MY MINIONS

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Warning! - This Blog May Contain:

violence, terrible grammar, gratuitous sex, strong odors, seed porn, and possibly improper French

Monday, June 1, 2015

My Guardian Angel Drinks


Personally I think my Guardian Angel drinks. Yes, yes she does. I did laundry yesterday and I was taking the folded towels to put in the bathroom closet and I stubbed my toe. It hurt like a mother fucker. I checked it out after doing the stubbed toe dance around the bathroom a couple times. It was throbbing but okay. Really I thought I had broken it.

I was taking the other folded clothes to be put away and I stubbed the same damned toe. I screamed and started cussing, pissed off royally that I had hit that same toe twice. This time I was bleeding all over the place. I made the floor look like a crime scene, just needed to throw a knife on the floor and chalk line a body. I looked for somewhere to sit and check out that poor littlest piggy.

Bitch was bleeding quite profusely. I had broken the nail to the quick, so I screamed for David who was farting around outside with his new tree saw, I'll that explain that one tomorrow. Well, that did no good because he was really busy playing with the saw. So I hobbled to the kitchen and grabbed a dish towel, wrapped my toes and grabbed some ice in another dish towel. I then hobbled to the TV room and put my foot up on my art table and wrapped the ice rag around the toes.

The throbbing was excruciating. I kept beating on my desk with my hand to counter the pain in my toe. It worked. After the pain died away a bit I was able to check the toe to see the damage. It wasn't really that bad. I do expect the nail to fall out later but nothing serious that I would need stitches for. I was able to walk around after about 30 minutes. So I cleaned the mess up, grabbed a Dr. Pepper and watched "I Zombie" that I taped on DVR.

But let me tell y'all, last night was the worst. The throbbing from my toe basically kept me up nearly all night. I think I fell asleep sometime this morning and I just woke up when David called me at 10:00 this morning. I put a new bandage on it this morning so I wouldn't get any dirt on it if I went outside. I can't even wear my sandals because it still hurts. Sigh. I need to go bitch out a certain drunkard angel right now. Y'all have a great blessed day.

5 comments:

  1. Stubbing your toe once is bad enough but twice! Give it an epsom salts soak. xo

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  2. Yeah, I'd fire that Guardian Angel and get a new one. I broke my baby toe once by stubbing it, so I know how it feels. Excruciatingly painful!!!

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  3. Mercury in retrograde I am telling ya!! I can't even remember the minor accidents, throwing small devices to the ground in the most unceremonious of ways, spilling of everything that I am carrying in my hands for more than two seconds, not to mention hurting my back really bad, having to send my cellphone to service and being utterly uncoordinated and forgetful!
    Today we made four runs to the store! A personal best!
    I hope you get a nice restful sleep tonight and the pain subsides!
    Lots and lots of love!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Are you sure the guardian angel is drunk and not just a sadistic jerk with a malicious sense of humor? Regardless, screw that guardian angel with an oversized, rusty drill bit. I once slammed my thumb in a door and the nail turned black. after riding it out, the nail remains. Though, now, I have Super-Aids. So maybe you ought to have your toe looked at. I'm not a doctor.

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  5. I hate stubbing my toe! That sounds awful and you should probably fire that angel!

    ReplyDelete

let 'er rip

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