me through the rain to Home Desperate. I showed him the LED lights I wanted in them and he got those too. He was reading the LED box and saw I was right about saving energy on the light bill. It would cost us only $1.75 a year in power. David took a couple of days off cause Tuesday is his B-day. So today I have to go get a card for him and his favorite chocolate covered cherries.

So he was there helping the guy put in Can lights. Yippy, two fucking days of Jerry Springer to hear from the bedroom cause there is no place to sit in the living room. Does this sound like I'm either going to hit that deep dark funk called depression again? Or will I try looking for a place to hide David's body. I need to find a book on Amazon.com on how to get rid of evidence and bodies. BWAAAahahahahahaaaahahaaaa!!!

Just A Quick Note

2011-10-07T09:01:00.000-05:00

My puppies are the ones that keep me sane most of the time. David is an instigator and causes trouble. He's sweet and lovable but a royal pain in the ass. But last night I lost it. I was yelling at the puppies like they were my kids and they hid behind David for safety. I felt like crying but it was so fucking funny.

I took a shower early and went into the bedroom and watched whatever I could find. Lucy, my sweet babygirl snuck into the bedroom and cuddled with me like ... "I'm sorry momma." It was killer sweet. I kind of needed some me time and last night was it. But I still expect some chocolate today or David is a dead mutherfucker for sure.

I Need Chocolate

2011-10-07T02:12:00.000-05:00

When I started out this year, I picked a word to live by for the whole year. Something that I could look on and say to myself am I living up to that word. It was Strength.

STRENGTH

The quality or state of being strong

Mental power, firmness or courage

Power of resisting force, strain

Effective force or power

I am really wondering if I'll make it through this year. Yes my dear minions, I am in a deep dark funk right now. Yeppers, I am totally fucking depressed beyond belief. And I need chocolate!!!! Lots and lots of it!!! Or I'm gonna off myself!!

I was so depressed that I thought of downing all my meds at once. But then I thought I'd just have to go get refills so that was not happening. Besides I hate the whole fucking idea of throwing up. Then I thought of breaking open one of those cheapo razors and slashing my wrists, but I hate pain and I don't have a bath tub to make one of those movie scenes with the bitch in the water with blood on the walls and the water is pink from all the blood. Meh.

There was the thought of driving over a cliff. Ain't no fucking cliffs out here. Just a bunch of hills. Yeah!!! I'm gonna fucking off myself over the hill. Shit! There was the thought of standing in front of a train. They are never on time and you have to wait for days sometimes before one comes through town. By then I'll have had my chocolate and shit will be right with the world again.

Pinky and The Brain

2011-09-29T11:18:00.000-05:00

The Brain

Pinky

Has anyone ever seen " Pinky and The Brain" It's a cartoon about a master mind mouse Brain, and his side kick Pinky. Brain wants to take over the world. Pinky is absent minded, more like "brainless". He always messes up Brains' plans to take over the world. Something like what I have with two little puppies in my home.

Lucy aka Pinky

Pebbles aka The Brain

Pebbles is "The Brain" and Lucy is "Pinky". Pebbles is always sending Lucy into the media room to ask either David or me for something that Pebbles wants. The reasoning behind Pebbles sending Lucy is that Lucy is cute but Lucy has a problem. She has a fucking BB for a brain and always screws up Pebbles' plans.

We know that this is going on because I've seen Pebbles peeking around the kitchen doorway looking to see if Lucy is doing the job that Pebbles sent her to do. It's really funny to watch cause when Lucy gets sidetracked by noticing a squirrel out the window I always hear Pebbles sigh really loud. Then there is a shit load of growling coming from the kitchen like she's bitching about never sending Lucy to ask for treats again. Hmmmmm. Foiled again huh, Brain.

WOW!!

2011-09-27T10:34:00.000-05:00

My Goddess!! Thank you all for the wonderful birthday wishes. I love them all soooo very much, thank you. But as you probably guessed, I'm not 29. Although I wish I was. But I am 16 in my mind. Shit! I'm so old I fart dust from my last lifetime.

But I had a wonderful day. I did make dinner cause David took me out Sunday to my favorite place for my birthday dinner.. David and I had cheesecake instead of b-day cake last night. I gained about 5000 pounds from it too. I can feel it even though my clothes are lose on my fat ass. Seems as though the aquatics classes are working.

I got a cute card from my step-daughter. It was a guy and a dachshund on the guys lap on the front of the card. Inside it said,"Thought you'd like to see a cute guy and his wiener." It also had a gift card in it. So what did I do with it? I blew some of it in Amazon.com on books. I can't help it, I love books. I'm a bookaholic and proud of it dambit! I love the sight and smell of them. I also love my Reader but I love a real book more.

I didn't feel like going to the pool to work out either yesterday. I go tomorrow and start working out on the bike and other goodies they have there. I will be starting the cardio aquatics next week if I feel like I can handle it. Well I'm gonna at least try. Then Zumba aquatics. I need to get back to work and I need to lose the weight to have my knee done before I go back. So this should help it.

29 And Loving It

2011-09-26T10:41:00.000-05:00

Yes I've made another trip around the sun. I'm still 29 and fucking FABULOUS so there!

Blessed Mabon

2011-09-23T12:27:00.000-05:00

This, That And The Other

2011-09-22T11:28:00.001-05:00

Well I went to my first aquatics exercise class on Monday and again today. I feel energized except for the back pain which is pretty mild. I do feel pretty damned good. I have one more class on Friday this week and then next week I'll be working on the bike and a few other machines and weights along with the aquatics.

Mmkay, does anyone know what a "Safe Zone" is? No? Well it's a safe place where kids and/or animals think is the safest place in your house. My safe zone is in the bedroom on the bed. That is where all the puppies run to when mommy is reading with her back on the heating pad. Usually it will be just Lucy, Pebbles and me. The girls will stake out their respective prime real estate as near to mommy as they can get without knocking me off the bed or going under me to the other side of me. Lucy is a bed hog so I have to push her away a few times or I fall on the floor. Go figure, she's a Boston and I'm a human but she's a strong little shit.

Now, if David is watching sports in the media room, then Spunky comes to join us. He is fucking terrified of any sport on TV. Only thing I can figure why he is upset by sports is that David yells at the TV and the Spunkster thinks he's in trouble. So During a game I have an entourage that follows me around the house all day on the weekend. I just wish they would fucking answer the phone and take a letter or something useful instead of just following my ass around like I have dog food in it.

Wall oven alcove with wall plug

David was busy this past weekend, until the game came on. He took out the old oven ... finally!! It's nice when both of us are on the same wave length. He started making shelves and fixed the torn up wooden mess from the previous dog he had before we were married. Something we didn't expect but I had a hunch was when he took out the old wall oven there was an electrical wall plug there inside the empty area. Yea!!! We don't have to call an electrician to put one in. David thought the oven was plugged into the wall unit under the countertop stove. So now all we have to do is prime and paint the inside and shelves and we can put the microwave oven in there with all my bake ware on the other shelves. That will save me more room on the counter for work space.

florescent lighting with fugly cabinets

piece where the paneling covered to the ceiling above the fugly cabinets which is above the once fugly wall oven.

