Minions Safety Guide

Day 1 Of My Incarceration

Today is Monday. Yes, yes it is and this is officially my first real day of incarceration. Yes, David starts his July 4th vacation today.  This means I have to come running when he wants to show me something on the web. Yeah, he's like me. Don't get me wrong here. We both love to web surf the web like crazy, but his surfing is interrupted with bouts of Jerry Springer and Maury.

I don't mind the fact that he watches this crap, but he tends to play it LOUD. So loud that I have trouble concentrating. Even with my earphones on I can hear that shit. So just like last time, I'm taking up refuge in the living room away from the noise. But I will have company because the puppies follow mommy everywhere.

Anywho, I had him take down the broken bird feeder from the pecan tree Saturday. He also cut the pecan tree branches from the power line to the house. Today, he has an appointment with the CT machine for his left kidney. I'm hoping there is nothing wrong but you never know. Other than that David is going to be maxin and relaxin all week long unless he goes to Home Desperate to drool.

Sunday evening, I made a dump cake for dessert. Yes, I know, I know. I fucking love to bake. But last night I was tired. So, I dumped blueberry pie filling and 2 cups of fresh blueberries. Then I dumped the yellow cake mix, dry, from the box over the berries and topped the dry cake mix with thin sliced pats of butter. Throw the whole thing into a 350-degree oven for 50 minutes, or until the butter is melted into the dry mix and created a cookie topping that is lightly browned.

Well, while we were watching "Gone Girl" on HBO Demand, The fucking fire alarm went off. That fucker is loud. The puppies came running from the kitchen. and they were shaking their heads because of the loud screaming of the alarm. It was very offensive to their ears.

There wasn't a single thing on fire. Not even a billowing of smoke. It was the heat in the room next to the kitchen that had the alarm going off. It was just too fucking hot in there, so we turned the window AC on to cool off the room. I never heard the end of that episode either. David kept saying I had conjured up the fires of Hell to bake that fucking dump cake.

I think I'm going to have to look for a grave site, buy some duct tape, and find his shovel out in his shed. I have the tarp, so I'm just about set. David might have a very short vacation.

Funny Religious Shit

Silly Sign Saturday

Reverse Graffiti

A few years ago when David and I were on one of our little trips around Texas, we saw this really cool environmental mural on the side of an underpass on the highway. I can't for the life of me remember where it was exactly, but I remembered it when I saw this picture on the internet yesterday.

Well it got me wondering if there was anything on Youtube.com similar to this and I found the same picture as above in a video on Reverse Graffiti. RG is when an artist uses clean rags or power washers to clean off dirt on concrete or metal surfaces to produce a picture without spray paints. It's better for the environment. At least someone is thinking out there.

Friday Funny

Wet Cat Wednesday

Tickle Me Tuesday

The River Is Up

It's been raining for the past few days like clockwork around here. Yesterday it rained so hard that we ended up getting almost 2 inches in an hour. The windows are constantly fogged up because the humidity is so high.

I saw some footage on the news that the dam at Canyon Lake is releasing 10 times more water into the river than usual. The lake is near overflowing from all the rain these past weeks. So the river is flowing high and fast. That means there is no tubing on the river this part of summer. But there are white water rafters and kayakers taking advantage and enjoying themselves.

This is the Power Plant Texas Grill (nice restaurant). It was the very first power plant in Seguin. You can see the river pouring over the spillway through the tower. Usually, you can walk over the water steps as we call them. The water from the Guadalupe is just pouring over them. You can barely make them out.

You can see Lucy was along for the ride yesterday. Here is a picture of the river to show how far up it is. The trees on the other side have their trunks halfway covered. They sit on the bank of the river and you can generally see their exposed roots when the water is at normal height.

 In other news, David's tomatoes are going gangbusters in the garden. We have 35 tomatoes now. In the picture above you can count 12 of them.

These are as big as my palm. We should be picking some more tomatoes this weekend.

Speaking of which, David will be off for the whole week during a plant shutdown for the July 4th week. I call it my incarceration time because he will be bothering me every chance he gets. But I won't mind the first few days. Just around Wednesday is when I get crazy. I hide about that time to escape him. So, it should be fairly interesting.

Funny Religious Shit

Silly Sign Saturday

Friday Funny

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"?  Well, here’'s a prime example offered by an English professor at an American University.

In-class Assignment for Wednesday: "Today we will experiment with a new form called the  tandem story.  The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the  person sitting to his or  her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the  story.The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth.
Remember to re-read what has been  written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking and anything you wish to say must be written on the paper. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."
The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:
Rebecca and Gary - last names deleted.

---

STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca) 
At first, Laurie couldn’t decide which kind of tea she wanted.  The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of  Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

---

(Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon  4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S.  Harris to  Geostation 17," he said into his trans-galactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship’s cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

---

(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he  felt one last pang of regret  for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her.She stared out  the window, dreaming of her youth - when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree,  with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one’s innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

---

(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu’udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty, the Anu’udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet.With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie, and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can’t allow this!  I’m going to veto that treaty!  Let’'s blow ‘em out of the sky!"

