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violence, terrible grammar, gratuitous sex, strong odors, seed porn, and possibly improper French

Thursday, March 3, 2011

How To Put A Grill Together And Not Kill Your Spouse

Over the weekend David went to Home Desperate and bought a grill and opted to put it together himself.  Wrong judgement on his part. First off, it's a nice little grill. Standard size with no extra bells or whistles. Just two burners and the little button from hell, that when pushed, lights the bitch and you in a rolling ball of butane flames.  Shit, he might as well bought a habachi instead.


He brought it home and unloaded all the parts onto the patio table and floor, noting each and every part on the booklet to make sure he wasn't shorted a part. Pleased that everything was accounted for, he began putting it together. I came out on the back patio steps to sit in the nice cool shade, sipping a Pepsi and watch while the potatoes were on to boil for potato salad.


David is very accomplished in doing things like this. He's great at putting things together. He reads the directions like his life depends on them. Just don't let him fix anything that has to do with plumbing. But I digress. I was back inside by the time he put it all together. He was quite pleased and called me to come out to see his handiwork. 


The grill was really nice looking. He had everything all hooked up and ready to go, until he went to light it up. He turned on the two knobs for the burners and pushed the starter button to light it. No ignition. Nada. Nada damned thing happened. He tried to get the igniting button to ignite the butane again and again. No go. 


It was a bit breezy out so I told him to wait a bit before hitting the button to let the gas build up. He did that but no light. So I came out with the lighter we kept around for the regular grill to light the coals. He grabbed it from me and told me to step back. He tried to light it but nothing happened.


I sort of picked up on the problem when I noticed no butane smell while I was near it. 
Me: Um, sweetheart? Did you read the directions for the tank?
David: YES SWEETIE!!! he's a bit perturbed at this point.
Me: Are you sure? I mean they....
David: YES I READ THEM COMPLETELY! Now please go back inside and let me figure this out.
Me: Hokey dokey smokey.


So I went back inside and watched from the media room while he slogged to figure out why he couldn't light the grill with an empty butane tank. It took a minute ...mmkay more like 20 minutes before he took the butane canister off and went to the corner store to exchange it for a filled one. But he did figure it out and we did finally have our BBQ. Dinner was nice but quiet except for when he kept telling me to shut up because that sly little smirk would show up on my lips now and then.



9 comments:

  1. Tee hee! I'd have a hard time keeping quiet too! At least he reads instructions though! Happy BBQ-ing!

    ReplyDelete
  2. You want me to call you and bitch you out about your food choices again? :P
    http://www.walletpop.com/2011/02/16/caramel-coloring-in-coca-cola-pepsi-and-more-causes-cancer-sho/

    J

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sistah deah, I be lovin my Pepsi and shit and don't give a rash on a bugs eah what causes cancah no mo. Besides evrah thin we eat, drank o' breath causes cancah nowa days. How is you by the by?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Aaaaaaaaaahahahaha... At least he figured it out & you didn't have to tell him... Bonus point for you each. ^-^
    Hope dinner was tasty, now I'm off to find something carbonated to drink...

    xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh, the menfolk .... glad you at least avoided explosions/singed eyebrows/ etc.

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  6. I think David should get together with my husband so they can discuss how to deal with us ; )

    ReplyDelete
  7. Ahhh...men...Oh, you did so good at keeping quiet. I wouldn't have been able to do it.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hooolah Sista! Ey dunt hav cansa (yhet) so ey kant cumplane. Glahd ta no u r dewin bedda.

    ReplyDelete

let 'er rip

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