He also tore out the top area around the lights and put up sheet rock. I had to wait almost two fucking weeks for that but he finally got that started too. He wants this guy he knows who did a friends kitchen lighting to come in and see if we can get him to put in light cans with LED's. We both hate the lighting that is in now.

It looks like every single foot he put a screw in the sheet rock

He stopped putting in sheet rock here near the fridge and doorway into the laundry room

I was checking out his work on the sheet rock installation and noticed he went a bit overboard with the screws. It's almost like he had this fucking psycho thing going on. Probably to hide the ugly boards behind it. I think I should invest in sheet rock screws. I could make some crazy shopping money.

UT (University of Texas GO LONGHORNS at Austin) for you non-college football fans has a by week this Saturday. Meaning they have a weekend off. So that means David can work on my kitchen and The Spunkinator will not have to hide behind mommy's legs all afternoon.

Saltgrass patio near the water shoot, Plate glass floor to ceiling windows on high far left of picture make it hard to see in.
Photo courtesy of Cclip

Sunday we are going to San Marcos for dinner. My choice. Yeppers, I made another trip around the sun. It's Saltgrass for us. I love that steakhouse. Right on the river with a little watershoot coming off the lake to feed it. It's a very pretty enough place to have dinner.

Oh one last thing before I go and get things ready for Mabon. I was the third winner in Judith's giveaway and I chose one of her decoupaged plates. It's going to look gorgeous on my alter. You do great work girlfriend. You should open up an Etsy shop.

Weekend Jester

2011-09-17T10:52:00.000-05:00

Kim Kardashian had her fat butt x-rayed to prove it was real with no implants.

Well they took a look at the x-rays and found two more Kardashian sisters.

Funny Friday

2011-09-16T10:41:00.000-05:00

Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were sittin on the front porch drinking beer when a large truck hauling rolls and rolls of sod went by.

"I'm a gonna do dat when I win me the lottery," says Boudreaux.

"Do what," asked Thibodeaux?

"Send my grass out to get mowed."

The Crazy Witch's Daybook

2011-09-13T13:42:00.000-05:00

My mood: Right now... I'm bored out of my gourd. I can't wait to start my exercise and aquatics program at the Health and Wellness Center at the hospital here in town tomorrow morning. I'm hoping this will get me back into shape so I won't have to endure anymore back aches. As for my knees ... ehhh.

In regards to my fat fluffy ass: HOOO YEAH!!! I get to drive my own car around without David for once. Don't get me wrong I love being with David, but it gets tiring having to be chauffeured around like an invalid. I hated it. Besides He drives 5 mph under the speed limit and the one that drives controls everything, from power window locks to radio. It was like I was a in a cage. But my car is mine again, YES!! I need to go update my Low Level Flying License.

So far that shot of Cortisone in my hip has worked. No more pain in my right leg. It feels great. But yesterday I was watering the the plants in the courtyard and I slipped and fell on my ass... well more like bounced, but hey, it only hurt for a little while. Got a bruise the size of Texas. I was thinking of getting a marker from my art table and mapping out Texas with all the burning areas.

My Goddess!!! Y'all know what Spontaneous Combustion is? Well look it up and you'll see a picture of Texas. I knew I lived in Christian Hell but this is fucking ridiculous!

Most of this crap is from asshole kids with nothing to do and dumb ass drivers that smoke and throw their cigarette butts out the windows instead of using the ashtray. I'd like to wup their asses!!

What I'm reading: I was looking for some new Vampfang and other books by Chloe Neill on Amazon.com to read. She's a damned good read. I like her style. Right now I'm on the Chicagoland Vampires Series. I also love Rachel Caine with the Morganville Vampire Series If you haven't found these two ladies, I suggest you do. It's some kick ass fun to read.

What's for din din: Well Hell!!! It's been so long since I cooked. Being with the bad back and all. But now that I'm back to ALMOST ~~because I'm Certifiable Crazy~~ normal, I'm able to do the things I love, which is cooking and baking. But baking will start around October. It's too fucking hot to bake now.

Anywho I got off track again. I'm keeping it simple with BBQ chicken tenders and Ranch mashed potatoes. and a salad. For the Ranch mashed potatoes, I add a little bit of Ranch Dressing instead of milk and butter. When you add the Ranch start out with just a little bit then stir and add according to the consistency of how you like your mashed potatoes. Then I add a bit of salt and pepper to taste. Yummmmmm

Update - Or How The Fuck Did I Develop This Pain, Episode Five

2011-09-10T06:58:00.000-05:00

Well on Thursday I went to get my MRI ~~which was like me, custard, being stuffed into an eclair.~~ Now I know how Techno music got it's start. Try listening to the pings and noisy shit from an MRI machine. It's like listening to Techno at a club. Mmmmkay twenty more minutes of this fucking crap and I'd be humming "What is Love", the long version.

I saw Dr, G. on Friday. Which was a total clusterfuck. Yeah, it's so wonderful waiting 2 fucking hours for Dr. G. Hmmmm, maybe I should charge him for my time that I was stuck there waiting in a very uncomfortable chair with my own pillow from home as back support. To make matters worse, ~~I am chucking that pillow for the bedroom only~~ I had fuzzy white pillow shit all over my fat ass, and I'm wearing black pants. When I got up to stretch my legs I asked David if ~~this fuzzy white shit from the pillow make my ass look huge~~ I have anything on my ass, like fuzzy white crap from the pillow? He told me no.

Ladies!!! NEVER EVER trust a blind husband. Hell, he lopped off his finger last year on a table saw. I should have known better to ask him anything regarding using his eyesight on my ass. Ooooh, but let some little hottie come into the room....

Anyways, I was praying my ass off to the Goddess that this wouldn't mean another O.R. episode. Well my prayers were answered finally after Dr. G finished looking at almost 20 MRI slides, I kid you not! He said that my discs in the lumbar area will eventually degenerate to nothing within a few more years, like five or ten. That's something I can change by losing more weight to slow it down.

I'm already ahead of the game cause I joined the hospital's (here in town) Health and Wellness program. So I will be starting on Monday with Arthritic Aquatics and then Conditioning. I want to try Zumba Aquatics too. Got to check that out. There is also a Spinning class, Zumba, and a Body Sculpting class that I want to take. So I'm in the right direction. Thank the Goddess it's only $40 a month. Personal trainers are $10 an hour. I will be needing one to start off with.

But I've wandered again ... the reason I was in so much fucking pain in my right leg was that I was favoring the right leg after the surgery for the left leg pain in my spine. It was mother fucking Bursitis in the right hip from all that. Well he asked me if it would be okay if he injected my hip with a painkiller/cortisone cocktail and I said ~~FUCK~~ YES, PLEASE DO!

