MY MINIONS

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Warning! - This Blog May Contain:

violence, terrible grammar, gratuitous sex, strong odors, seed porn, and possibly improper French

Friday, June 29, 2012

Friday Funny



There was a bit of confusion at the store this morning. When I was ready to pay for my groceries, the cashier said, "Strip down facing me."
Making a mental note to complain to my congressman about Homeland Security running amok, I did just as she had instructed.
When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out that she was referring to my credit card.
I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.
They need to make their instructions to us seniors a little clearer!


Thursday, June 28, 2012

Air Show Disaster


AIRCRAFT HITS FOUR BUILDINGS
 
This is tough to watch. It just shows the dangers of attending these events.
Amazing photo below shows great detail. The pilot at low level had no control  over his aircraft. It narrowly misses a crowd gathered for the air show and slams into four buildings. One can only imagine the horror of the occupants inside those buildings.




  



No one was killed but, probably scared the crap out of them!

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

This Is For Jersey Devil And Her BFF's

 BWAHAHAHAHAAHAAHAHAHAAAA!!!!

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

I Have to Show Y'all My Sun Catchers I Made

A while back I posted an Easy Peezy Sun Catcher crafty idea for summer. Go ahead, take a quickie look see. That sucker has taken more than 320 hits so far. Well there are a few things I want to fix on that rascal before I show you my sun catchers that I made this past weekend.

#1. When you figure out what type of shapes you want, make sure it's made of either Teflon or any metal that your bakeware comes in. I want to make this clear so y'all don't go using any of that high temperature rubber stuff as a mold. Also use pans with unique shapes. I used my two pineapple upside down cake molds for the tiny suns and flowers hanging from the two bigger heart and round shaped cake molds. It looked cool. Also please make sure you use beads that are clear. Solid colored beads don't cut it. Also you can use any shape beads together; just as long as they are nearly the same size for melting. Bigger round beads take a heck of a lot longer to melt down flat.

#2. You do NOT need to spray with Pam or put any kind of layer of grease in the pan. We are dealing with plastic beads here. These little things will not stick to the metal pans.

#3. DO NOT  put the pans in cool water to cool them off faster.  The plastic that has melted will curl and it wont be pretty. Just take the pans out of the oven when the plastic is fully melted flat and place the pans either on a marble counter top or a pot holder. The plastic will start to shrink in the pan and it's fun to watch. The plastic will pop out on it's own. If you have long wooden skewers use them to get any molded plastic out that might be stuck because of an air bubble. Don't use metal skewers because it will mess up your pans and scratch the  plastic.

#4. I know I said to use a single layer of plastic beads in the pans but that was because the recipe called for it. Put a shit load in there. At least 2 to 3 layers of beads. It makes for a sturdier sun catcher that won't break so easily when or if bad weather knocks it down outside. You will have to leave the pans in longer but if you start them on the top part of the oven while another bunch is finishing up on the bottom part of the oven, it saves time. Also you DO have to eyeball this stuff. Don't even bother to time it cause beads 3 layers thick are going to take longer.

#5. I will stress this more than anything in the world ... MAKE THIS STUFF IN THE WINTER WHEN IT'S COLD !!!!! I liked to have died of the heat from sitting in the kitchen. No amount of cool air from an air conditioner is going to keep you from passing out. I had to go lay down on the couch in the cool living room just to finish this shit. The smell of melting plastic is also dangerous so really, when I say open your windows in the kitchen; YOU BETTER DAMNED WELL OPEN THEM OR DIE!!!

Now for the pictures of my two sun catchers I made this weekend. You will see little air bubbles in them, that's natural. Some of  the pictures are a little blurry because the breeze was blowing them. But they turned out really nice. David was impressed too.









Monday, June 25, 2012

Them Crazy Jersey Bitches Need Bail Money

I'm still laughing at a comment on a post I made from last week. Well it seems Hippy Jersey Devil made a little comment about a certain handsome Texas homeboy. Yeppers and he is in a movie that came out just recently. Yeah I'm talking Magic Mike with our own Texas homeboy Matthew McConaughey. MMMM mmmm YUMMY!!! And Channing Tatum!!! DAYUM!!!!





Well HJD and five of her BFF's are going to see the movie soon and then they are hitting a a Drag Queen joint after the movie. Now the big reason I am saying all this is that these crazy bitches are in for all kinds of trouble. And HJD has asked me to kindly start up a bail money fund for them. SO, if you are in a kindly state of mind, please donate anything ya got in your bank accounts, any spare change, a few hundred dollar bills if you are so inclined.
No first born, please. I don't take children. 
If you do I will give them an esspreso and a Mastiff puppy to bring home to you. Yes, yes I will. I'm kinda like that ya know.

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Funny Christian Shit


Friday, June 22, 2012

Friday Funny

 A Baptist Preacher was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Texas.

After the plane took off, the cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he would like a drink.

Appalled, the preacher replied, "I'd rather be tied up and taken advantage of by women of ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips."

The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."

Thursday, June 21, 2012

What I Think I Do


Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Just a Note To Keep Y'all Up To Date

Who am I kidding!!?  Y'all know I don't write notes on here unless it's a picture I want to share. 
Anywho I just got off the phone with my Working Dead hubster, David. Yeah he's working his tail off.  Poor dear. He nearly drove me bat shit city crazy this past weekend asking me to look at this, look at that, what do you think. I'd liked to nearly kill him for bothering me while I was playing Witch Bubble on Facebook. He loves for me to comment on his work no matter what. The man lives for my nice comments. Hey he does fine work. What else can I say.


