Friday Funny

Stuff and Thangs

There is something of a Mexican standoff going on across the street from my house. It's involving close to 11 cats and 2 huge turkey buzzards. I was taking pictures of it all when my camera battery died. I nearly screamed from the dismay. I can't download the pictures onto my computer unless I have a loaded battery. It's dead ass is being juiced up as I write. Really pisses me off to no end right now. I hope the pictures come out okay. I'll have to post them on Monday.

David will be off on his annual 4th of July vacation. So he has decided to start that week off beginning tomorrow morning. Lucky me. I have a small list of things I want him to do outside and it should keep him busy and out of my hair for a week, unless he does everything in one day. 

OFFICIAL HONEY-DO LIST FOR JULY 4TH WEEK VACATION

 1.   Fill in the Black Hole of Calcutta on the side of the house.

 2.   Dig up all the grass and weeds from your now defunct 

         tomato garden. Use it to fill in the Black Hole of Calcutta.

 3.   Cut all low hanging branches from the Pecan trees that 

         would impede drivers from driving on our street.

 4.   Wash and detail my car like you said you would in June 

         when I won that bet.

 5.   Wash out the trash cans.

 6.   Fix the down pipe going to the water barrels.

 7.   Clean out your man cave/tool shed, I can't find a hammer 

         when I need one.

 8.  Paint the front door and window trim like you said you would 

         last year.  

 9.  Fix the mail box. 

10. Fix the leaking faucet in the kitchen.

So sue me! I could only come up with 10 Herculean tasks. This will surely keep him from bothering me while I watch The Good Wife  next week.

Wet Cat Wednesday

Cutest Ever

It's Monday

I wasn't feeling well Saturday so I stayed in bed. It felt like my body was attacking itself again. It's been a year since that happened. Sunday I was still out of it but functioning. Right now, I'm beat. On Sunday I cleaned up after 2 very messy little dogs and a husband. It was bad. Clothes were everywhere in the bedroom and bathroom, doggie toys and their blankets were in every room including the laundry room. Why, I have no idea. So I spent Sunday morning cleaning. I was too tired to cook dinner, so David went to Subway and picked up a couple of salads for us.

After all that, I retired to the living room couch and watched The Good Wife on Hulu. I finished watching The Handmaid's Tale and finished the first season of Cardinal  last weekend. Both shows were absolutely awesome. So now I'm watching The Good Wife and then Dexter is next on my watchlist. 

The reason I'm watching old stuff is because when I was working at the hospital in Luling, I was on a 12 hour schedule. That meant I had one hour each way to work and back home. and 8 hours to sleep and then time enough to shower and dress. I never had time to watch anything and David never taped the shows or he forgot all the time. Sooooo, now I have all the time in the world and the perfect streaming outlet for it.

Religion in a Nutshell

Friday Funny

An Englishman, a German, and a Frenchman were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze, when all of a sudden, Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, so for this terrible crime they were all sentenced to 50 whip lashes each.

On the day of their punishment the Sheikh who was going to whip them announced: "It's my wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping." The German was first in line, he thought for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but the pillow only lasted 20 lashes before the whip went through.

When the punishment was done the German had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain. The Frenchman was next up. After watching the German in horror he said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back." But even two pillows could only take 35 lashes before the whip went through again and the Frenchman was soon led away whimpering loudly. 

The Englishman was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a part of the world I really like. For this, you may have two wishes!" 

"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness," the Englishman replied. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 50, but 100 lashes." "Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave," the Sheikh said with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it.

The Englishman smiled and said, "Tie the Frenchman and the German to my back."

Canada Eh?

Wet Dog Wednesday

Cutest Ever

I Feel Wonderful!

Sorry for the late post, y'all. I slept in. I asked David to wake me up early but he didn't. Sweet man!

Anywho, I went to see my pain doctor last week Friday but got his PA instead. My doctor had a full day of surgeries scheduled. The first thing she noticed was my hands were swollen from the arthritis so she set me up with the "magic pill." Yes! The "magic pill." I didn't know what to expect but I took one as soon as I got back from the pharmacy. Low and behold, within half and hour my pain was gone from my hands AND my back. The swelling went down considerably. I went crazy. Yes! Yes I did!

On Saturday morning, I took my regular morning pills, ate my breakfast of fresh pineapple and mango chunks with my toast. Then I flexed my hands and fucking cleaned house! I grabbed up the dirty clothes and linens and washed everything in the place that was dirty. I then grabbed up the dog blankets and washed them to get Pebbles scent off of them. Yeah, I noticed blood from her on the blankets from her last days. Way too much knowledge for y'all, sorry.

Anywho, while the wash was going on, in between loads I dusted, vacuumed the floors, rugs, and furniture, made the bed with fresh linens, mopped the floors watered my plants indoors and out, washed the front porch furniture, killed a few wasp nests, washed off the courtyard bricks and table and chairs. Then I sat down and surveyed my kingdom and was so fucking happy. 

I really was. I only felt this way once before and that was the day I met David. That "magic pill" that one pharmaceutical miracle helped me do everything in one day that I would have to spread out over the whole fucking week. The pill is Etodolac otherwise known as Lodine.