Well he left the room and came back with the ~~crooked, rusty needle with a hook and barbs on the end with "For Veterinary Use Only"written on the~~ syringe full of the stuff. He found the pain point by poking and prodding my hip, then he marked the spot by digging his finger into my hip to make a red spot. He could have used one of those fucking pens in his pocket but NOOOOOOOO! Motherfucker said there will be a little sting - MY ASS!!! Then he stuck me in the hip with that nasty needle. I think I called him every dirty word that a Longshoreman never heard of and wanted to know about. Everytime I banged on the wall with my hand to redirect the pain, David said Dr. G took one step back from me. Sticking a needle into a very sensitive place like an inflamed bursa is like taking a hammer and hitting a toe that's got an infected hang nail. Try it! I dare ya. Really, try it.

After he pulled out his pound of flesh from the hooked/barbed needle, he said to relax for a while then to sit up. Okie Dokie Smokie. It took approximately three minutes to start working. I got up and off the table and walked around for a bit. Hmmmm, nice, hardly any pain except for the crater the doc left from the flesh extraction. I was walking to get the cortisone to move around in the Bursa and it was really feeling great. WOW, it was so nice to have no pain there. When the doctor finally came back I asked if he had more of that shit for the rest of my body. Sadly no. But it was a shot ~~pun intended~~ to get more of that good stuff.

He said that if the pain gets worse or doesn't go away in two weeks to give the nurse a call and they would set up another appointment with a Pain Specialist to do the Florascope and injection procedure in the Surgical Center. OOOOOOOOH NOOOOooooooooooo!!!

Quick Note

2011-09-07T11:00:00.000-05:00

Mmmkay, this is just a quick note cause my ass is high on pain meds and I think I can sit here for just about 10 minutes more than usual. First off I would like to thank all my minions for their get well emails and comments. I fucking love you guys. Wow, I'm tearing up. Really you all are the bestest friends in the world. Thank You soooooooooooo much for making my days.

I have an appointment for labs and an MRI with contrast tomorrow at noon. That will be an absolute fucking party for sure. Since I will be hopped up on pain meds just to make the 13 mile trip. Goddess forgive me now if I should kill some poor stupid fucker who lays their hands on my back tomorrow. Being stuck in an MRI tunnel for 20 or 30 minutes is not exactly fun if your back is screaming at you but hey, I gotta do it.

Friday we will go back another 15 ~~fucking fun hopped up on pain meds again~~ miles to see my Spine Doctor and hear the great news, whatever that may be. I'm not looking forward to that. We generally sit in the waiting room 1 to 2 hours OVER the appointment time. I'm taking pillows. Fuck it if everyone looks at me like I'm the Princess and the Pea. Then there is the wonderful poking and prodding.

Well I need to get back to bed. I wish I could take Little Hal with me but his battery only lasts 4 hours and there is no extension cord in the house, imagine that. What a bitch! Anywho, I will keep you all informed of what happens on Saturday.

Quick Note

2011-08-29T12:09:00.000-05:00

Sorry my minions, but I will be out of commission for a few days or so. My back is literally giving me a very hard time so I'm going to be taking it easy for a while. If you get bored, you can always read my old shit.

Please don't lose hope. I will drag my silly ass back to my computer when I can sit without pain.

I love you all so much.

Brightest Blessings
Leeanna

Blog Ho

2011-08-25T06:08:00.000-05:00

Yes I'm a blog ho. I registered myself at the http://bloggerschoiceawards.com/ for three catagories.

Best Blog About Stuff
Best Humor Blog
Freakiest Blog

Please go and sign up and then find my blog and vote for me. I appreciate it my minions.

Great Back To School Sale Going On For The Parents

2011-08-23T22:18:00.000-05:00

Some Logical Advice

2011-08-20T13:04:00.000-05:00

I just couldn't help but post this cartoon I saw. Rick Prick Perry, our lunatic Governor of Texas, has said he is running for President. I am only going to tell y'all once and only once. Do Not Vote For This Asshole! He's a fucking nut case. He makes me look sane. So please take my advice. Stay far, far away from him.

The New And Improved Tabby Tote

2011-08-17T10:21:00.000-05:00

The Crazy Witch's Daybook

2011-08-16T10:53:00.000-05:00

Yesterday the city was asking everyone to please water their trees really good because of the bad drought we are having. So this morning I have been busy watering the two pecan trees and the empress tree. that means fighting with the fucking hoses and sprinklers and all that crap. I expect to be sweating my ass off as usual because of the humidity again. So my mood today is of coarse soggy. I really should go find my swimsuit and one of my sarongs and wear that all day. I would be comfortable.

Interesting shit happening: yesterday we had a water main break in front of my house. Lucy and I were sitting outside, enjoying the afternoon when Lucy got up and started barking. Now understand this, she doesn't bark for anything unless it's a stranger, cat or ghost. But this little girl was barking her head off at something in the street. I looked and it was nothing. She ran to the edge of the yard and really started growling and barking bad. She's a good dog cause she never left the yard.

gaping hole to China

mud in neighbors driveway and in front of my house

Then I saw it, water was bubbling up from the street, hardly noticeable until it started running down the street and into a neighbors driveway. So I called the city and told them they need to send someone pronto cause water was seeping from the street. I would have had pictures of the slackers doing nothing but my camera was in need of recharging. I did get these this morning at 09:30 am. Wonder what time they get to work? It's now 10:30. Oh wait!! A back ho ~~pun intended~~ just arrived. I do have to say they did fix the pipe last night before leaving the scene of the crime. At least we had that. But they left the hole as you see it in the pictures. No blinkers for night drivers. I was waiting to see if a drunk would drive right into it, but nothing happened, shit!

Right now a dozer is messing up the street big time. He is trying to get all the mud and stuff off the street but he's making a bigger mess. Ooops, they are changing drivers. Oh well.

What my fat fluffy ass is reading: Lots of shit happened yesterday, shit. Way to much for a place like this.
Anywho, I got The Help by Kathryn Stockett from Amazon.com in the mail. I started reading it as soon as I opened the package. It's a pretty good book. I understand that this is her first that she has written. She almost gets you into the story but she leaves a lot out so you are not entirely drawn into it. That's too bad cause the characters and the story are good.

The weather outside: It's HOT!!! FUCKING HOT!!! ALL FUCKING DAY LONG IT'S HOT!!! THERE IS NO RELIEF!! NOT EVEN IN THE SHADE!! ICED TEA DRIES UP IN THE FUCKING GLASS BEFORE YOU CAN DRINK IT. THE ICE CUBES ARE EVEN HOT!!
That's the weather report for the rest of the year. Thank you.

Me?? Why, Never!! Well, Maybe.

