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Tuesday, January 26, 2016

What I Did Over My Week Long Vacation

I've had my coffee so I'm good now. Answers to Pickleope's smartass remarks on yesterday comment section. Yes, I am a Coffee Slut. Yes, I will do anything within REASON for coffee. NO, coffee enemas have nothing to do with what I'll do for coffee. NO, I don't do Folgers coffee even if it was the last brand available on the face of the earth. So don't even go there you silly fucker. 

MMMkay, yesterday I had something I wanted to tell y'all about that I learned to do over my time off. It's all about the puppies. I took them to the Doggie Park last week and met someone who has a couple of Bostons just like me. We got to talking about them and she started explaining that she learned how to give her dogs a doggie massage. She learned from a friend who is a licensed masseuse for animals and said it was very good for her dogs who are both way past 13 years old and arthritic. They acted like they were still puppies the way they ran around with mine.

Anywho, she asked her friend to teach me how to give doggie massages for my dogs. It was so easy to learn that I was nearly flabbergasted. I found a few videos on that show the basics. There are cat massage videos and horse massage, even a kinkajou getting a massage. 

I would talk with a Vet first about doing this first. You don't want to hurt your dog. I am not holding a gun to your head to do this, so don't go suing my fat ass saying you heard me say YOU HAVE TO DO THIS FOR THE GOOD OF YOUR ANIMALS, because I didn't, I didn't force you. All I am saying  is it's a cool idea to LEARN it from someone who is licensed, knows how, and is willing to teach you. So don't go fucking misconstruing my words and shit and then taking my ass to court. 


I never run over 15 minutes for each dog. They get their full massages after playing at the doggie park and they have gotten so spoiled with this new ritual that they get fucking pissed off at me if I neglect them. Brats. 

 It's very easy to do, not that hard to learn at all. Just be mindful of what you are doing and don't apply too much pressure because you could do more harm than good. I light touch is best. I have a small foam mattress pad covered in soft velour for them to lie on. You don't want them lying on a cold hard floor. Remember learn this from someone that has a license and is willing to teach you. Don't learn this on your own. You could do more harm than good.


  1. I do this to my poodles too! I took the foam pad from the Witchling's changing table that she out grew and made them a portable bed. That bed normally is under the crafting table and that's where they sleep when I'm creating. When they get massaged, I put that bed up on my crafting table cause it's just about the correct height and I don't get all muscle spamsy working on them. GOOD FOR YOU!! And YAY!!

    Coffee Slut, huh??

  2. I draw the line at Folgers and MGB. Actually, I am not a coffee slut but a coffee snob. I will only drink the expensive organic stuff that we won't buy unless it's on sale. And I have learned that 7-11 actually has decent coffee. It isn't Tim Horton's but it is not bad considering the source.

    I have tried to give Norbert massages and he does not appreciate it. It makes him more angry than he already is.

  3. If I had tried to give a pet message to my cat HRH, I would have stumps for arms today.

  4. O what lucky furbabies you have ...My familiar likes a good massage only on his terms and that's far and few between as he can be quite the jerk!

  5. Now I'm trying to think of where my line is for getting tea. What is outside of reason, for me? Would I poop on a casket at a wake? Maybe. But that's more for the story than the tea. I think it's slapping my mom. That's my line.
    I had no idea there was a licensing system for pet masseurs. Or how vital it was. I wonder if a cat would ever allow itself to be massaged or if that's just a recipe for scars?


let 'er rip

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