Watering

Since I won't be alive for 3 or 4 days this week I thought I'd write a few blog entries to keep you happy, my minions. I'm trying to get things done right now and one of those things is watering the yard. I should call it watering me and the house but whatever.

I was trying to set up the sprinkler on the side of the house. It's one of those cast iron buggers that takes a forklift to move it around the place. It moves along the hose as a guide and looks like a farm tractor for gnomes with a whirligig on top. I call it the tractor copter. It's a bitch to set up and I hate it. I'm thinking I could make that monster into a really nice garden ornament...just rip that whirligig sucker off the top first.

Anywho I got fed up with the monster tractor and went to "David's Shed". I really don't go into that little barn cause it's "His Place". I got the keys and opened 'er up. There was this blinding light and blaring music from angels singing like the gates of heaven just opened. I was just standing there, shielding my eyes and ears, wondering when did I die. Jeeeze Louise !!! It looked a whole lot bigger inside than out, and the Man Stuff... it was hanging everywhere. I think he bought out everything in Home Desperate Depot or owns 60% of the stock cause the whole damned store was inside there. So I started rummaging around after the music died down and I found another sprinkler. This was the one he bought last month. I had asked him to go to Walmart to get another little sprinkler cause the old little whirligig broke and I hated standing outside watering by hand. He went to Home Desperate Depot instead.

This was the "Industrial sized, unsissyfied, watering sprinkler that has 6 watering settings and can water the whole yard ...both sides of the house mind you, by shooting water over the roof and get the job done in less than an hour" watering sprinkler. How bout that sports fans!!! I can hear the crowd cheering loudly. Anyways, I walked out of 'David's Shed" with the sprinkler and got it hooked up to the hose.

Now this sucker has like all these crazy doodads on the sides of it for water strength...one looked like it could set the water to knock flesh off your arm at 50 feet. There was another for the side to side motion and one for what looked like circular motion. I gave up and set them all to the right, lets turn on the water to see what this sucker can do. Well I turned on the water and it started spinning, and dancing, and shaking, and you name it, it was even having conniptions. I was completely dripping with water cause it had found it's way over to me. I was crazy pissed cause David had gone and bought another psycholunatic sprinkler from Hell. I reset 2 of the settings and it stopped dancing but was shooting water at the kids across the street...much to their delight. I turned it off and reset 2 more switches and turned it on again. It watered the inside of my car. Turned it off and moved my car to the other side of the house where it would be safer. Reset one more switch and presto change-o. It started watering the lawn and garden like I had wanted. Now I am sitting in my nice plastic Adirondack (because I refuse to let David finish making the wooden one and lose another finger while doing it) chair and drinking my watered down cold coffee with water dripping off my hair. I won't go inside until I'm finished with the watering. I'm going to have to dry off in the sun for a while after wards. I also need to talk to David about that music in the shed.