Friday Funny

A Bad Day

There I was sitting at a bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.
"Well, whatcha gonna do about it?" he says menacingly, as I burst into tears.
"Come on man," the biker says, " I didn't think you'd cry. I can't stand to see a man crying."

"This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete failure. I was late for a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have insurance. I left my wallet in the cab that I took. I found my old lady in bed with the gardener and then my dog bit me. So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; then you, you jackass, show up and drink the whole thing! But enough about me, how's your day going?"

Friday Funny

It's Friday Dammbit!!!!

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguinson the ice in Antarctica? Where do they go? Wonder no more ! ! ! It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualisticbird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.  If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried. The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing: "Freeze a jolly good fellow." "Freeze a jolly good fellow."  Then, they kick him in the ice hole.

Weekend Jester

Kim Kardashian had her fat butt x-rayed to prove it was real with no implants. 

Well they took a look at the x-rays and found two more Kardashian sisters.

Tacky Joke Tuesday

Chapped Lips

On a hot, dusty day a cowboy rode into a small frontier town. After dismounting, he walked behind his horse, lifted it's tail and kissed it where the sun don't shine. An old man rocking by the general store witnessed the whole thing.

"Whudd'ya do that fer?" he asked.

"Got chapped lips," the cowboy replied.

The old man asked, "Does that help?"

The cowboy said, "Nope, but it keeps me from lickin' 'em