I was playing that silly game Witch Bubble. Fucker is addictive!!! I have no idea if my friends are getting the extra lives that they ask for from me. I have eleven fucking lives to give. So my question is this. Is Facebook stealing these lives from some dumbass who isn't paying attention? Cause the count on my hearts isn't changing worth a shit! Also I have no idea if my friends are getting these extra lives they ask for when I hit that "Sure I'll give you a shitload of lives" button. I never see them calling me names on their FB pages so I'm guessing they are getting what I hit those buttons for. I'm up to #158 on the game. Told y'all I was a junky, shit!! Besides, when I can't sleep at night from my aches and pains, I play the shit  out of this game. Or else I go on Pinterest and screw around for five or six hours. 


I'm a Pinhead. Yes, yes I am and I'm proud of it too. So there, nyah !! David has told me I can't play in Pinterest until all my exercises are completed. Hell, I do them cause I know if I don't I'll be stiff as a board. So I get things done then I can play. Well it's not so much playing as using Pinterest to finding cool crafty shit to make and meals to try out,  pictures to make into posters and I can pin this shit on Pinterest and keep from overloading my computer with it. I also find new bloggers from the pins I find. So to me it's worth my time.


I also find some great books to put on my "Must Read This Shit" list. I have already twenty seven books I need to read. They also have some great cleaning tips from bloggers I found if you want to Clean Green. I'm collecting all these hints and tips and putting them in a little book I made. I try these things out first to make sure they work. I have these little notes on green cleaning tryouts all over my fridge. David says he needs to get  me a bulletin board because we don't have enough magnets to hold them all up there with. Everytime he closes the fridge, everything falls off. It's not hard to make a few colorful magnets. Something new for me to make.


The puppies are taking the early summer pretty hard. It gets into the 90's by noon. They want to go out at every chance the door opens but come back something like ten seconds later when they find out it's too fucking hot! The only time they go out and stay longer is if I go to get the mail. The girls love going out the front door because they can chase cats out of the garden. When they finish doing that they come back inside with me feeling all important. Otherwise, they're all spread eagle on the floor cooling off because I keep the AC at 80. Poor Spunky is almost completely blind now. He uses the girls or me to find his toys for him. Otherwise he runs around sniffing for them. Poor baby boy.
Spunky, when he was younger

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Funny Christian Shit

God playing with his Meteorite yo-yo



Friday, June 15, 2012

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Harry Potter Wands For Kids Easy Peezy Pumpkin Squeezy

You will need:
Glue sticks and hot glue gun
Chop sticks
Beads
Acrylic paint in brown, black or white

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Monday, June 11, 2012

Zumba How We Look


Sunday, June 10, 2012

Friday, June 8, 2012

Friday Funny


Thursday, June 7, 2012

Sidewalk Chalk Made Easy Peezy Pumpkin Sqeezy

I found this great idea that grown-ups can make for their kids this summer. The recipe is very simple. I found it over at http://theladybugsgarden-stephanie.blogspot.com/2011/10/sidewalk-chalk-one-of-our-favorite.html . I love this blog because she has a few great ideas.


What you will need:
•    Toilet paper or paper towel tubes
•    Scissors
•    Duct tape
•    Wax paper
•    Small bucket or disposable container to make the recipe
•    ¾ cup of warm water
•    1 ½ cups Plaster of Paris
•    2-3 tablespoons of tempera paint
•    Paper bag or a “mess mat”
** we made six tubes of chalk – we simply doubled the above recipe.**

Step 1: If you are using paper towel tubes, cut each tube in half, so it is roughly the length of a toilet paper roll tube.
Step 2: Cover one end of each tube with duct table to hold the contents within.
Step 3: Cut as many pieces of wax paper as you have tubes. Roughly 6 inches X 6 inches. Roll the wax paper loosely and insert into the tubes so as to effectively line the tubes. The top of the wax paper will be higher than the tubes. The wax paper liner will keep the chalk mixture from sticking to the cardboard tubes and will eventually be peeled off.
Step 4: Pour the warm water into your bucket. Sprinkle the Plaster of Paris over the water and stir the mixture with a plastic spoon. The Plaster of Paris roughly starts hardening within 20-30 minutes, so you need to work fast so that it does not harden too quickly.

Step 5: Next you will want to pour the tempera paint into the Plaster of Paris mixture and stir so that it is mixed thoroughly. If you would like brighter colors  add more tempera paint into the mixture. We wanted to make a variety of colors of chalk, so we spooned about 1/2-3/4 cup of Plaster of Paris in each separate container and mixed in the different tempera paint colors into each bowl. We ended up making six different colors and next time might mix more.

Step 6: Stand each tube with the tape side down on a cookie sheet/flat baking dish/box lid to make the project easier to transport to a drying location.  Pour or spoon the colored Plaster of Paris mixture into the wax paper lined tubes. Lightly tap the sides of the tubes to release the air bubbles (so you do not have holes in your chalk). After you have poured the mixture into the tubes start another color. When done trim the excess wax paper so that it is closer to the cardboard tube.


Step 7: It took 3 days for our chalk to dry. On the last day, we peeled off the duct tape so that the underside could dry. When the chalk dries, peel off the paper tubes and wax paper. Your chalk is ready!

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