2011-08-15T11:50:00.000-05:00

I would never intentionally kill an animal. Never!!! But if it comes to a human animal, well, maybe, just one. My neighbor who is the hoarder and crazy cat lady has turned me in for shooting squirrels with my pellet gun.

Okay, so I'm guilty. Animal Control came out and I pleaded my case to the officer and she let me off cause I told her that the little runts were eating my veggies and pecans that were not ready for picking. Besides I wasn't killing them, I was aiming for the area around them to scare them away.

The cop let me off. But I was to use a soft shot BB pistol if I wanted to really spook 'em. So David and I went to Wally -World to go get a soft shooter and yes, I did take my camera just in case I saw something weird. But living in this town where everyone is sane ~~except for my bat assed crazy neighbor from across the street~~ it get's pretty hard to find crazy people. You have to go to the big city to find 'em. Namely Austin or San Antonio or even Hot Stanky Houston.

Well David found a nice little soft shooter for $11 and knowing him he bought the bright day glow red plastic BB's instead of the camo ammo that I wanted. Case in point, if they are camo ammo nobody knows you've been shooting. Otherwise if your batshit neighbor comes bringing her nasty smelly ass over to your place and yells that you have been shooting at her cats cause she has these little plastic BB's in her hands then your sorry ass is busted.

So I'll have to catch the little bastards in my gardens in order to shoot their worthless non squirrel catching asses. Sorry if you are a cat lover, I love em too. But if they are left to wander the streets during the day and don't pull their weight by catching the squirrels, then so sorry charlie but I'm poppin it's fuzzy butt if it's using my yard for a toilet.

Book Review

2011-08-12T10:20:00.000-05:00

Before I start this review, I would like to thank Sarah at Ben Bella Books for giving me the chance to review a really great book . She has the patience of a saint. Thanks sooooo much Sarah.

Nyx In The House Of Night: Mythology, Folklore and Religion in the P.C. and Kristin Cast Vampyre Series is a collection of wonderful essays.

I always start by reading the introduction in the book. I have to painfully say that I haven't had the chance to read any of the books in the collection in the Nyx in The House of Night series yet. The introduction sold me into putting every one of the books on my Need To Read list.

P.C. Cast tells of how she researches her material for the books and characters. She says she has "revised mythology, created worlds based on history..." I'll say she has, and much more. She becomes editor of this collection of essays from various writers that bring their insights and unique thoughts into their writings.

There is an essay on Native Americans and the Cherokee Nation called The Magic of Being Cherokee by Jordan Dane. Very well written of the myths and legends of the Cherokee People and of the main character Zoey Redbird and her roots in the House of Night series.

I won't tell about all the stories in here because it would give away everything. But I will tell you that if you are an avid reader of Zoey's world and you want to know more, than check out this book. It is crammed with material you might want to know.

One example are the "Behind the House of Night Names" in the back of the book. It gives the characters name, then the Greek meaning, who they are in The House Of Night series, etc, etc. I think that this is the best feature if you need to know about someone in the books. The artwork by Allan Torrance is marvelous. Almost intuitive with the essays.

Reading Level : Young Adult

Pages : 200

Paperback

The Crazy Witch's Daybook

2011-08-10T10:22:00.000-05:00

My Mood:

Yeah, I'm soggy. I went out to water the yard and the hose blew up on me, literally. I had to go to the other side of the house to get the other hose cause David took the keys to the "Chamber of Secrets" with him to work and I couldn't get the new hose.

I need to get a second set of keys to that shed. Either that or get my own shed with everything pink so he'll be ashamed to touch anything in it. Anywho, I was sopping wet but I finished the job. After this post I'm getting some sweet iced tea and plopping my fat fluffy ass in the chair out front and enjoying the morning.

It's so freaking hot: It's so hot lately that we've been losing our cable service which also means our computer server too. It really sucks. But in a way it's a good thing cause I can read or sit outside and drink in the greeness of the plants. It's so pretty but it's so fucking hot.

I found this cute video via my husband, David. That kinda shows you what they do at work in the office. But check this out. Who says dogs are stupid. This one knows it's too hot outside so he's bringing it in. I love it.
http://www.wimp.com/swimoutside/

Shit I did recently: This past weekend I just relaxed cause David was on his fishing trip and he got home Sunday afternoon. Instead of going out for dinner I decided to make meatloaf. He loves that shit. I also made spaghetti. Strange, I know, but if I make it then put it away in the fridge and then have it for dinner two days later it's like WOW!!! It tastes fantastic. So that's how we have spaghetti in our house. I think it gives all the herbs a chance to enhance it.

Shit I need to get done: I need to put the finishing touches to a book review for Friday's post. I love this book, it's so cool. But you'll have to decide.

Adventures : Lately just to get out of the house I have been taking the puppies for car rides around the block. It just blows their little puppy minds that they get to go someplace. Yesterday I went to the bank to deposit some cash and I took them for the ride. They were in car ride heaven.

Lucy had her head head hanging out the window barking at everyone, Pebbles was riding shotgun with her head out the window, barely. She's such a little thing that I have to pick her up to get her into the car. Spunky had the other back window, slobbering all over the place. They got their bones from the bank teller and we went home. David had just gotten home for lunch and they were all over him. Probably trying to tell him about their adventure. Puppies are so easy to please.

Tacky Joke Tuesday

2011-08-09T08:15:00.000-05:00

Chapped Lips

On a hot, dusty day a cowboy rode into a small frontier town. After dismounting, he walked behind his horse, lifted it's tail and kissed it where the sun don't shine. An old man rocking by the general store witnessed the whole thing.

"Whudd'ya do that fer?" he asked.

"Got chapped lips," the cowboy replied.

The old man asked, "Does that help?"

The cowboy said, "Nope, but it keeps me from lickin' 'em

Judith Is Giving Away Bling!!

2011-08-06T01:19:00.004-05:00

YES!! It's true! Judith over at Merlin's Magickal Mistress is giving away BLING! Yepper's it's cause she reached over 100, 111 admirers to be exact. So she is giving away four bling items but there will be only three winners. That means you can choose what you want. See below.

So I would advise you to go on over to her blog and check them out and enter today.
Hurry, act now! Quantities are limited! Operators are standing by. BWWAAAAHAHAhhahahahaaahahaaaaa! I just had to add that.

Now I Know Why I'm Crazy

2011-08-05T14:24:00.000-05:00

I was watching the early news report while I was fighting off a mother fucker of a migraine. They were talking about dieting and that when you diet the brain eats itself. Like EEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW!!!

It's bad enough that we have zombies to look out for, but our brains are into cannibalism?!!! Shit, shoot me in the fucking head now! I think this might explain why I'm so fucking crazy as a loon. All that dieting my whole stinking life is now showing itself. I wonder how much grey matter I have left. Did I give myself a lobotomy? Is this why I'm blogging? Do chickens have lips?

Home Made shit

2011-08-03T12:05:00.000-05:00

Since I moved to the middle of Texas out in the center of farm country here. I have taken up making my own shit. I don't bake much but when I start it's like I can't stop and the neighbors reap the benefits.

