While I Was Out

I've been hanging with the "Black Dog" as depression is called. Don't ask me why because I have no idea. It just happened. I got depressed. I folded inward, withdrew from everything and everyone and it only lasted a week. No big deal. I dealt with it and it didn't win in the long run. So that means I'm back, yay.

I think I really need a Pintervention, but maybe it's best I don't. The whole time I spent in the dumps, I was on Pinterest. Either I was making new boards or pinning. It was crazy. Like I was on crack. I couldn't get out of there. One good thing about it was that it's better than retail therapy. It helped me kick the black dog aside, and it didn't cost me a thing. Lucy was the only creature who was around me most of the time, besides David. She is such a nurturing little soul. She had such a worried look on her face. I wonder if she understood what I was going through.

While I was "out", the mama spider in our courtyard kicked the bucket. Yeah, she died. The one next to David's tool shed is still going strong. David keeps checking on her every morning to see if she's alive. Also, he bought an animal trap to catch the cats in the neighborhood in order to get them fixed and get them their shots. We found a vet that will do it for free because he knows we can't pay for all of them but we want to curb the cat population problem.

Well, I have a house to clean and laundry to wash so I'll be back tomorrow. Don't worry, the black dog is gone.

Sorry about the sporadic posting my dear minions. I've been either at the pool or here working out. I haven't had to do anything lately so that puts my ass in a wicked funk you wouldn't believe! Or would you. Well I do know a few of you would understand what I'm saying.

I'm going on my second year in a couple of months of posting on this blog and I feel like seriously quitting. I really started it to keep myself and a few of you that wander into my trap entertained. I could be pulling wings off flies now and then but this was mainly to keep me out of trouble.

I've been having trouble sleeping again and I'm getting so fucking moody that I feel like one day I might do something I may regret. I've been very snappish with poor David. I hate hurting his feelings. I love that man sooooooo fucking much! I have been having crying jags lately because I can't go back to work for at least another four to six months. I know it's my depression creeping in again. I've been pretty damned great about keeping that filthy bitch at bay. Goddess! Why am I saying all this shit!!  I need to go away for a while. Sorry my minions.

I Need Chocolate

When I started out this year, I picked a word to live by for the whole year. Something that I could look on and say to myself am I living up to that word. It was Strength.

STRENGTH

The quality or state of being strong

Mental power, firmness or courage

Power of resisting force, strain

Effective force or power

I am really wondering if I'll make it through this year. Yes my dear minions, I am in a deep dark funk right now. Yeppers, I am totally fucking depressed beyond belief. And I need chocolate!!!! Lots and lots of it!!! Or I'm gonna off myself!!

I was so depressed that I thought of downing all my meds at once. But then I thought I'd just have to go get refills so that was not happening. Besides I hate the whole fucking idea of throwing up. Then I thought of breaking open one of those cheapo razors and slashing my wrists, but I hate pain and I don't have a bath tub to make one of those movie scenes with the bitch in the water with blood on the walls and the water is pink from all the blood. Meh.

There was the thought of driving over a cliff. Ain't no fucking cliffs out here. Just a bunch of hills. Yeah!!! I'm gonna fucking off myself over the hill. Shit! There was the thought of standing in front of a train. They are never on time and you have to wait for days sometimes before one comes through town. By then I'll have had my chocolate and shit will be right with the world again.