Please, Just Shoot My Ass Now

I need a good friend with a gun and a steady hand. Yes, someone to fuckin shoot my poor fluffy fat ass right now before Friday afternoon. That's the time David will be home at the start of a whole week off for the Fourth of July Holiday. Every year he gets a certain amount of weeks off paid holiday and this will be one of them.

You know what that means?  Yeppers, I will be responsible for any and all appendages and blood spilling that happens for the next nine days and nights. Oh yes, it's my turn to watch him.

The last time he had time off from a holiday was when he lopped off his pointer finger at the second knuckle while attempting to make Adirondack chairs, which he never finished. Personally I still need to sell that saw. I don't know what he is going to get into this coming week so I better be on my toes. This is going to be exhausting.

Nutella Freakazoid

I found something absofucking delicious. I'm a Nutella freak. I love the stuff.So I tried this recipe this past weekend. It's yummy as shit y'all. I found this fabulicious recipe here at: http://blogs.babble.com/family-kitchen/2011/03/15/nutella-mug-cake/

Nutella Mug Cake

Ingredients

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4 tablespoons self rising flour

4 tablespoons white granulated sugar

1 egg

3 tablespoons cocoa powder

3 tablespoons Nutella

3 tablespoons milk

3 tablespoons olive or vegetable oil

Method

Combine all ingredients in a large coffee mug.

Whisk well with a fork until smooth.

Microwave on high for 1 1/2 – 3 minutes. (*Time depends on microwave wattage. Mine took 1 - 2 minutes.)

Top with whipped cream and a little chocolate sauce if desired.

*Note: Depending on the wattage of your microwave, you may have to increase cooking time.

Makes 1 very large serving.

Awwwww Poor Baby Girl!!

This past Saturday I made hamburger on bun for lunch and I was cleaning up and doing dishes. David was watching one of those
"Let me show you how to fix shit around the house so you don't have to hire a professional until it's to fuckin late"
type TV show.

So when he finally brought his dirty plate to have it washed it developed into a play fight at the sink. He wanted to wash it and I wanted him to give it to me so I could finish cleaning up and shit.

Well he took the dish towel from my shoulder and proceeded to whip me with it and I was screaming cause it kinda hurt. All the ruckus brought some little fuzzy children with speech impediments into the doorway of the kitchen. One in particular, Lucy, my sweet baby girl, had such a scared look on her face. She must have thought David was really hurting me cause she almost looked as if she was going to burst into tears. I will  never  forget that little face.

This was while I was trying to calm her down

After I sat with her in the living room and then took her out to find squirrels she was fine. But the look on her face was priceless. She was so cute.

WTF NOW!!!

Shit!! I was over at this cool web site for veggie growers this afternoon and I had a honkin loud ping going off in my head to check my comments in my last post. I don't know why it pings in my head but it does. One of those Witchy things I have. That's what David says.

Anywho, The Traveler over at Witchy Thrifting tagged me with this cute little award today, and I do so love awards. There is something I have to do but it's not required.

I'm giving this sucker out to only three poor unfortunate bloggers who have no idea what's gonna hit them til it does.
1. Blue Faerie at http://dancingspatulawand.blogspot.com/
2. Judith at http://merlinsmistress.blogspot.com/
3. Linda at http://lindaomasoldebaggsnstuftshirts.blogspot.com/

The reason I am only doing three is to save bloggers for everyone to tag.

A Troll In The Cosmos

Yes, my dear minions, we have a douche bag troll (kill it, kill it with fire) in our end of the Cosmos. IT has been leaving SPAM on some of the blogs that are run by women. This morning my blog was hit and Dark Mother had it out with IT. So in order to try to get rid of IT go to IT's blog and report IT for Spam. Just tap on the Report Abuse Tag on the top left of the blog title and report him for spam. Hopefully blogger will take care of IT. His blog is
http://boycottamericanwomen.blogspot.com/

Awwwwww Behold Dark Mother Has Shown Me Crybaby Douchebags

Just recently, a very good friend of mine that you all know and love, Dark Mother, showed me to a blog site that you ladies would love to post comments on. These, please don't get me wrong I love men and am happily married to one, sorry excuses for the male species are a waste of human flesh. This blog site for men only, does not allow comments on anything that they so happily have to say because these losers in life couldn't handle the truth that women are onto their fucking crybaby shit.



So, in light of these fucking douchebag losers. I have found something that puts them in their place. Check it out ladies! http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2010/12/27/boycott-american-women/.  Voice your opinions about those fucking crybaby loser men.

Oh, and since these asswipes are not accepting comments I guess that I can't give them The Douchebag Trophy that they much deserve. Can I get an AMEN ladies!

It's Friday

Yeppers.

A Giveaway

No not from me. It 's a giveaway over at A Natural Witch-Grimoire Of Life And Practice. Eire Crescent is giving away a beautiful peacock ore pendant wrapped in brass, necklace.  I love the colors in it. Absolutely gorgeous. She has a few things you have to do to enter for it.

Just go check out her blog.  She's giving this beauty away because she has hit her 100th sale at her Etsy shop. Go check that out too.

