MY MINIONS

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Warning! - This Blog May Contain:

violence, terrible grammar, gratuitous sex, strong odors, seed porn, and possibly improper French

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

David's New Toy

If you read yesterday's blog then you know I stubbed my toe. TWICE!! Yes! Yes, I know. So today I'm doing better. Still not walking with shoes or even slippers. But it's not hurting as bad.

Anywho, I mentioned a little something about David and a new tree saw. Yes, he went to Home Desperate without my supervision again. Came home with an electric Ryobi chainsaw connected to an extender pole that goes from 6 to 9 feet. oooooooo aaaahhhhh
I knew I should have gone with him, but I had things to do that weekend. I had a bad feeling the whole time he was gone. When he got out of his truck I saw a small stream of drool still on his chin. He does that when he walks around Home Desperate, also a half-dazed look. Most of the men who go there turn into zombie husbands. The only ones that are normal in that place are the contractors getting supplies. The working staff are all Stepford sales people leading the zombie husbands around to the cool stuff and then they leave them there to drool a while.

Well, David took all the toys out of the box and put it together. Yes, he had to make sure it worked too. He proceeded to cut all the low branches that he hits with his head when he mows the yard. But did he pick them all up for the mulch truck? NOOOOOOoooooooo! He left some for me to pick up because he got all caught up in his new toy. So there are all these little branches from the pecan trees sitting on the ground. EVERYWHERE! Did he cut down the branches over the street or on the roof that I asked him to cut? NOOOOoooooo!

Now he's looking on the internet for a longer pole to attach to that thing so he can cut the higher stuff. Why? Shit if I know. I was wondering, if one of his toys just happen to kill him there is going to be one hell of a grand garage sale. He already owns half of the shit in Home Desperate. I ought to make a killing. No pun intended. AHAHAHAAAHAhahahaaahahahaaaa!

4 comments:

  1. My Rare One would kill for one of those. She has to climb up a 6-foot ladder to wield her chainsaw on higher tree branches.

    "What do you call two women at Home Depot on a Saturday night?" "Lesbians on a first date." It's funny cuz it's true!

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  2. What do you mean, "why?" The longer the pole, the more stuff he gets to cut without chopping down the actual tree and this translates to a fun testosterone rush that may result in good ol' fashioned naked slappy time! Also, it's an adult toy that's fun to play with and comes with the added feature that you can mask the "fun" with "productivity."

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  3. I think we all know why men want extensions.

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  4. I have quit buying good tools with a warranty. Hell, the cheap ones will outlive me.
    the Ol'Buzzard

    ReplyDelete

let 'er rip

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