The Crazy Witch's Daybook

My mood: I feel vivacious today. David went back to work, yes, yes he did. I already cleaned house and started laundry. I feel liberated from the tyranny of Maury, Jerry and stupid movies all day long that he watched.

You wouldn't believe me if I told you the stupid shit that was on TV last week and this week that I saw him watching. One was "Dude, Where's My Car?" I know that it's a cult film but shit almighty. David is not a stupid man and yet he loves to watch trashy shit on the TV. So I am very greatfull  he is gone for the rest of the week until the weekend. Then it will be another round of Trash TV. Shit! Just kill me now.

What my silly ass is up to right now: I was looking for funny books to order for my Christmas present. My step daughter and David both gave me very generous Amazon credit cards. I was trolling the books lists and came upon this, "Fifty Shades of Chicken: A Parody in a Cookbook". What is so damned funny is the video when you scroll down to the book's description. You've just got to play that video.
http://www.amazon.com/Fifty-Shades-Chicken-Parody-Cookbook/dp/0385345224/ref=lp_86_1_9?ie=UTF8&qid=1357054656&sr=1-9
It's way too funny.

Crazy shit I need to do today: Other than Amazon shopping, cleaning house has been a sport this morning. I'm walking around without my walker now and have graduated to my cane. But with all the crap that I've been having to carry and move it's been a bit of a sport trying to stay upright and not fall over and crack a hole in the floor with my fat ass. That's right I'm not using the cane. I'm walking without any help except the walls, chairs and other strategically set out items to keep me from falling. I walk like an off balanced old lady of 90. I swear!

Hey, before you scream at my lame ass for being so stupid, my arms are full of things I'm putting away. David didn't so much as touch a single dust rag, broom, vacuum or mop the whole week and two days he was home. The dust bunnies are getting ready for their next family reunion and I'm constantly picking up all the toys the puppies keep dragging out to play with. Only I can put a stop to the chaos and madness around here! Where's my cape? I must have put it in the last wash load. Crap! I need to lighten up on the pain killers. I'm seeing crazy shit again.