MY MINIONS

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violence, terrible grammar, gratuitous sex, strong odors, seed porn, and possibly improper French

Saturday, August 31, 2013

A New Goddess

This morning I went to Facebook to check out the chatter. I saw the following Rites which were written by Kallan Kennedy on her page. If you don't get to giggling because of this then you definitly are still asleep and in need of the sacred elixir of life.

                                      

                                  Rites of Caffeina 

                                                by Kallan Kennedy 


Having drawn down the Goddess Caffeina... 

'Listen to the words of the Great Mother, she who of old was 
called "Cafe, Columbian Bean, Best Part of Wakin Up, Good to the Last Drop and by many other names" 

Whenever you have need of a pickmeup, and better it be when you've had no sleep, you shall assemble in front of the coffee maker or percolator, and adore the great bean before grinding it. You shall 
take some sacred water and pour it into the Divine Device; 

You shall then take the sacred ground bean and gently place it into the holey filter;you shall then close the lid and push the button marked ON. 

You shall then be partake of the sacred elixir of life, and learn the mystery of My Ways. 

You shall be free from the bondage of sleepiness and draggy buttox, and as a sign of your freedom, you shall type 300 wpm and dance around your dwelling chanting "CoffEE coffEE coffEE" 

For my law is the law of hyperactivity. 

I am the Gracious Goddess of Cafeination and my love is poured out into the coffee mug. 

And you who seek to know me, know that your seeking and yearning will avail you not should you attempt to use decaf. 

For behold, I have been with you from the beginning of the morning, and I am that which is attained at the end of the brewing." 


6 comments:

  1. Hahahahahahaha Thats fantastic!!!!

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  2. I LOVE my Tim Horton's. It is what gets me through my working nights. The staff in there know me and are gentle and kind while I stand there like an idiot (pre-coffee) and try to remember why I am standing there. "Oh, yeah...large double double, please!"

    That is Canadian speak for a large coffee, 2 cream, 2 sugar.

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  3. Love it, LOL! So THAT'S what it's called -- "draggy buttox". Now I know.

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  4. PS- I just started my shift for the night and ordered a LARGE coffee. It will get me through the night without getting too tired, I hope.

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  5. On my second cup of the Elixir of life AKA COFFEE, my left eye is finally open now.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Love it! I'm actually currently downing my first cup of the day. Can't function until this ritual is complete.

    ReplyDelete

let 'er rip

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