I Have The Flu - EEWWW EYUCK!

MMmmmmmmmkay... first, this is from yesterday's posting. I was wondering just how many of you that read the Wet Dog Wednesday "World Domination Cat", can't get that disgusting sound of saying "Who's a cute kitty?" out of their head. Oh, just a few of you? I'll bet all of you who went to check to see that cat just now will be thinking of that sound the rest of the day. I had to suffer with it and you can too!

Anywho, I'm on day two of my heavenly flu. Yes, I have thrown up stuff all the way from back in high school. All I have left are my toes and I really want to keep them. One good thing though, my insomnia is gone. I slept most of the night between the shower and the toilet. More like passed out from exhaustion and lack of fluids.

David got me some stuff to help fight the flu. He brought home some Gatorade and  Theraflu. I'd rather drink antifreeze but then Gatorade is just that, right?

I'm still a bit tired and worn out so my dears...please take care and I'll hopefully be back by Monday. I've set up the posts for the next few days to automatically be posted through my computer. Don't worry I'll be fine as frog hair split four ways, or something like that.

Wet Dog Wednesday

Insomnia Has Taken Over

Sorry about yesterday folks. I know I sorta kinda promised to post every day but insomnia has taken over my life. Sleeping pills don't even work. Not to mention David pissed me off over the weekend and the puppies are acting like bitches on the rag.

This is day three without sleep for me. I'm fine but this migraine is about to make me a widow. David was outside torturing the roses and other bushes. I left him to do what I thought would be harmless pruning.

He did what I wanted which was pruning back the roses and my white jasmines. He went WAY to far when he cut back my wisteria that was trailing on the fence.

I screamed when I saw what he did to it. It will take years to get back to the way it was. I worked hard on that little tree. Lovingly weaving the vines through the fence. Now it's all for nothing. To bad I live in a farming community, otherwise there might be more places to hide a body.

On to other things ... the puppies are acting like the whole world is going to break into the house and steal their toys. They bark at the slightest noise. They have hidden all their toys, well let's just say only the really good ones they like best, under their blankets. Every night it's the same ol' deal. I have to pick up their blankets and cart an armful and a half of toys back to their toy box. The next morning the toys are all peaking out from under the dogs and the blankets. It's a vicious cycle.

I'm throwing in the towel and going to Pinterest.

Fuck It !!!

It's an "I don't feel like it" day today.

Funny Religious Shit

Things Have Changed !! I Have My Reasons!!

If some of you have been following me, not literally following me like a stalker but that is kinda kinky and I like that, but like reading my past blog entries, you may have noticed I hate spiders. Yes I have an unrelenting hate for them which will go on and on until I have lived maybe six or seven more life times to come. I have that much hate in me.

Yes, well you see I believe spiders evolved from some Alien's eight legged slave that got left on our planet by accident while they were on an eight hour tour. Yes, an eight hour tour. But I digress.

Somehow this eight legged little black fucker got crazy and lonely and mated with something during the Mesozoic-Jurassic period; thus meshing their DNA which has evolved into the nasty, ugly, sneaky, make yo man scream like a little girl, spider it is today.

So everyone of you is wondering WHY? WHY, Leeanna, WHY?!? You said you were devoting Saturdays to Silly Thoughts Saturdays. Why did you change your mind, y'all are saying. Well now Saturday will be known as I Hate Spiders Saturday. I have my reasons.

Well It's like this. I simply hate spiders and the fact that I dragged David's beloved shop vac into the bedroom because I refused to let my house vacuum cleaner be defiled by said nasty, ugly, sneaky, make yo man scream like a little girl, alien eight legged bitch spider. Yes, I sucked up that nasty little fucker with the shop vac then I dragged the vac outside into the courtyard and opened it up and sprayed the holy fucking shit out of the insides of that vac. I know it had to be dead because I used two whole cans of RAID Spider Killer on it's ass.

Ten minutes later while I was opening the window facing the courtyard, I happened to notice a tiny black spider on the rim of the opened shop vac coughing and sputtering.

