Friday Funny

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, this driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. 

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back -- wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem? "Ma'am," the officer replies, you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers. Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-two miles an hour! "The old woman says a bit proudly.

The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that 22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time, "the officer asks. Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."

Happy Thanksgiving

For those of you in United States that celebrate this day. 

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.

Wet Dog Wednesday

Da Bears

Monday - EEEEEEEEWWWWW!

Okay, David is home for the WHOLE fucking week. Yes. The company he works for closes down the office for a week during Thanksgiving and then again for Christmas. That means I'll be listening to crappy, campy science fiction movies on the Syfy Channel or Jerry Springer and then Maury. Just shoot me now. please! I guess I'll be hiding in the bedroom.

I could watch TV too, but during the day it's mostly crappy television. I spend my days cleaning or reading blogs. Most of the time if the weather is bad and I'm feeling awful I read blogs or search the web for cool stuff. If I can't type on my laptop because I'm flat on my back with the heating pad, I usually just earmark blogs for commenting later.

This past weekend was wet and really dark. We received 1.5 precious inches of much needed rain. It looked like we got more, but the rain gauge doesn't lie. Right now it's beautiful outside. Sunny and a cool 64 degrees. i have all the windows and doors open. Nice cool breeze blowing through the house. I wish it was nice like this all the time. My back feels good too, simply amazing day so far.

David is in the car port changing out the front shocks on his truck. Yes, Mr. Fixit is on the loose. I just have to keep him away from the plumbing jobs. He knows what to buy to replace stuff in plumbing and how to do the job, it's just he has a problem keeping things from leaking water all over the floor. The fun thing is I have to monitor what he does and keep certain phone numbers handy, just in case. I know when he is about to work on something. He starts researching whatever he is going to mess with on the web. It's like an all day search for items on the computer. So I look for the phone numbers of our handyman that will be able to either help or take over the job David is doing. It's all good.

Friday Funny

        It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to do the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman. My name is Ron. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Rose. 

        When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Rose to get a full-time job, along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table.

        I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club, so eating out is not an option in the evening. I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door. She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.

        Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two, or even three days.

        That way, she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.

        When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half-finished mowing the lawn. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man.. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed orange juice and just sit for a while. And, as long as she's making one for herself, she may as well make one for me, too. I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Rose.

        I'm not saying that showing this much patience & consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, Guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your ageing wife because of this  article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.

UPDATE: Ron died suddenly on October 31 of a perforated rectum. The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra-long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing, and a sledge hammer laying nearby. His wife Rose was arrested and charged with murder. The all-woman jury took only 10 minutes to find her not guilty, accepting her defense that Ron, somehow without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club.

Wet Cat Wednesday

Tickle Me Tuesday

Just a Quick Note

Some of you are wondering where the hell I am. Well, I'm right here of coarse. *Note to self: that was not funny.* I've been nursing bad back pain for the past week. I won't see my Pain doctor for another 3 weeks. Yeah, lucky me. I do have enough pain meds to help me cope though.  I'm also late in posting this because I was finally sleeping and I just woke up at 1PM. So on to the good stuff.

The guys are so proud of their fish.

David (on the left) and the guys came home from their fishing trip just in time before the cold set in on the coast. They had a pretty good time of it. The fish were laughing at them as usual. David brought home only 2 bags of Reds instead of the usual 4.

The UV light. What it looks like when turned on.

 This past Saturday David and I set up the UV plant grow light I got from Amazon. I placed a large blue tarp over and around the UV setup so the puppies don't get into the area. That light is a Red/Blue LED lamp and will blind you if you look directly at it. So far the plants that are under the light are loving it. I decided to buy one this year to help the plants that I have to bring inside during the cold weather. So far they don't mind it.

this is not the one I bought.but it looks close to it.

I plan on starting tomato, peppers, and bean seedlings for the spring garden with the lamp. This will give us a jump on the growing season for our veggie garden.

The cold has been bad for me but great for comfort food cooking. I made pot roast on Saturday and we will have leftovers tonight. Tomorrow it will be in the 30's so we will have tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. I'm making chili again for Wednesday night. Then the weather starts getting rainy and I will be making a casserole for Thursday. David wants to go out on a date Friday so I won't be cooking that night.

Friday Funny

Wet Dog Wednesday

But Mom, It's Cold And Wet Outside

That's the look the puppies have been giving me every single day since it started raining Tuesday evening. "But momma it's too cold out there," they said in their whiny little doggy voices. "Come with us. Please?" Hey I'm no weather man but I have a great feeling it's going to be very wet and cold this year. Much more than in the past. Today it's only in the 50's. next week it's supposed to go down into the 40's. My back is really feeling it but I'm getting through it. I love the rain and I'm very grateful for everything the Goddess gives me when I ask. So I'm for sure not complaining about the wet weather we are having.

I'm making my home made Texas chili tonight for dinner. It's the perfect time of year for it too. I soak the kidney beans overnight and then rinse them in the morning. Then I cover them barely with cold water and start cooking them over a medium flame. While the beans are simmering I take six Roma tomatoes and place them one at a time in boiling hot water and peal them. I then chop them up and let them sit in a bowl while I brown the lean ground beef with minced garlic and half a chopped yellow onion. When the beef is completely cooked I add one small can of tomato paste and the chopped tomatoes. I add the half cooked beans with it's water and then stir and season to taste. This is when I add the chili seasoning and ground cumin seeds. David hates hot chili, so I take out half the chili and put it into a second pot and add chopped raw jalapenos to make it my four alarm chili. I let both pots simmer slowly for about three hours. Then I love to chop up the other half of the small yellow onion and shred a bit of yellow Jack Cheddar cheese to throw on top. David never heard of the raw onions and cheese on top and he loves his chili that way now. I also make my sweet cornbread muffins. What's chili without corn bread. So that's what's for dinner tonight.

David is getting ready for his fishing trip tomorrow. Yes, he's all giddy inside, dancing around the house. Packing and unpacking like a woman, wondering if he forgot something. But then again he always does. He's going to forget something really important like his wallet, you just wait and see. It never fails. Sometimes I am so grateful there will never be a Zombie Apocalypse *heavy sad sigh*.  Reason? You may ask? Come on, please ask me. - Because that man would never be able to bug out to a safe place. He would be packing and unpacking his backpack for days and then he would forget a major weapon like a machete, or crow bar, or deodorant.  

Weird Animal Wednesday

Fishing

David has an upcoming fishing trip planned for the weekend, but who knows what weekend. These guys, four of them, change their plans almost every day. First they were going to leave for the coast on Saturday morning. Then the fishing trip was cancelled. Then it was on again for Saturday. Then for Friday night. Now they want to leave Friday afternoon. Fuck it all to Hell and back already. Just fucking leave! These guys do this every year in November. Constantly changing the date. They're worse than women trying on dresses.

Anywho, I worry when they go fishing because when they go it's all day and most of the night. They catch redfish, the occasional trout, and bass, but also catch sharks and have come across an alligator or two. Besides catching fish, David lost his cell phone once, his wallet, lucky fishing hat, been hooked by his own lures at least four times, hooked by his buddies lures countless times, lost a fishing rod and expensive reel to a shark that almost jumped into the boat. They have lost the keys to the SUV only twice so far and had to have the wife drive down with the extra set, had the SUV towed to a dealer to get a key made the second time because the guy didn't want to hear shit from his wife again. Goddess only knows what fiascos will happen when they go fishing out on the coast this time. All I can say is that I worry. A lot!