A Day in My Life

Yesterday morning I was sitting in the living room reading the Washington Post online and the quiet is interrupted by a honking horn. It was repeatedly honking then it would stop and start honking. So I got up to look outside, no cars or pickup trucks in the area. I was heading back to the laptop and heard it again. I happened to look over by our open-air garage and see David fiddling with my car. I went outside and he's trying to hook the car battery back up and the car alarm goes off every time he tries to attach the cables. I yelled for him to stop and he looks at me dumbfounded. 

"What the hell?" he says as he puts the one cable on the battery terminal. "It keeps doing that." He has a silly look of amazement as he takes it off the terminal and the honking stops. I asked if he tried to turn off the alarm which he sarcastically says, "what do you think?"

So I turned around went inside and grabbed my set of keys from my purse and walked outside and just as he puts the cable to the terminal I hit the off button on my key and the headlights strobe and the honking stops. I look at him and say, "it's a fucking miracle!" He

said he tried to turn it off with the key buttons but it wouldn't work. I asked which button did he push and he said the panic button and then all of them. I just shook my head in disbelief and said you have to hit the button that shows the padlock opened, nothing else, just that button. "But I pressed that button and it didn't stop." So I asked if he got a new battery and he said that it was weird. He went into the auto parts store and put the battery on the counter. The clerk asked what David's birthdate was and name. He told the clerk the information and started to ask if he would test the battery. Before he could say one word the guy took the battery and gave David a brand new one. No money changed hands. David was dumbfounded and then asked why he didn't check the battery. They have a 30-day guaranty and no charge for a new replacement during that time. So David brought it home and the rest is history. So, this morning he started the car up and drove it to go get gas and came home no problem. We both agree that it has to be the alternator that is the problem if the car doesn't start the next time. We already changed out the starter. So time will tell. But I have to say it was so gratifying when I came outside with my set of keys and turned off the car alarm just like that. The look on his face was priceless. You had to be there. It's a wifey thing.

Today, David is wearing clothes. Yes. Yes, he is. Jeans and a polo shirt. Since he has been terminated from his office, he has been wearing his black shorts that go down to his knees, a white t-shirt, along with a pair of his Copper Fit compression black socks and Birkenstocks. This is his "old fart look." He reminds me of the old guys in Florida that wear this kind of outfit all the time as they sweep the beaches with their metal detectors. It's silly. He went outside to get the mail like that. When he came inside I said, "have you no shame?" He wondered what I meant. I said, "why don't you put on some clothes for christ's sake." He asked, "why, what for?" I give up. He's going to drive me to drink or I'm going to have to knock over a bank just to have a hobby. Otherwise, I'm going to kill him. That's it! I'll have to kill him. But then I think of the consequences. I'm much too pretty for prison life.

Y'all have a magical day.