Since I now have some kick ass meds to keep my back pain in check, I have been doing a whole shit load of fartin around in the kitchen. I made my first peach cobbler from someone's recipe that David brought home. It was a sad thing to behold let me tell you. So when I improved the recipe and sent it back to the woman who gave it to David, I instantly became her enemy. Go figure, it was an old family recipe that tasted like crap and I made it better. David loved it after I changed it but he isn't gonna tell her cause he works with her.

She gave David a recipe for home made vanilla ice cream. It called for a cup of flour, 6 eggs, 3 cups of sugar, etc... David made it according to instructions and I was there to help him if he needed it. He followed everything to the letter. We waited 12 hours so it would harden nicely like it said. It tasted like vanilla ice cream with flour in it. It was pure crap.

David told her it was great. Best ice cream he ever made. When he got home he said let's drop the amount of flour and sugar down a bit. That was the nastiest ice cream he ever had he said. So I took it upon myself to rig up a great tasting ice cream from scratch all my own. I gave him a list of stuff to get me and plenty of rock salt and a couple of bags of ice.

It took me only two trys but I got it. I made 1 gallon of this stuff. David swears it tastes like store bought Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla ice cream. If you want to try it then check it out below.

Old Fashioned Homemade Vanilla Ice Cream

16 oz. carton of Heavy Whipping Cream
1 can Eagle Brand Sweetened Condensed Milk
1/4 cup vanilla
16 oz. Karo light syrup
1/2 gallon of milk

Place the heavy whipping cream in the freezer for 20 minutes to let it become freezing cold but not frozen. While that is freezing up a bit, set up your ice cream maker. I have an old one from the 70's so things will be quite different. You might need to play around with the recipe if your ice cream maker is small.
Pour the Eagle Brand milk into a medium large bowl. Whisk in the vanilla and Karo syrup and then the very cold heavy cream. Add a bit of the regular milk and whisk for one minute. Pour into the ice cream container and then add the rest of the milk all the way up to the 1 gallon mark. Add the paddle and set the ice cream maker according to the manufacturers instructions.
While the ice cream is churning you can clean up the mess and set up a covered container big enough for the ice cream to sit in the freezer. Pour the ice cream into the container and freeze. It should be ready in 8 to 12 hours.

Visiting Gruene For Dinner Or Was It The Surface Of The Sun

2011-08-01T15:07:00.000-05:00

Gruene is pronounced Green. It WAS a cute little town in the New Braunfels area about 10 yeas ago until all these fucking developers decided to build those fugly slap together in one day homes all over the damned place. I mean to tell you, it's fucking ugly and looks like a real tourist trap now.

But David wanted to go there for dinner, week before last on a Sunday to show my brother, sister in law and my niece some history of Texas. Fucking idiotic is what his idea was. Now don't get me wrong here. I'm all for showing my family what a beautiful place I live in but shit!!! Not in the middle of fucking hot summer where it's 2000 degrees Kelvin in the shade. Give me a freaking break here!

David wanted to show my family a great time with the history of Gruene and all the cool stuff about it. The Gristmill is where we ate. It used to be a cotton mill. You can go into the building while you are waiting to be called for dinner and see all the cool pictures of the old days when Gruene was first established.

Outside right next to the Gristmill is Gruene Hall. It's the oldest still standing and working dance hall in Texas. Many country stars have played there and still do. Check out the site links I have at the end of this blog post and check out the cool stuff. The Gruene Hall was also the place where the dance scene in Michael was filmed. You know where he was dancing with all the women in the place.

Anywho, we ended up having a somewhat good time eating hot food on a hot day and sweating like we were working out at a gym.

It could have been better if we had done what I wanted which was take them to San Marcos for dinner at Saltgrass. It's indoors and air conditioned and the windows are floor to ceiling so you can look out on the river below and watch the toobers [people in inner tubes float by]. They have the best food I have ever tasted dining out and the cheese cake is to die for. In fact there is an actual web site dedicated to finding out the recipe for it, which is top secret. So if anyone knows what I am talking about when I said Saltgrass cheesecake PLEASE, if you have the recipe or know of a friend of your friend of a niece of her sister-in-law of their grandma who has the recipe, please share it with me. It is the most sought after recipe in Texas. I hear some people will pay millions for it.

Here are the Sites for Gruene, Texas.
http://www.texasoutside.com/exploringtexas/exploringgruene.html
http://www.gristmillrestaurant.com/

Maxin And Relaxin

2011-07-30T09:57:00.000-05:00

I have done nothing all day yesterday and today, well except for the dancing around the house, yeah done nothing. Yeah I'm bored and I miss him, so what.

I did clean house a bit and do laundry cause David is taking me to dinner on Sunday. I hope he takes me to Saltgrass. That's my favorite place.

Redneck wine glasses

elite Redneck champagne glasses 4oz.

This morning I was bored so I decided to cruise the web and look for crazy shit. I found this. They are Redneck wine glasses. I loved them so much that I ordered a set of six. I also found the champagne glasses too. David better hurry and come back home before I buy up the whole web. You can find them on Amazon.com. Goddess, I love shopping there.

David's Gone On His Fishing Trip Tra La La La La La - YES!!!

2011-07-29T10:25:00.000-05:00

BWAAAHAAHAAHAHAHAAA!! I AM THE QUEEN OF MY DOMAIN!!

At least for two days, until David returns. Yes he finally left this morning at 5:15 am. The man was ready to go at 4am when he got up. He's so fucking anal. The whole time while he was waiting for Richie, Potsie, and The Fonz to get here he was organizing and reorganizing and asking me if or what if he missed a phone call. Rechecking all his voice mails. The man never gets rid of any of his voice mails and personally I don't think he knows how.

Anywho he was in the middle of listening to a VM from his daughter from 2 years ago when the guys pulled up and he was all a giddy and shit. Thank you Goddess!! I didn't think I could take anymore damned whining from the puppies. They wanted to go back to sleep and were tired from all David's commotion.

On another note the boys should have a wonderful time fighting mosquitoes, alligators and sharks as they fish for Reds off of Port Aransas. Tropical Storm Don is still on a drunken teeter towards Mexico or Brownsville Texas. It's a toss up and who the fuck cares cause we won't be getting any rain anyways.

I'm Back, My Minions

2011-07-28T14:07:00.000-05:00

Yeppers, a one and a half week hiatus does wonders for the fucked up crazy minded like me. I had a great time just lounging around and then my Bro and his wife K and my niece J came out to see us and we went out to eat and kill some time and I wanted to kill David the whole time but that's slated for tomorrow's blog entry. Sure to be a pleaser for all you husband haters out there.

