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Saturday, September 10, 2011

Update - Or How The Fuck Did I Develop This Pain, Episode Five

Well on Thursday I went to get my MRI which was like me, custard, being stuffed into an eclair. Now I know how Techno music got it's start. Try listening to the pings and noisy shit from an MRI machine. It's like listening to Techno at a club. Mmmmkay twenty more minutes of this fucking crap and I'd be humming "What is Love", the long version.

I saw Dr, G. on Friday. Which was a total clusterfuck.  Yeah, it's so wonderful waiting 2 fucking hours for Dr. G.  Hmmmm, maybe I should charge him for my time that I was stuck there waiting in a very uncomfortable chair with my own pillow from home as back support. To make matters worse, I am chucking that pillow for the bedroom only I had fuzzy white pillow shit all over my fat ass, and I'm wearing black pants. When I got up to stretch my legs I asked David if  this fuzzy white shit from the pillow make my ass look huge  I have anything on my ass, like fuzzy white crap from the pillow? He told me no.

Ladies!!! NEVER EVER trust a blind husband. Hell, he lopped off his finger last year on a table saw. I should have known better to ask him anything regarding using his eyesight on my ass. Ooooh, but let some little hottie come into the room....

Anyways, I was praying my ass off to the Goddess that this wouldn't mean another O.R. episode. Well my prayers were answered finally after Dr. G finished looking at almost 20 MRI slides, I kid you not!  He said that my discs in the lumbar area will eventually degenerate to nothing within a few more years, like five or ten. That's something I can change by losing more weight to slow it down.

I'm already ahead of the game cause I joined the hospital's (here in town) Health and Wellness program. So I will be starting on Monday with Arthritic Aquatics and then Conditioning. I want to try Zumba Aquatics too. Got to check that out. There is also a Spinning class,  Zumba, and a Body Sculpting class that I want to take. So I'm in the right direction. Thank the Goddess it's only $40 a month. Personal trainers are $10 an hour. I will be needing one to start off with.

But I've wandered again ... the reason I was in so much fucking pain in my right leg was that I was favoring the right leg after the surgery for the left leg pain in my spine. It was mother fucking Bursitis in the right hip from all that. Well he asked me if it would be okay if he injected my hip with a painkiller/cortisone cocktail and I said FUCK YES, PLEASE DO!

Well he left the room and came back with the crooked, rusty needle with a hook and barbs on the end with "For Veterinary Use Only"written on the syringe full of the stuff. He found  the pain point  by poking and prodding my hip, then he marked the spot by digging his finger into my hip to make a red spot. He could have used one of those fucking pens in his pocket but NOOOOOOOO!  Motherfucker said there will be a little sting - MY ASS!!!  Then he stuck me in the hip with that nasty needle. I think I called him every dirty word that a Longshoreman never heard of and wanted to know about. Everytime I banged on the wall with my hand to redirect the pain, David said Dr. G took one step back from me.  Sticking a needle into a very sensitive place like an inflamed bursa is like taking a hammer and hitting a toe that's got an infected hang nail. Try it! I dare ya. Really, try it.

After he pulled out his pound of flesh from the hooked/barbed needle, he said to relax for a while then to sit up. Okie Dokie Smokie. It took approximately three minutes to start working. I got up and off the table and walked around for a bit. Hmmmm, nice, hardly any pain except for the crater the doc left from the flesh extraction. I was walking to get the cortisone to move around in the Bursa and it was really feeling great. WOW, it was so nice to have no pain there. When the doctor finally came back I asked if he had more of that shit for the rest of my body. Sadly no. But it was a shot pun intended to get more of that good stuff.

He said that if the pain gets worse or doesn't go away in two weeks to give the nurse a call and they would set up another appointment with a Pain Specialist to do the Florascope and injection procedure in the Surgical Center. OOOOOOOOH  NOOOOooooooooooo!!!


  1. I have no words to accurately describe how much I feel for you right now. Needles creep the heck out of me, and I've only ever had one in long enough for an IV drip. It always made me wonder that if the doctor is going to stick a needle that big in you, why not just knock you out with some cheap chloroform. At least that way you only wake up with a headache.

    So does all the rigmarole mean that you're back to walking with a better feeling back?

  2. Faerie and Deb: Right now my right hip feels a little achy but it's like 100% better than yesterday before the shot. At the time when he asked that stupid question about if I wanted the shot, I was ready to tear things apart. I was a raging maniac cause it hurt so bad. Now, not so bad. Since I was laid up in bed the house went to shit so I've been cleaning and doing laundry, I even went outside and was able to water the plants and lawn for a half hour this morning. I could only stand three minutes at best before the shot. I'm soooooooooo fucking grateful for the cortisone, yeppers, you betcha!

  3. I am so sorry you were in that much pain but...the images you chose to go with this entry cracked me up. Sending you healing energy.

  4. Oh honey, I just don't know how you do this shit. The MRI thing was fucking hysterical to me though, being I've had 2 in 3 months time.

    I hope this shit is resolved soon or I WILL come down there and kick some major ass.


let 'er rip

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