The Cost Of Living Is Bad

The cost of living has hit us all really hard. My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries. CEO's are now playing miniature golf. Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen. A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced. I saw a Mormon with only one wife. The bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," and you call them to ask if they meant you or them. Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names. My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, so the Church re-possessed her! A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico. When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now share a room. Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal.  Oh Great!  The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear! I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hot line. I got a call center in Pakistan, and, when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, asked if I could drive.