Endoscopy Explained

David is having his annual five year Endoscopy next week and I had to get Robin Williams' version of what David will go through and post it for you, my minions. When David saw this he nearly died laughing. Yeppers, he passed out from laughing so hard, he couldn't catch his breath. It was scary for a while there but he's okay now.

This is so Funny

Just got back from Sloopy's (Linda's) blog. She's doing some fun things with names. If you want to try it go see herblog and have a bit of fun this morning. BTW, my new name is Tootsie Chickendunkin, according to the name game she has going on. So go check her out my minions.

Pod People

Yes pod people are here. I know nobody likes to talk about this subject, but it has to be addressed. Over the weekend I noticed that certain people in town have these pods in their front yards, like decorations. Either they have been taken over already or they are ignorant.

David just laughed at me until I explained the situation to him. These pod people are taking over slowly but surely. It starts out with the introduction of this "cacti" that they think will look great in their gardens. They have no clue what that friendly guy at the local garden shop is selling them.

It's a pod. Oh it looks innocent and all now but one night while you are sleeping ... and it only takes that one night my friends. Just think about it. Have you seen anyone that just doesn't look right? They are really odd looking and don't laugh at your jokes. Their sense of fashion is all out the door. They even have no rhythm when they walk. Women pod people can't walk in heels, not because they hurt but because their lack of co-ordination. Hence the saying "Can't walk and chew gum at the same time."

Let me give you an idea of pod people that I have been observing. The Olsen Twins. They have a billion dollar empire and yet they dress like bag ladies. Come on!! These are pod people. They scream pod people.

My advice is to beware of these pods you see at the garden shop. If the shop owner wants you to take one home free to see how it will look in the front yard, then run. Run fast. Don't look back. Just run for your life

The Cost Of Living Is Bad

The cost of living has hit us all really hard. My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries. CEO's are now playing miniature golf. Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen. A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced. I saw a Mormon with only one wife. The bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," and you call them to ask if they meant you or them. Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names. My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, so the Church re-possessed her! A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico. When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now share a room. Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal.  Oh Great!  The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear! I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hot line. I got a call center in Pakistan, and, when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, asked if I could drive.

Was It Something I Said???

Something funny happened over the weekend I wanted to tell you all about but I forgot. It must be old timers disease affecting me again. To give you an idea about what it is like living with this Bear, he watches HGTV and all the home improvement shows on TV that he can find on Saturday and Sundays like it's a new religion or something. Then it's sports or he goes to Home Desperate to look around.

Anywho, to get to the story.  I had asked David what he thought about if we put garden bricks around the trees and put four o'clocks and geraniums in there. He said great. So I went inside and he kissed me good-by and said he was going to Home Desperate to look around.

He came home about an hour later and disappeared to his shed. Moments later I smelled paint. Yeppers, that smell of spray paint. He was out spraying around the trees with neon-orange spray paint just like they do when they want to mark out where they will be digging and putting plants.. Our neighbor's hubby came home and walked over to me and asked what David was doing. Without missing a beat I said "Oh, he's marking his territory."

My neighbor laughed so hard he fell on the ground. David asked what happened. And I told him what I told our laughing neighbor. He didn't think it was funny. But word got around and now David is the butt of all the gardening jokes in the neighborhood.

I gotta watch what I say around people. My wit is just to strong for them. It's a small town so David wants me to behave from now on. I really can't make this shit up. It just happens this way.

Oh Damn It All To Hell !!!

Mmkay, Dark Mother. Woman, you have succeeded in making me into a blubbering, whiny, cry baby.  The death of your sister was bad enough. I somewhat felt what you were going through because I lost my Dad not to long ago. But now Brandy, your sweet smooshy faced baby girl (I call my Lucy and Pebbles the same thing) has died.

I went to your blog page this morning  to see her picture again and low and behold you wrote a moving tribute to Brandy. You bitch!!  How dare you do this to me. It made me hug the living shit out of my puppies and they are still looking at me strangely. They have no idea that their lifetimes are only a fraction of ours.

Everytime I look at them I realize they only have a few more years with us. I don't know what I will do without them. I can't replace them because they are unique individuals. They are the children David and I couldn't have. They have their own little quirks. The funny faces that they make right when you want to scold them. The way they know when you are sick or hurting, they know just how to be sweet and caring to you.

No, My kids won't be replaced in my heart. Not ever

P.S. please note I have nothing against DM. She is my BBB(blogging bitch buddy). I love her to death. If I call her a bitch , it's in a loving tone. She's a great puppy mommy and I'm hurting for her as much as the next friend would.

The Crazy Witch's Daybook

My mood today is 

What I wish my garden looked like

What my silly ass was up to so far today: I went outside to survey my realm and went freaking hog wild. I started by watering the yard. Then I got ahold of the pruning sheers and cut away at all the old dead junk in my garden. Then I just threw some seeds I had in a jar saved up from all the seeds I'd taken from flowers years before. It's a hap hazard way of growing my wild garden but it works.

What I'm thankful for: I have my own home and gardens that I can do anything I damned well please to it. I got David to finally finish putting in the rest of the garden bricks that I wanted him to finish two years ago. So now I need to go get my Hydrangeas from Home Desperate and my Geraniums too. I got cuttings from my Robin Hood Hedge Roses and started them in rooting hormone. Also I am moving my baby banana trees near the car port so they will have protection from the wind. So much to do, so little time.

My one guilty pleasure: I love when the weather finally turns to a warm spring. I love walking around without shoes. I love the feel of the ground under my feet. It makes me feel closer to the Goddess.

What's cookin good lookin: I'm making BBQ chicken that tastes like cat  with Fritos salad. Really the salad is a meal in itself.
Frito Salad  -  serves 8 to 10
1 head lettuce, chopped like for a salad
2 tomatoes, chopped small
2 cucumbers, seeded and chopped small
1 cup sliced green or black olives, whatever your preference (optional)
1/2 cup pickled jalapeños, chopped (optional)
1 bell pepper, diced (optional)
1 can regular pinto or red beans, rinsed and drained well
3 to 4 cups of Fritos, not the dipping chips
1 to 2 cups freshly grated cheddar cheese
1 large bottle of Kraft French Dressing
Put everything into a large serving bowl except the Fritos, cheese, and French dressing and let sit covered in the fridge before you are ready to eat. When you are ready to serve your family and/or guests, add the cheese and Fritos.  Add only enough French dressing to lightly coat the salad. Eat up!

The kicker is that once you make this salad it will start to wilt out so make sure to only mix it up when you are ready to serve it otherwise the Fritos get soggy after one hour. Also it's not a great idea to save any of it afterwards because of the soggy Fritos. I love to eat this as just a meal because it's a salad and then you have the protein from the beans. There are many versions of this salad and this one is mine. Please try it. You might be surprised.

iPhone 5

I like the get out of jail free app.