Start With A Joke

OH Oh! Before you go any further reading today's mess, I have a joke for y'all.

Marriage Humor

Wife: "What are you doing?"
Husband: "Nothing."
Wife: "Nothing . . . ? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour."
Husband: "I'm looking for the expiration date."


If this didn't at least make ya smile, then I give up on this job.

SEED PORN

Anywho, LOOK! Seed Porn! YES! I got like seven catalogs of seed porn in the last 3 days. It's magnificent! These guys find out you like seed porn . . . it's like a virus! It just keeps coming in the mail like forever. 

Notice the escaped chicken behind the counter

Okay, on to not so better things. I am having a cooking crisis. I can't seem to cook at all this week. Everything that I have made for dinner has ended up really nasty. Last night was the last straw. The salt shaker came apart and the whole thing ended up in my meatloaf as I was blending it in the mixer. I use sausage meat and lean hamburger and blend it together with my Kitchenaid mixer using the big paddles. That way things get sufficiently mixed together. Well, there was no way to save that so it ended up in the trash and I had to go shopping and get everything to start over. 

Things seemed to go great. Until, yeah, the oven timer refused to work properly. The meat loaf burned, the baked potatoes burned. The built in oven timer was stuck on the first minute and didn't turn the oven off when it was supposed to. I have used that oven timer so many times before and everything would turn out perfect. The oven would turn off and the timer would let me know with the alarm. My meatloaves and casseroles would always come out perfect. Not dry, nothing over or undercooked. 

My cool oven timer from Amazon

I can still use the stove and the oven, I just have to check on things and use my old timer that I used with the previous oven before we replaced it with the new one. Remembering to carry it around with me fucking sucks.

So, I give up on cooking for the rest of this month. David will just have to eat dinner from a can. I'm not taking any more chances this week. I'm making canned chili tonight. Nothing flashy. Heating everything in the microwave oven. I blame this past week on the Mercury retrograde direct station. Don't understand that? Google it! Poke me, I'm done!