MY MINIONS

*********************************************************************************

**************************************************************

Warning! - This Blog May Contain:

violence, terrible grammar, gratuitous sex, strong odors, seed porn, and possibly improper French

Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Fuzzy Children

I trust everyone had a great weekend? Also thank you all for the wonderful anniversary wishes. David went back to work this morning. I don't think he really wanted to go. He gave a heavy sigh when he left. I'm thinking he may decide to retire soon.
After a morning at the dog park - just plain tuckered out
Anywho, on Sunday morning, we took the puppies to the dog park to play for a while. They ran around like they were never there before in their whole fuzzy lives. They ran so much that when we got to the car they ran back into the park and didn't want to go home. We had to tempt them into the car with a promise of Micky-D fries. When we got home, they collapsed and fell asleep in their bed from all the playing.

Really! These are not dogs! They're kids! We adopted them. I don't know when or how but they became our children. But we just can't claim them on our income taxes, yet.
Toys - only half of them - the rest are strewn around the house
These little stinkers have a speech impediment or they're mute, take your pick. They like to wear fuzzy onesies all the fucking time. They will never grow up and need to go to school. Maybe that's a plus for us. They leave little face prints all over the windows in the house and car. They have more toys than any kid in the whole fucking neighborhood. I know because I have to pick them up every morning. Half of them are in the hallway outside of the bathroom. Spunky brings five or six of toys to the bathroom door every morning in order to bribe David not to go to work.
Spunky - aka The Spunkinator, The Spunkster, The Spunkaloid, The Old Man

They make a mess of the house when they rough house by knocking things over. When I yell at them for being too rambunctious, they act like I just spanked them, which I would never do even though I threaten so often to do just that.
Pebbles - aka Skeeter, Gator Bait, Tough Little Shit, Stiffy
They know psychology, how it works, and how to use it against us.  YES! They do! They have a meeting and send the cute one, Lucy, to say they're sorry for something they did, or that they want a snack. Yes! They send Lucy because she uses those cute eyes and that "look" of hers to get what she wants. The cute one, so I'll feel bad and say yes to their demands. I have no negotiating skills whatsoever against her. Lucy can charm the shit out of you. Before you know it she has your keys, your car, and charge cards and she's on her way to VEGAS BABY!
Lucy - aka The Cute Innocent One, Lucifer, The Teaser, Daddy's Girl
They get scared and run to find mommy when daddy is watching some stupid scream slasher movie on cable. They don't like the sounds of screaming, thunder, the trash trucks, loud cars or trucks, or zombies noises from The Walking Dead or Z-Nation. They always come looking for me, sit in the chair with me or under my office chair or desk, and shake which causes an unnatural loss of hair all over the floor. Not mine.

Just like little kids, they want their mommy for everything. I have to play with them, feed them, take them out to run (I can't but they can), bathe them, cuddle with them and save them from zombies. Daddy takes them for rides to the vet, so daddy isn't liked much unless he's bringing home fries or sitting in his easy chair so the puppies can sit with him and sleep. Personally, these little shits are really kids. 


5 comments:

  1. It is so funny that they send Lucy to make amends. Damn smart!

    ReplyDelete
  2. They are awfully cute and extremely lucky to have such loving parents!

    ReplyDelete
  3. join the club! oh the shame of having our lives run by dogs!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Happy Belated Anniversary! I just got back from central Ontario where it was hotter than the hubs of hell. Steamy with humidity too. But still would have probably seemed cool to you Texans.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I was thinking of a comment but our ytj k coon cat kitten (one year old 0 -[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[= 255555/8888888888888888888888 wanted in my lap - she is helping me type 5t8his36

    Oops, kitten on the key board
    the Ol'Buzzard
    *

    ReplyDelete

let 'er rip

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...