MY MINIONS

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Wednesday, June 15, 2011

The Crazy Witch's Daybook

My current mood today is: My Unkymood Punkymood (Unkymoods) again. I'm just waiting for Friday cause I get to see the doc about my back surgery follow-up. Lately my legs are giving my ass a whole fucking lot of trouble. They feel like someone it sending a charge of electricity from my back to my toes and then back up again. It's really starting to piss me off.

My Diet : is failing my fat fluffy ass so I took the ticker off my blog. I have decided to go with the flow. Last time I did that I lost 85 lbs. in 7 months along with my gallbladder. That was a fine fucking how do you do. My mother, the bitch, and I say that not in a respectable tone showed her true colors that night. But I digress and that will be a Mushroom Print post like very fucking soon I can guarantee that.

What's going on at Casa de Loco:  Let's see ... well four days ago, David almost lopped off another finger while playing with the new bird feeder he bought online. He's such an online-buy-every-fucking-thing-that-we-talk-about-whore. Well he bought this thing that has a weighted perch for the birds that will close if a squirrel lands on it and it closes the feed access with a quick bang. He was playing with the counter weight and it popped his fingers. Needless to say I said I was gonna let him bleed to death this time for putting his fingers where they don't belong. Ewww! That sounds fucking disgusting. What did I get on the Clean Meter(TM) so far?

Oh yeah, Pebbles had a run in with a cat yesterday morning. Told David about it when he came home from work for lunch. Well, story goes that I let the two girls, Pebbles and Lucy, outside to go to the potty and all of a sudden I heard a scream. I went to the doorway to the courtyard to see what all the bitching was all about. Pebbles had the back leg of a little grey cat in her mouth and she wasn't letting go any fucking time soon. For some reason either the cat was retarded or Pebbles had it just so that it couldn't turn around to scratch her in the face. So I yelled for Pebs to let it go and she did. The cat really was fucking retarded cause it ran into the chain link fence twice before climbing it to get away. All I could do was stand there laughing my fucking ass off cause of the stupid cat and what I was thinking was Pebs nearly had pussy for breakfast. I almost fell down from laughing so hard. I couldn't see the steps to the back door of the kitchen. Haven't seen the cat since either.


The weather here in Texas:  FUCKING HOT!! OKAY?!  
Yes it's like a fucking furnace out here. So far we are under Stage 1 Water Restriction. That means water your shit to cool it the fuck off before 10 am in the morning and after 8pm at night. Poor San Antonio is begging for the wet shit. They are under Stage 3 Water Restriction. Which means tough fucking shit. Y'all should live near a real river, you retarded dumb fucks.
Things are melting

It's so fucking hot even the dogs don't want to go outside. We really need some rain bad. I think it's time for some witchy intervention. Last time I did it we got rain for three days. It was so nice.

What's for din din: BBQ Chicken, it tastes like cat. It's a running joke with David and me. The puppies love when I make chicken cause I always give them some of mine. I always tell them we're having cat for dinner. It really fucks them up. Probably why Pebbles caught that cat.
"Here momma, skin it and fry it up yummmm!"
Sooo sorry all you cat lovers out there. BWAAHAHAHAAhahahahaahahaaa! Maybe not!

2 comments:

  1. Uggg, I'm sorry about the pain girl. I'd be a wicked bitch if I had to deal with that crap.

    I don't wanna rub it in or anything....but it was a humid free 80 degrees here at the Jersey Shore : )

    ReplyDelete
  2. I love that ice cream truck picture and may steal it at a future date when the desert with sprinklers I live in finally starts really heating up. I hope the pain gets better- bitch slap the doctor and tell him to get you the good pain meds like the ones the nurse steals for their 'cousin'.

    ReplyDelete

let 'er rip

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