MY MINIONS

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Warning! - This Blog May Contain:

violence, terrible grammar, gratuitous sex, strong odors, seed porn, and possibly improper French

Thursday, August 12, 2010

TO: Medical Personnel
FROM: Human Resources
It has come to our attention from several emergency rooms that many EMS narratives have taken a decidedly creative direction lately. Effective immediately, all members are to refrain from using slang and abbreviations to describe patients, such as the following.
Cardiac patients should not be referred to with MUH (messed up heart), PBS (pretty bad shape), PCL (pre-code looking) or HIBGIA (had it before, got it again).
Stroke patients are NOT "Charlie Carrots." Nor are rescuers to use CCFCCP (Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs) to describe their mental state.
Trauma patients are not FDGB (fall down, go boom), TBC (total body crunch) or "hamburger helper".
Similarly, descriptions of a car crash do not have to include phrases like "negative vehicle to vehicle interface" or "terminal deceleration syndrome."
HAZMAT teams are highly trained professionals, not "glow worms."
Persons with altered mental states as a result of drug use are not considered "pharmaceutically gifted."
Gunshot wounds to the head are not "trans-occipital implants."
The homeless are not "urban outdoorsmen", nor is endotracheal intubation referred to as a "PVC Challenge".
And finally, do not refer to recently deceased persons as being "paws up," ART (assuming room temperature), or CTD (circling the drain).
I know you will all join me in respecting the cultural diversity of our patients to include their medical orientations in creating proper, narratives and log entries.
Sincerely,
Director of Human Resources

 

3 comments:

  1. That's hysterical!

    A long time ago (in a galaxy... blah blah blah) I was a paramedic.

    We had a few of these that we'd use regularly:

    VIP (Very Intoxicated Person)

    Patient suffering from "acute toxic encephalopathy" (he was drunk)

    and my very favorite, used for obnoxious and/or combative patients:

    LTOD (Let This One Die)

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
  3. Hey Skip, welcome aboard the crazy train. I used to work in a hospital lab at night next to the ER. We heard a lot of "These Terms" used. I loved working there but can't go back for now. Damn I miss it.

    ReplyDelete

let 'er rip

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