A New Goddess

This morning I went to Facebook to check out the chatter. I saw the following Rites which were written by Kallan Kennedy on her page. If you don't get to giggling because of this then you definitly are still asleep and in need of the sacred elixir of life.

                                      

                                  Rites of Caffeina 

                                                by Kallan Kennedy 

Having drawn down the Goddess Caffeina... 

'Listen to the words of the Great Mother, she who of old was 

called "Cafe, Columbian Bean, Best Part of Wakin Up, Good to the Last Drop and by many other names" 

Whenever you have need of a pickmeup, and better it be when you've had no sleep, you shall assemble in front of the coffee maker or percolator, and adore the great bean before grinding it. You shall 

take some sacred water and pour it into the Divine Device; 

You shall then take the sacred ground bean and gently place it into the holey filter;you shall then close the lid and push the button marked ON. 

You shall then be partake of the sacred elixir of life, and learn the mystery of My Ways. 

You shall be free from the bondage of sleepiness and draggy buttox, and as a sign of your freedom, you shall type 300 wpm and dance around your dwelling chanting "CoffEE coffEE coffEE" 

For my law is the law of hyperactivity. 

I am the Gracious Goddess of Cafeination and my love is poured out into the coffee mug. 

And you who seek to know me, know that your seeking and yearning will avail you not should you attempt to use decaf. 

For behold, I have been with you from the beginning of the morning, and I am that which is attained at the end of the brewing." 

Friday Funny

Oy!

This morning I went to get blood siphoned because I have a doctor's appointment next week Thursday. They tapped off three vials. If I had known they were going to take that much I would have called them earlier this morning when I stubbed my toe on the bedroom door and bled all over the fucking house looking for a band-aid. I nearly started a zombie apocalypse with all that blood.

Yes, I tore off a pound of flesh and struck red oil. Sucker bled a puddle the size of a small tea saucer on the bathroom floor before I noticed it. I thought I was going to fucking pass out. I wadded some 4x4 gauze squares around the toe and hobbled to the kitchen for a clean dish towel and filled it with ice. The ice pack stopped the bleeding and I was able to clean the bugger and fix a bandage on it. Try putting a tennis shoe over that throbbing shit and walking around. I tell ya it's a new level of pain.

On the way to the lab I noticed school buses with little sad faces wishing summer would last a bit longer. It's to long for me. Thank Gawd the knee gnawers are in school. The neighborhood is quiet again. Soon, when the weather turns a bit cooler, I'll be on the front porch drinking my coffee and taking in the morning quiet. *sigh* Soon, very soon.

This morning after getting drawn for labs I came home in a great mood. I decided to clean. I vacuumed the whole house and then mopped. I know I'm not supposed to go crazy like this because of my back pain. But David isn't going to do it. He comes home tired and on weekends he relaxes. Once in a while he will help me with the washing and cleaning but only if I initiate it. Ugh!

Well I'm going to go lie down with an ice pack on my back for a while and elevate my throbbing toe. Later my lovelies.

Wet Dog Wednesday

For Those Of You Who Have Kids...

For those of you who have children that are going back to school next week in September . . . .




For those of you who have children IN school already . . . .

Thank you. my job here is finished.

Funny Religious Shit

For My Canadian Friends . . . Yous Crazy Canucks

Funny Friday

 A group of women were at a seminar on "How to live in a loving relationship with your husband."

The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?" 

All the women raised their hands.
Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?"
Some women answered "today", some "yesterday", some couldn't remember.   

They were then asked to take their cell phones; Text your husband: "I love you, sweetheart."

They were then told to exchange phones and read aloud the text message responses.
                

Here are some of the replies:
                

1.  Who is this?
                

2.  Mother of my children, are you sick?
                

3.  I love you too. Who is this ?
                

4.  What now?  Did you wreck the car again?
                

5.  I don't understand, what do you mean?
                

6.  What did you do now? How much did you spend ?
                

7.  Please repeat !?
                

8.  Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?
                

9.  Am I dreaming?  Or is this John; brother in law? JOKE ?
                

10. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will get hurt!
                

11. I thought we agreed we would not drink during the day.
                

12. Your mother is coming, isn't she?? I knew it! 

I Got An Award

SQUEEEEEEEE!!
I've won a new award!!
Yes!!  Yesterday. I love awards. Makes me all warm n' fuzzy inside out and all. Wait, ummm, that sounds a bit demented to some degree. Oh well. The one person who bestowed this award upon my fluffy ass is none other than  A Daft Scots lass. Thank you Lass. I first read her blog when I was doing the July Blog Challenge. you learn quite a bit about people doing those thangs.

Anywho, I need to tell seven thingys about myself and then pass this bugger off to seven more well deserving lost souls out there in the blogoshere. Please don't try this at home. I'm a professional. So here goes.

1. I'm an ex-Army brat. Traveled the world and loved every minute of it. The most fun I had was when we were stationed in Germany for three years.
2. I hate my mother. She's a heartless, cold, unfeeling bitch. Sorry if that sounds awful to you but it's the absolute truth and if you had a mother like mine you would agree completely, I'm sure.
3. I'm a Pinterestaholic. Yes, yes I am. I can't just go and look around in Pinterest. I have to pin everything in sight. It's a terrible sickness. But it's my lot in life.
4. I'm a Walking Dead fanatic. I think I would have a fucking zombiegazmic episode if I got to be a Walker on the show. 
5. I fucking love to bake. My favorite thing is baking bread on cold days when I make vegetable soup for dinner. But cookies are good too. I love making my macadamia nut cookies. Ohhhh yeah!
6. I'm a clean nut. I have to have a clean house or I feel worthless. but lately I've had to put things on hold because of my health. I'm just ichin' to clean house
7. I tend to put others before myself. Yes, it's a thankless job. It has cost me my health so it's not a really good thing to do.

Okay the seven bloggers that I'm giving this award to are...

40 and Loving It

Airing My Dirty Laundry

Aoibheal's Lair

Chaos in Curls

Dreaming of Rosemary

Merlin's Magical Mistress

She Who Seeks

Feeling OK For Now

Well, first I have to say thank you all for the Get Well wishes. Makes my heart sing. I'm feeling a bit better but I won't really know if the Facet Injections worked for at least until next week. It takes a while for this stuff to work

I had Bilateral Facet Injections meaning I had an injection on both sides of the L4-L5 of my lower back. I have an appointment on the 20th of September with my pain doctor who did them. Then we will know if I will need more injections or not.

Yesterday I was really out of it. The surgical nurses gave me something to calm my nerves and bring the pain down to a manageable level. It finally wore off about 2 am this morning. I mean to tell y'all, nurses know all the great drugs. I was seeing double and I don't even remember David driving me home, the drugs were that good.

Right now the pain in my back is minimal but they told me to not go full assed ballistic with house work or heavy lifting. Not feeling like I want to at this point in time. I just want to take it easy and wait to see what happens next month.

Wet Cat Wednesday

Quick Note

Sorry for not getting anything out on my blog today but I've been running errands and pre-registering for surgery tomorrow. I'm letting you all know that I may be out until possibly Wednesday. Right now my back pain is a real muther! So I'm off to lie down for a while with an ice pack and pain meds.

Funny Religious Shit

What I'll Do If I Win

Wet Dog Wednesday