The reason why I'm on my blog today instead of on Monday next week is because David got word from one of his best buds /old grade school ~~let's get into more fucking trouble than we can legally get out of~~ mates on the phone on Tuesday. Rick, his bestest friend in the whole world, whom they shared divorces together and said neither one would ever get married again, and to which they both met the right women, one being me, and they both got married again, asked David if he could go fishing this Thursday thru Saturday. David said it was up to the wife (me) and that he would have to come and ask, sorry, BEG my permission.

So Richie Rich came over to the house and got down on his knees, I should have taken a picture of this scene or even video would have been better so I could show it to his wife Beth. Anywho, he begs me in a whiny little boy's voice - yes, really he did - if David could come fishing with him and the guys. To which I replied Hell no, not without a fucking note. But he knew I was playing as usual, called me a bitch and hugged me. I'm easy, what can I say. Besides, I get some me time for two days.

So now David is packing and unpacking and packing again. I'm repacking his bag, ~~taking out the pink ball gown and tiara and the negligee and black bras~~ putting all the right stuff for the fishing trip, and all the while David is playing with his reel and winding new fishing line on it over and over again each time and I'm thinking to myself that the first time he casts that sucker it'll get into a tangled mess. Yes, I'm a morbid bitch and I fucking like it.

David is all a giddy cause it's his first fishing trip of the year in like two years. Only TS Don is coming along for the fun too. Yeppers, The boys are watching to see if Don doesn't just go South to Mexico and let them have their fun. And all the while I'm praying to the Goddess for a whopper of a rain storm that the Texas farmers need so very badly. Last check was Don in a drunken wobble to Mexico. Crap on toast! I never get a break.

Come Visit At Your Own Peril

2011-07-23T12:20:00.000-05:00

Yeah it's fuckin hotter' en hell here but what can I say. We are closer in proximity to Hell than any other state. Our State bird is the Fufu Bird. It flies backwards to put it's tail feathers out.

Kitchen Dungeon Update

2011-07-18T11:57:00.001-05:00

Okay the following is part of the renovation that is going on right now. David tore off the Dark ( I felt as if I was being sent to the hole to cook every day) Dungeon paneling and I took these pictures to show how fucking old and dark our house is.

Wooden wall after the dark paneling was taken off. Some of the wallpaper that was under the paneling and the french door to the dining room on the left.

You can see that this house was made in the 1930's or 40's. They didn't have drywall back then so they had to put up wooden planks. These suckers are about 1/2 inch thick. I was just thinking with wood prices today and how much it would have cost to make this house just like this with the wood walls. It would probably be $400K

More of that lovely sea green wallpaper {gag}. Note part of the back door here too.

Lucy is David's foreman. She is wondering when he will take up the nasty flooring too.

All the paneling David took off The wall. I told him if He accidentally kills my Patchouli , the plant on the porch on the left, then he will go missing another finger.The two trash can looking things are my water savers for rain water for my house plants. David rigged a small white hose to go from the rain gutter into a hole in the center of the top of the can. He cut a plastic screens for the top of the cans so the debris from the gutters wouldn't fall into the rain water. Cool deal!

This is an idea of the nasty paneling (pictured on the top) that made my kitchen so fucking dark. Note the fugly cabinet fronts, hinges and pull knobs.

More of the paneling and the teensy tiny window I have above the sink. I told David a few years ago that if he put bars up on the kitchen window then it would really bring out the dungeony feel of this kitchen. I do have to say the creepy florescent lighting along the cabinet tops helps bring a homely touch to the dungeon.

We are going to be taking all this crappy shit off the front of the cabinets and paint them. Also new knobs and such. This shit has made me crazy from day one when I moved in. Aaah yes my new stove. I love it! Yes I'm easy.

You can see how tiny the kitchen is by putting some of the pictures together. Note the puke yellow sink. David is letting me get a farmhouse style stainless steel sink. THANK YOU GODDESS!! I'm easy, so fucking what!

Friday Funnies

2011-07-15T11:53:00.000-05:00

DO YOU KNOW THE FRONT FROM THE BACK OF A TREE?

BUBBA, A REDNECK FROM CAROLINA DECIDES TO TRAVEL TO VIRGINIA TO SEE GOD'S COUNTRY. WHEN HE GETS TO FRANKLIN , HE LIKES THE PLACE SO MUCH THAT HE DECIDES TO STAY. BUT FIRST HE MUST FIND A JOB.

HE WALKS INTO THE INTERNATIONAL PAPER COMPANY OFFICE AND FILLS OUT AN APPLICATION AS AN EXPERIENCED LOG INSPECTOR. IT'S HIS LUCKY DAY. THEY JUST HAPPEN TO BE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE, BUT FIRST, THE LOG FOREMAN TAKES HIM FOR A RIDE INTO THE FOREST IN THE COMPANY PICKUP TRUCK TO SEE HOW MUCH HE KNOWS.

THE FOREMAN STOPS THE TRUCK ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD AND POINTS AT A TREE "SEE THAT TREE OVER THERE? I WANT YOU TO TELL ME WHAT SPECIES IT IS AND HOW MANY BOARD FEET OF LUMBER IT CONTAINS."

THE REDNECK PROMPTLY ANSWERS, "THAT THAR'S A WHITEPINE, 383 BOARD FEET OF LUMBER IN 'ER."

THE FOREMAN IS IMPRESSED. HE PUTS THE TRUCK IN MOTION AND STOPS ABOUT A MILE DOWN THE ROAD. HE POINTS AT ANOTHER TREE THROUGH THE PASSENGER WINDOW AND ASKS THE SAME QUESTION. THIS TIME, IT'S A BIGGER TREE OF A DIFFERENT CLASS.

"THAT'S A LOBLOLLY PINE AND SHE'S GOT ABOUT 456 CLEAR BOARD FEET."

THE FOREMAN IS REALLY IMPRESSED WITH THE GOOD OL' BOY, HE HAS BEEN QUICK AND GOT THE ANSWERS RIGHT WITHOUT USING A CALCULATOR.

ONE MORE TEST. THEY DRIVE A LITTLE FURTHER DOWN THE ROAD, AND THE FOREMAN STOPS AGAIN. THIS TIME, HE POINTS ACROSS THE ROAD THROUGH HIS DRIVER SIDE WINDOW AND SAYS, "AND WHAT ABOUT THAT ONE?"

BEFORE THE FOREMAN FINISHES POINTING, THE REDNECK SAYS, "WHITE OAK,
242 BOARD FEET AT BEST."

THE FOREMAN SPINS THE TRUCK AROUND AND HEADS BACK TO THE OFFICE A LITTLE TICKED OFF BECAUSE HE THINKS THE RED NECK IS SMARTER THAN HE IS. AS THEY NEAR THE OFFICE, A MANAGING SUPERVISOR STOPS THE TRUCK AND ASKS BUBBA TO STEP OUTSIDE.

HE HANDS HIM A PIECE OF CHALK AND TELLS HIM, "SEE THAT TREE OVER THERE? I WANT YOU TO MARK AN X ON THE FRONT OF THAT TREE."