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(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.

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(Gary)
Yeah? Well, you’'re a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of FUCKING TEA??? Oh no. I'’m such an air headed bimbo who reads too many  Mills &  Boon  novels."

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(Rebecca)
Asshole!

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(Gary)
Bitch!

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(Rebecca)
FUCK YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!

Vegan Black Metal Chef

I was playing around in Youtube.com and I came across this dude. He's so cool. He's the Vegan Black Metal Chef!!
This dude even has a great blog - http://veganblackmetalchef.com/ . So go check him out and have some fun cooking vegan.
If you don't like heavy metal music, just turn down the sound. He has subtitles on his videos.

I Hate Elevators

LG set up this prank in 2012. It was too real looking for me. When I saw this, I nearly died just watching it. I hate elevators. This would make me scream bloody murder.

Tropical Storm Bill Is Lookin To Visit Texas

Southeastern and parts of central and south central Texas will be under a flash flood watch for the next 3 to 4 days according to our weather service. NOAA is saying that we should be prepared for flash flooding in low-lying areas as creek beds and rivers will fill bank to bank in our part of Texas, that is from San Antonio to Austin to Houston. Yikes!

Yes!! Tropical Storm Bill is out in the Gulf of Mexico, heading for Texas. Who knows what will happen. But it don't look too good for the areas still trying to dry out from the rain storms that hit 2 weeks ago. Most of east Texas is still trying to get their lives back in order. David and I are much too far from the coast for it to hurt us, But I still worry.

Funny Religious Shit

Silly Sign Saturday

Spunky Is A Better Actor Than Most Hollywood A-Listers

This morning The Spunkinator refused to get out of bed. When his most royal pain in the ass did finally awaken. He stretched profusely, meaning most cats don't even stretch that much, jeez! But I had a feeling that he had been milking all the special loving care that I heaped upon him the past few days. I decided to take his little ass outside to see just how much acting he could muster.

I started by sweeping out the courtyard while the fuzzy babies were busy checking for cats and squirrels. Then I turned on the hose and squirted whatever dust and dirt lay on the bricks. After that, I watered the planters and then the puppies. Yes! Yes, I did. I watered the puppies but good.

Spunkers can't resist the spray of water. He goes out of his way to pretty much get it right in the mouth. Sorta like the above picture. Yes, I figured the little Oscar nominee was milking it from the get go. He wasn't bad at his acting, but yesterday afternoon when David came home for lunch and The Spunkiloid was playing fetch, I had a hunch.

You see, as soon as David left to go back to work, Spunky wasn't as spunky anymore. He was back in the "sick mode" again. So this morning I called his bluff and the rest is history. But I have to say, the little fucker had me believing for a while.

This weekend we are expecting some rain. I sure hope so. NOT for the rained out flooded areas in Texas, but for those that would like it or need it. Farmers, ranchers, and people like me. I love the rain. Goddess knows we still need it here in my part of Texas.

Vintage Rose

David and I are going to hit the local plant nurserys for new geraniums, petunias, begonias and such. He owes me some plants that he let die while I was down because of my back. We are taking his truck this time because there is so much to buy. I can't lift the potting soil and some of the heavier plants so I'm bringing him along not just for his looks but for his muscles. I bought 2 beautiful hanging baskets from one of my Plant Porn catalogs online. It was a sweet deal too. I am now looking for my favorite petunias to put into them. The 2 I love most are the Suncatcher Vintage Rose trailing petunia and the Mochaccino petunia. But I'll settle for the Raspberry Ice.

Mochaccino

They look nearly the same color but when you put them together they are very different. The are cottage color flowers and I'm hoping to find them again. Might be a while because it was a real hunt for them last time.

I Got A Scare Yesterday

Spunky sleeping on his bed.

Spunky is still a bit under the weather. I think his age has a lot to do with it too. He's nearly 12 years next month. Yesterday morning he scared the shit out of me. I came in to open the drapes and windows a 6:30 a.m and the girls (Lucy and Pebbles)and I went out to water and play. Spunky usually sleeps in until 7 and then comes out to join me as I water the potted garden plants in the courtyard from the rain barrels. I decided to go check on the little guy because he was still inside.

Tired old man. He went right back to sleep after this picture.

When I walked into the house I called his name and there was no answer. So I went to check on him. He was still in bed so I went to roust him out of his bed and he didn't move. I was really scared. I thought that he had died in his sleep. I found out the little guy was just sleeping really hard. He was in a deep, deep sleep. Dude scared me bad. I just left him alone. He's fine but lethargic right now, but I'm keeping my eye on the little guy.

I called the vet and he told me that if he doesn't eat today and feels the same tomorrow, to bring him in right away. I'm crossing my fingers that he gets better. It just bothers me that we could lose him.

Wet Dog Wednesday