                           I    hate    spiders!

Funny Demotivational Friday

Kate Upton And A Mercedes-Benz What Do You Think

Okay... I have a question for all my blogging friends and lurkers. Yes i want you lurkers to participate too. I found this add this morning on Shine from Yahoo. Many of the critics are saying that this is a really bad Mercedes-Benz commercial. That using Kate Upton is stupid, tacky, cheap and tasteless. You can tap on the link and go read it for yourselves, it's not a problem, I'll wait.

Anywho...in my mind I think it's cute. Guys everywhere are thinking Kate is going to get wet while washing the car. Nothing like what is really going to happen. Thus dashing all male hopes to see voluptuous Kate wet with the suds.

So ... what I want you to do, my readers, is view the video for yourselves. Then tell me in comments what you think. I'm being nosy today so let er' rip.

Wet Dog Wednesday

My Schedule, The Jail Called, And Telemarketer Pranks

My friends and lurkers, I'm sorry I didn't post my Crazy Witch's Daybook entry yesterday but I wasn't up to par. I overdid the house work on Saturday and then on Sunday it was yard work that did my dumb ass in. I hurt my back again and now I'm paying for it big time. I was stuck in bed all day yesterday. I only had a teensy bit of a chance to read a few blogs before the bod gave out.

Right now I'm floating high on four of my pain killers. Feels pretty good but good don't last forever around here. David has made me promise not to do any house work and stay in bed today. HA!! Like that's gonna happen.

Anywho, I wanted to let you all know about the posting schedule for this crummy little blog of mine so some of you will know what days you want to come online to read it.

Monday:  Crazy Witch's Daybook

Tuesday: Open writing for anything that's on my sick twisted mind or Tickle Me Tuesday, which is basically anything to do with funny dogs  or other animal pictures.

Wednesday: Is Wet Dog Wednesday, which will be dog pictures, dog care and rescue. I'm a big advocate for dog rescue.

Thursday: Is What They Think Thursday or more open writing.

Friday: Will be Funny Demotivational Friday or Funny Friday, which will be a joke or funny picture.

Saturday: Will be Silly Thoughts Saturday, which will be just that, silly thoughts from my demented brain or a funny picture I found.

Sunday: Is now Funny Religious Shit, that I changed from Christian Shit because I'm running thin on their stuff.

So now you all know when to come visit  BWAHAHahahahahahahahaaasnort !!

So back to me. This morning I was in the shower letting the blinding HOT water as David calls it hit my lower back when the phone rang. I got out of the shower, I bring the phone with me when I go anywhere in the house cause David is always checking up on me, dried off and answered it. There was an automated woman's voice saying there was a call for me from the Baxer (pronounced Bear) County Jail from some guy named T***. 

First off, I don't know anyone by that name, let alone anyone in the San Antonio Baxer County Jail. So I hung up, fast. Then I wished I hadn't done that. I could have fucked with T***'s dumb ass and made my morning. But NOOOOOOoooooooo! My good side had to hang up the phone and piss off my bad side today. 

So now I'm stuck waiting for some poor unsuspecting sucker to call and unleash the beast. Do you know just how hard it is for me to wait all day for that to happen? Probably not. But it's very hard on me. Yes, yes it is. I'm just dancing inside my head waiting for that one telemarketer from India to call me and say in his thick Indian accent that his name is Eric, calling from Microsoft and want's access to my computer so he can find a certain problem that has been plaguing all Microsoft users and then sell me some lame computer program. OH YES!!! You're my PUPPY NOW!! I dare your dumb ass to call me today. I just double dog dare you!

You need to know something that David does to me when he's home. It's nothing kinky so get your mind out o' the gutter. Jeeze, bunch of slime balls!

Anywho, David will screen the callers when he's home. If by chance it's a number we don't know he will answer it and put the caller on speaker so I can hear it. He let's the poor slob go on and on with the sales pitch and then laugh and hang up.