THE FOREMAN THINKS TO HIMSELF, "WHAT AN IDIOT, HOW WOULD HE KNOW THE FRONT FROM THE BACK OF THE TREE?"

WHEN BUBBA REACHES THE TREE, HE GOES AROUND IT IN A CIRCLE WHILE LOOKING AT THE GROUND. HE THEN REACHES UP AND PLACES A WHITE X ON THE TRUNK.

HE WALKS BACK TO THE SUPERVISOR AND HANDS HIM THE CHALK. "THAT THAR'S THE FRONT," THE REDNECK SAYS.

THE FOREMAN LAUGHS TO HIMSELF AND ASKS SARCASTICALLY, "HOW IN THE HELL DO YOU KNOW THAT'S THE FRONT OF THE TREE?"

BUBBA LOOKS DOWN AT HIS FEET, WHILE RUBBING THE TOE OF HIS LEFT BOOT CLEANING IT IN THE GRAVEL AND REPLIES, "CUZ SOMEBODY TOOK A CRAP BEHIND IT!"

HE GOT THE JOB.

Quick Notes

2011-07-14T10:11:00.000-05:00

I went and did it again. I fucked up my back while cleaning house. Yeppers, I was mopping and the like and all of a sudden *POP*!! Shit! It felt like my spine fell out of my body. It just fell and my legs gave out and I had to use the mop to help me hobble to a chair.

Now that was a de ja vu moment. It reminded me of my ER visit and my back popped the same way there in the waiting room and I screamed from the pain. A bone spur had broken off and lodged under a nerve. I'm just very thankful that I have the drugs to kill the pain right now. I'll be calling my doctor when I finish here to see what he wants me to do. Other than that I am just waiting around. The Gabapentin and Hydrocodone kicked in minutes ago.

As you all know I took off the email that Linda had sent me. I emailed her and she asked me to take it off my blog because of problems. I am sorry Linda, my friend. I will still say prayers and light my candles for you and yours.

Oh, I will be away from the blogging world all the next two weeks. My brother is coming to visit and then David and I are taking the puppies to the coast for a week. So I will be out officially on vacation my minions.

2011-07-13T10:26:00.000-05:00

Ole Blue

A young cowboy from Texas goes off to college.
Half way through the semester, having foolishly
squandered all his money ..... he calls home.

"Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education
is developing! They actually have a program here in Missoula
that will teach our dog, Ole' Blue how to talk!"

"That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ole' Blue
in that program?"

"Just send him down here with $1,000" the young cowboy says
"and I'll get him in the course."

So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.

About two-thirds of the way through the semester,
the money again runs out. The boy calls home.

"So how's Ole' Blue doing son?" his father asks.

"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you
just won't believe this -- they've had such good results
they have started to teach the animals how to read!"

"Read!?" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue
in that program?"

"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."
The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem.

At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog
can neither talk, nor read.

So he shoots the dog.

When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father
is all excited.

"Where's Ole' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read
something and talk!"

"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday
morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole' Blue was
in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading
the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does".

"Then Ole' Blue turned to me and asked, so, is your daddy
still messing around with that little redhead who lives
down the street?"

The father went white and exclaimed, "I hope you shot
that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!"

"I sure did, Dad!"

"That's my boy!"

The kid went on to law school, and now serves in
Washington D.C. as a Congressman..

How To Immobilize Your Cat

2011-07-12T02:27:00.000-05:00

Mmkay!! I wonder if it works on dogs so I can cut their nails without a fight.

The Crazy Witch's Daybook

2011-07-11T12:12:00.000-05:00

My mood : I should make this my usual mood since I seem to be zobified all the time after the weekend. Oh Fuckit!! Who am I kidding. I feel like this all the time. Lately all I want to do is sleep too. I can't seem to shake this shit and I don't want to tell my doctor cause he'll put me on yet another pill of some sort. I'm thinking it's the weather cause I seem to be this way when it get's hot.

What's happening at Casa de Loco: Nothing right now. I just got back from taking the puppies on "an adventure" Yeppers, their idea of "an adventure" at least. I take them out for a little ride in the car around the block. If by chance I decide to let them out at the dog park one day when no one is there, it would blow their little doggie minds. Right now they are all outside chasing squirrels while the temp is in the low 80's.

David and I had a bit of fun with ice cream. No, nothing kinky, so get your minds out of the damned gutter. He found an old ice cream maker from a long time ago when his daughter was little. So he cleaned it up and we went on the web and found a few vanilla ice cream recipes to try. None of them tasted good. We even tried store bought ice cream starter in a box but it was yucky. So David is going to see what his co-worker/friend's recipe for ice cream is.

David is back to work, thank the goddess. He pretty much behaved himself and let me alone. He remembered to turn down the sound during Jerry Springer and Maury. I don't understand how an educated man, that he is, can watch this trash TV. How can he stand this shit? It's so scripted cause half the time these people don't know what the fuck they're saying and then that stupid bell rings for the fight to begin just like Pavlov's dogs they mindlessly go at each other. It's completely mind numbing.

Anywho, David also did a few things to make himself usefull. Let's see, he put new brake pads on my car, only the front. I stayed outside to watch so he wouldn't cut my brake lines. He finally moved some of the rocks ~~that he stupidly bought without asking me~~ to the other side of the house and put them where I wanted them because the Bitch's cats from across the street keep using the side garden for their litter box.

I have been fighting back by slinging the cat shit back into her yard with a small shovel. That bitch was told by the city that she can't have cats anymore because she won't have them spayed or neutered. But yet she went and put collars on two of them that she keeps hiding in her house when the Animal Control comes around. AC can't pick up the cats if they have tags. But the tags belonged to her dogs and the AC don't know that. This woman knows how to get around the rules. But I plan on calling AC later today to report her because she let a stray momma cat have kittens in her house and now the cat is preggers again.

In regards to my fat fluffy ass: I did gain about 3 pounds with the ice cream. Not too happy about that. I've been doing my back exorcises religiously every morning and night to get my back into good working order. Only one problem. Last night while I was doing dishes, My lower back popped for no reason and it hurt like a sonofabitch too. It felt like I popped another bone spur. Been hurting ever since. I really need to go lay down for a bit and I will in due time.

What I'm reading: Well everyone's blogs, that's what. Brandon over at My Own Private Idaho is a laugh. You Have to check him out. He's having problems with the hicks in Utah. David has dealt with them too. He had to visit for an audit at one of the Plants he deals with on a daily basis.

What I need to do today: Well wash clothes cause I didn't do it Saturday. And then Sunday we went on a road trip. So I will be doing house work and then maybe I can lay down for a bit before dinner.

Fun With Tarot Cards

2011-07-10T08:44:00.000-05:00

I was reading some of my favorite blogs this morning and I chanced to drop by Diandra's blog That Witch Is True. Have some fun today my minions, and see what Tarot card represents you. It's easy and the link is below.