  "Etodolac is a nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drug (NSAID). Etodolac works by reducing hormones that cause inflammation and pain in the body. Etodolac is used to treat mild to moderate pain, osteoarthritis, or rheumatoid arthritis."

I take one of these pills in the morning and one at night and I can accomplish my day and sleep all night without anymore pain. I love my PA. She's a Goddess!

Religion in a Nutshell

Friday Funny

Wet Cat Wednesday

Cutest Ever

It's Monday

Thank Gawd this weekend is over. It's been crazy and very tiring for my emotional well being. Saturday, we had to take Pebbles to the vet because she wasn't walking and it was obvious she was at that time. So we called the vet and then went to have her put to sleep.

There is no easy way of doing that. It's heartbreaking to go through it. When we got back home it was strange how the house was quiet. Both Lucy and Spunky kind of knew what happened. They are adjusting well. Since Saturday, Lucy has been very close to me, following me around everywhere. She hasn't left me alone. David keeps making fun calling her my little shadow.

Anywho, we're moving on. Tomorrow, Keebler Elf, Jeff Sessions will be tearing himself away from the cookie and cracker baking tree just long enough and TRY to tell the truth about his wily misadventures with the Russians. I really need to get David to buy stock in popcorn and tea. I'm making a great big jar of sun tea today for tomorrow. David said he would stop by HEB to get me more popcorn since I popped all of my last supply during Comey's Testimony. I'm setting the DVR for C-SPAN again but I'm watching it live. I hope that nasty little man squirms.

Religion in a Nutshell

What I Watch on TV

I didn't know y'all wanted to know that bad about what programs I watch on TV. But here goes. 

• I watch MSNBC when I want to know what is going on in the world right away, like live film and story. Otherwise, I read on the internet via Google News or Yahoo News
• If there is anything topic wise I watch the View for a few minutes then the TV is off most of the day.
• In the evening I will watch ABC Evening News when I can.
• I watch the Big Bang Theory reruns now and again when I'm bored.
• No, I don't watch Lucifer. I did when it first came on but then got bored with it. 
• On Wednesday nights I watch The Handmaid's Tale on Hulu on my laptop.
• On any given night I watch AMC channel : The Walking Dead, Fear The Walking Dead, Talking Dead, Better Call Saul, Preacher, Into The Badlands, and The Son
• On the Syfy channel I watch The Expanse, 12 Monkeys, Dark Matter, and Killjoys.
• On HBO I watch Game of Thrones. We have most of the extra channels on cable like HBO, MAX, Showtime, etc. and I sometimes watch a movie on the weekend if I'm not too busy.
• I also watch Korean DramaFever on my laptop when I'm bored.

Well, that's what I watch off and on in one year. Not much. But that's usually when these shows are in season. I can go for days without turning on the TV or I can sit for hours and feel like a zombie.

It's Thursday, I Got Important Shit To Do - But...

Hey y'all, today ex-FBI director James Comey is testifying before the Senate committee. I've bought plenty of popcorn and made some sweet iced sun tea. I am planting my ass in front of the TV which I normally don't do and I plan on also watching what dimwit #45 will be tweeting. This is going to be one hell of a circus act, two rings, without a net no doubt.

Spunky sleeping on his bed

Monday I tore the TV room apart. Since I haven't been in there in a long while, I noticed there was a nasty smell in the house. I went from room to room and I found it. For the life of me, David must be nose dead. That TV room smelled like someone took a crap. Really! It did! So I cleaned house on Monday like a crazy woman. I washed all the dog's blankets and mopped the floors.Then about an hour before David came home, I made his dinner and set it in the microwave. Then I made the puppies their dinner and set it on the counter. Then one by one I proceeded to drag their nasty screaming butts into the bathroom shower and gave them baths, dried them off and after I took my shower and cleaned up the bathroom, I fed them their dinner. I threw all the towels into the washer for a wash. By the time David came home for dinner, I was lying on the heating pad watching TV in the bedroom and the puppies were all cleaned up, fed, fat and tuckered out from fighting me in the shower. They had fallen asleep on their newly cleaned bedding.

By the way, Pebbles is still with us. David didn't have the heart to take her to the vet and end her life. She barely gets around but she can still move. She has a ferocious appetite when eating but she just can't keep the weight on. This weekend we will be taking her to the vet to see what we should do about her. I will keep y'all posted.

Wet Dog Wednesday

Cutest Ever

There is nothing so cute and funny as Frenchies and laughing babies.

Monday

I just got back from my doctors office. I had to get blood drawn because my white count is up. Well, Yeah!! It's been a bad past few months for me. My white count is going to be up because of my arthritis. He wanted the redraw for a SED Rate and a CBC with a manual differential. Look it up I'll wait.  *crickets* 

Okay, so he wants to see me next month for another SED Rate and CBC. Lovely. I'm so glad we have good insurance. 

Well, the baby birds grew fast and left the nest last week Friday. The mama bird cleaned the nest of any unhatched eggs that should have hatched a week ago. It looks like a vacated apartment. Yet, when I water the hanging basket the mama bird still bitches me out for bothering the nest area. I looked it up on the web and found out the mamma will come back time after time to lay more eggs all year long, something like 7 to 15 times a year. GAWDAYUM!! I'm charging rent.

I have little puppy minds to warp, a house that needs cleaning and laundry. My life is trashed.

Religion in a Nutshell