That's how I know about the callers from India. The phone ID shows some INSANE thirty digit number. Last time they called I played the stupid computer owner. I was nowhere near my computer but the conversation sure was fun. I wasted a good portion of an hour with him. He was mad and I was laughing so hard when I hung up that I pee'd my pants.

But this guy, Tom Mabe is like the King of Pranking the Telemarketers. I might pull something like this next time Eric calls.
BWAAHAHAHAAHAAHAAHAHAHAHAAAsnort!!!

Funny Religious Shit

Silly Saturday

Funny Demotivational Friday

What They Think Thursdays

Wet Dog Wednesday,

Baby It's Cold In Texas

David called me early this morning after he made it to the office. He said it was so fucking cold he thinks his ass fell off before he got into his truck. When he arrived there was a wooly mammoth parked in the parking lot. Now that's fucking too cold if you ask me. Even for Texas!

He told me to just stay in bed today with the bed heater on. Hey. I have a blog to write today. Fuck that. Besides I have my own version of the Snuggie on my bod to keep me warm. That and my warm Killer Rabbit slippers for my feet.

I look a fright right now so I promise never to take a picture of myself this way. I would scare old women and scar children for life if I were to post this picture.

Anywho, I did find David's ass when I went out with the puppies a few minutes ago. Yeah, I have to go out to peal them off of the ground and fence posts. You realize I did say it was fucking cold out. Well it is.

Right now all three puppies are thawing in front of the heater. They look so cute worshiping their Heater God. Sometimes they even bring a toy or two and lay it in front of the Heater God in hopes that it will turn on for them. I always have to pick up seven or eight toys a night before bedtime. Poor little things must think the God of The Great Heater is please by their offerings so they bring more. It's a vicious cycle I tell ya.

Well poke me I'm done. I'm gonna hop back into bed and read or watch some lame ass movie on TV. Stay warm my friends.

Crazy Witch's Daybook

My Mood:  Joyous, well that's something of an understatement. I feel great. Today is Monday. I usually hide under covers and sleep the day away in hopes that Monday will be over soon. I used to hate them but not anymore.

The Weather:  It's fucking colder than a well diggers ass out there. I nearly froze mine off just walking to the car. Shit! Where is Spring? Not yet? Fuck this!

Stuff That Happened In Casa De Loco Over The Weekend:  David and I had a nice weekend with a few crazy, funny things thrown in for the fun of it. We went to Wally World to get curtain rods and picked up some unnecessary items like we always do. For the life of me I can't think of what they were. But while we were there It felt like we walked five miles maybe more. I paid for it that night in pain.

We watched the football games and feasted on junk food most of the weekend. David said he felt like a stuffed tick. EEEWwwwww! So fucking gross! Sorry, I hate the sight of ticks, that's all. I rank them up there with bed bugs, spiders and roaches. Yuck!!

There was a moment while I was lying on the couch reading that David was supposed to be feeding the puppies. He was screaming to me about not being able to find their new box of food he bought Saturday. When I walked into the kitchen I heard the distinctive sound of the cardboard pull tab. But in segments, like there was a wise ass making farting sounds. I found David in the pantry pulling the cardboard tab around the carton.

Picture this: he had his face all scrunched up like he was in pain and one leg up and out to the side for emphasis. He was making fake farts in front of the puppies! I told David he was a bad influence on them. That man sometimes inspires my inner serial killer.

Shit I Need To Get Done Today:  Absofuckinlutely nothing! No really!  I have nothing to do today. The house is clean. Laundry is done. I just came back earlier from the Vet's with Comfortis for the Puppies. The puppies will be flea free in a few more minutes and then I'll be bored out of my gourd. That means I'll be on Pinterest pinning more shit and making new boards. I found a shit load of stuff for my BOS (Book of Shadows) that I need to print out, so I might do that. Otherwise - eh!

Whats For Dinner:  I'm making meatball stew with carrots and potatoes poured on top of hot rice. Yummy!!  I love comfort food and this is it for me.

Funny Religious Shit

Funny Friday

How to keep stupid people waiting...

Wet Dog Wednesday