You are The Empress

Beauty, happiness, pleasure, success, luxury, dissipation.

The Empress is associated with Venus, the feminine planet, so it represents,

beauty, charm, pleasure, luxury, and delight. You may be good at home
decorating, art or anything to do with making things beautiful.

The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone, was kidnapped. In fury and grief, she kept the Earth barren till her child was returned to her.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Movie Meme

2011-07-09T14:55:00.000-05:00

I sometimes hate doing Memes but this one caught my eye at Southern Discomfort. Mejis's blog is one of my favorites that I look for each day. I fucking love this woman!

Name a movie you have seen more than 10 times: Practical Magic

Name a movie you have seen multiple times in the cinema: Star Wars

Name an actor that would make you more inclined to see a film: I have several ... Will Smith, Adam Sandler, Johnny Depp, Cameron Diaz, Annie Hathaway, Sandra Bullock, Reese Witherspoon and Uma Thurman

Name an actor that would make you less likely to see a film: Tom Cruise, Jim Carrey and Will Ferrell

Name a film that you can and do quote from: Monty Python and The Holy Grail. "She turned me into a newt!

- A newt? - I got better...”

Name a film musical that you know all of the lyrics to and all of the songs: I hate musicals but Rocky Horror Picture Show was fun.

Name a film that you would recommend everyone to see: Devil Wears Prada

Ever walked out of a film? Yes, Blair Witch Project. It was totally stupid.

Name a film that made you cry in the cinema: Marley & Me. When Marley died I lost it.

Popcorn? Yes. David and I usually share a medium sized popcorn and we also get Cokes.

How often to you go to the cinema? It's very rare for us to go to a movie but when we go it's usually a damned good one.

What's your favorite/preferred genre of film? Comedy or action type film.

What's the first film you remember seeing at the cinema? Bambi, I was 8 years old.

What film do you wish you had never seen? The Fast and The Furious

If you could be any character portrayed in a movie, who would you be? Princess Victoria in Young Victoria

Total number of films you own on DVD and video: About 70 or 80 Not sure cause most are in plastic containers in the media room closet.

Last film you bought: Young Victoria

Last film you watched: Legally Blonde

Five films that mean a lot to you: Practical Magic, Legally Blonde, Marley & Me, The Bone Collector, and all the Harry Potter movies.

What I've Been Up To

2011-07-08T07:45:00.000-05:00

Sorry I have been MIA for this past week but having the hubster home ~~and driving me up the fucking wall all week~~ is taking up all my damned time. Well that and doing house work and cleaning up after him and the puppies. Then going with him on little road trips to New Braunfels to find his favorite Summer Sausage and giving him directions on driving through town even though he has lived in this part of Texas all his fucking life and still has no idea how to get around in NB. Having him yell at me in the car when he takes the wrong turn. Shooting his silly ass because he was yelling at me because he wasn't paying attention when I told him to take a right turn at this next light, etc...etc...etc.

I can say one good thing. I haven't had to call 911 yet to report that I need an ambulance because he repeatedly ran backwards into the knife I was holding behind him. Nine times. That's right, I've been restraining myself from becoming a widow. Besides I'd look tacky in black from head to toe.

On the other great side. He has been letting me sleep as late as I want. I feel like a lazy rich bitch. But hey, I'm still having trouble getting to sleep at all at night. He knows how bad it is for me and I love him to death for his understanding. The Fibro is kicking my fluffy fat ass. The only thing kicking Fibro's butt is my Gabapentin and Hydrocodone. Thank the Goddess for great drugs.

I did get him to finish some shit that I have wanted him to do outside that he has been passing up. I think it's because I ask him to do this or that. So I have to turn the tables so to speak and use reversed psychology on him. If I can make him think he came up with the idea then he goes fucking hog shit wild on doing chores I needed him to do. Whatever lights his farts, ya know.

One thing I got David to do was paint the inside of the cabinet under the sink. I wanted to show him how much brighter it would look. Also to get him to think about refinishing the outsides of the cabinets, sanding them down and painting them and replacing the hardware. Just to make it brighter. That kitchen is so fucking dark and dreary. Whoever thought of putting up dark brown fake paneling in a kitchen should be tied spread eagled to steaks on a fire ant hill and smeared with honey. Must have been an unmarried man.

Anywho, David thought about it and finally agreed with me. Fuck a duck! I need to somehow get him to think about recessed lighting with LEDs and chuck that fucking ceiling fan in there. I hate that thing and it was a stupid idea to put it in there. The only things we will need to buy for the kitchen makeover is the LED lighting, paint, shelf paper, glass tiles for the back splash, the concrete counter top, cabinet hardware, and the flooring. We are going to save about $10 or $15 grand because we have already new appliances and we will be doing this all ourselves. Just like we did the rest of the house. Hopefully this makeover won't take two years to complete.

2011-07-04T09:16:00.000-05:00

Happy 4th Of July

Friday Funny

2011-07-01T10:16:00.000-05:00

Mmkay, I have something to make y'alls day and possibly the weekend. Just follow the instructions below. You are gonna laugh your ass off on this one. I did. Then I sent it to some friends.

Please, Just Shoot My Ass Now

2011-06-30T10:24:00.000-05:00

I need a good friend with a gun and a steady hand. Yes, someone to fuckin shoot my poor fluffy fat ass right now before Friday afternoon. That's the time David will be home at the start of a whole week off for the Fourth of July Holiday. Every year he gets a certain amount of weeks off paid holiday and this will be one of them.

You know what that means? Yeppers, I will be responsible for any and all appendages and blood spilling that happens for the next nine days and nights. Oh yes, it's my turn to watch him.

The last time he had time off from a holiday was when he lopped off his pointer finger at the second knuckle while attempting to make Adirondack chairs, which he never finished. Personally I still need to sell that saw. I don't know what he is going to get into this coming week so I better be on my toes. This is going to be exhausting.

Nutella Freakazoid

2011-06-29T06:50:00.000-05:00

I found something absofucking delicious. I'm a Nutella freak. I love the stuff.So I tried this recipe this past weekend. It's yummy as shit y'all. I found this fabulicious recipe here at: http://blogs.babble.com/family-kitchen/2011/03/15/nutella-mug-cake/

Nutella Mug Cake

Ingredients

via

4 tablespoons self rising flour

4 tablespoons white granulated sugar

1 egg

3 tablespoons cocoa powder

3 tablespoons Nutella

3 tablespoons milk

3 tablespoons olive or vegetable oil

Method

Combine all ingredients in a large coffee mug.

Whisk well with a fork until smooth.

Microwave on high for 1 1/2 – 3 minutes. (*Time depends on microwave wattage. Mine took 1 - 2 minutes.)

Top with whipped cream and a little chocolate sauce if desired.

*Note: Depending on the wattage of your microwave, you may have to increase cooking time.

Makes 1 very large serving.