It's Monday, Deal With It

David bought an Ancestry DNA pack for himself a few weeks ago. He got the results and showed me. Here is his.

He told me about it and wanted to buy me one. Soooo, I said yeah, sure. Well, he had already bought one for me. A week later I got the package in the mail, opened, read the directions and left it on the coffee table for a week. The whole time it was sitting on the table David kept asking me are you going to do it? Did ya do it yet? When are you going to do it? I said soon, don't rush me, every time. Yeah, I love torturing the man. I finally spit in the damned cup and mixed it like the directions said to do and then sent it off. All the time though that David kept nagging me to get the thing done, I came up with the idea of having Lucy drool in the cup while I held a treat in front of her. Yes, I know, I know. I'm evil. So what. Well, I told David I would mix Lucy's drool with my spit and send it off like that if he didn't stop hounding me about it. I'd get the results in an email, that would say, you are of canine origin, werewolf to be exact.  Your roots emanate east of the Carpathian mountains from the Transilvania region. Two days later I'd have The Enquirer trying to get an interview with me. It did occur to me that someone probably already mixed their spit with dog drool and sent it in before I had the idea. Anywho, when the results are emailed to me I will show y'all that I'm most likely Northern European or German. Fuck the Norwegian roots my mother said I have. Shit, I could be a Heinz 57 for all I care.

On Saturday, David finally cut the lawn or as I say mulched the lawn because he has a mulching lawn mower. Ar, Ar, more power! Yeah, he doesn't rake leaves he mulches them to death. Pecans and all. After that, he came in and we watched the Texas vs Oklahoma game. It was for the Big 12 championship. Well, I'm guessing Texas didn't feel much like playin because they lost the game. Pussies! David was pissed. So he stormed outside and proceeded to cut all the Esperanza down to the ground. I have been wanting him, nagging him to cut them down ever since we had our first freeze a few weeks ago. Really? It takes a losing game for him to get things done? I should get him mad more often. Then he came stomping into my kitchen, growling to himself, taking measurements of the kitchen walls. I'm hoping it's for the baseboards he has to buy. Goddess knows what he could be cooking up because he never tells me anything until he's already done it without asking first. Yeah, then after he's done the deed he asks me just like a little boy who asks his mom for a cookie when he's hiding four cookies behind his back.  Sometimes he reminds me of Tim Allen's Caveman routine when he did standup. Yeah, that's David. Sometimes he sounds like this man.