Uh Oh!!!

Last week I said in a post that we needed rain. I also said it was time for some Witchy Intervention. It is also time for David to pay up and take me to dinner this weekend. The reason is I bet him I could make it rain again just like last time. 

Ummmm, I wonder how he will explain this one. I can already hear thunder off in the distance. Check out the yellow line of thunder storms. If you look at the abbreviations we are EWX right below AUS for Austin, SAT is San Antonio to the south west of us.

Cool Shit I Found

Is this cool or what? It's a 3D of the the heart's venous structure.

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Happy Summer Solstice My Friends

Something All Men Need So They Don't Get Into Trouble

Happy Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to all the Dads who read my blog and to all my follower Dads. I have a special Happy father's Day to my own dad that passed away 10 years ago. He was the best cause he always thought of us kids. He worked his tail off to provide for us and made sure we had food on the table no matter what. Blessed be to you Dad. I know you are happy and in a better place. I love and miss you lots.

AAWWWwwwww A Hound From Hell

Notes From Hell

Hello my dear minions. David and I are going to be busy today. In fact shit started 0730 this morning. We took Pebbles to the vet for work on her left molar. She was holding on to me for dear life all the way while David drove. He was all up in her poor little face with shit like, they ( the vet) were going to put her to sleep and take pictures of her naked and shit. With cats lying next  to her doing nasty things to her and then they were going to put a squirrel on her and take pictures of that and post everything on the Internet.

Poor thing was shaking in my arms so hard that when they finally took her from me to the back to take her temp and get her into a cage, I looked down at myself and it looked  like PETA might get me for sporting a fur coat. She left like a pound of fur on my scrubs top that I was wearing.

We came home and the other puppies started shaking too when they sniffed me. I just had to say you guys are next if you don't get your shit together and start picking up your toys. Poor little Lucy got all defensive and shit. She's afraid to come near me now.

I have my appointment this morning at 1130 so we will see how that goes. I am wondering if he  will send me back to Dr. M. for the rest of my Lumbar Injections. Fuck, I can't wait.

After that mess David and I will have lunch at Olive Garden and then go to Home Desperate to get bird  seed and I want to see if they have some flowers that I saw on their site.

Don't Mess With The Mother

The Crazy Witch's Daybook

My current mood today is:  again. I'm just waiting for Friday cause I get to see the doc about my back surgery follow-up. Lately my legs are giving my ass a whole fucking lot of trouble. They feel like someone it sending a charge of electricity from my back to my toes and then back up again. It's really starting to piss me off.

My Diet : is failing my fat fluffy ass so I took the ticker off my blog. I have decided to go with the flow. Last time I did that I lost 85 lbs. in 7 months along with my gallbladder. That was a fine fucking how do you do. My mother, the bitch, and I say that not in a respectable tone showed her true colors that night. But I digress and that will be a Mushroom Print post like very fucking soon I can guarantee that.

What's going on at Casa de Loco:  Let's see ... well four days ago, David almost lopped off another finger while playing with the new bird feeder he bought online. He's such an online-buy-every-fucking-thing-that-we-talk-about-whore. Well he bought this thing that has a weighted perch for the birds that will close if a squirrel lands on it and it closes the feed access with a quick bang. He was playing with the counter weight and it popped his fingers. Needless to say I said I was gonna let him bleed to death this time for putting his fingers where they don't belong. Ewww! That sounds fucking disgusting. What did I get on the Clean Meter(TM) so far?

Oh yeah, Pebbles had a run in with a cat yesterday morning. Told David about it when he came home from work for lunch. Well, story goes that I let the two girls, Pebbles and Lucy, outside to go to the potty and all of a sudden I heard a scream. I went to the doorway to the courtyard to see what all the bitching was all about. Pebbles had the back leg of a little grey cat in her mouth and she wasn't letting go any fucking time soon. For some reason either the cat was retarded or Pebbles had it just so that it couldn't turn around to scratch her in the face. So I yelled for Pebs to let it go and she did. The cat really was fucking retarded cause it ran into the chain link fence twice before climbing it to get away. All I could do was stand there laughing my fucking ass off cause of the stupid cat and what I was thinking was Pebs nearly had pussy for breakfast. I almost fell down from laughing so hard. I couldn't see the steps to the back door of the kitchen. Haven't seen the cat since either.


The weather here in Texas:  FUCKING HOT!! OKAY?!  

Yes it's like a fucking furnace out here. So far we are under Stage 1 Water Restriction. That means water your shit to cool it the fuck off before 10 am in the morning and after 8pm at night. Poor San Antonio is begging for the wet shit. They are under Stage 3 Water Restriction. Which means tough fucking shit. Y'all should live near a real river, you retarded dumb fucks.

Things are melting

It's so fucking hot even the dogs don't want to go outside. We really need some rain bad. I think it's time for some witchy intervention. Last time I did it we got rain for three days. It was so nice.

What's for din din: BBQ Chicken, it tastes like cat. It's a running joke with David and me. The puppies love when I make chicken cause I always give them some of mine. I always tell them we're having cat for dinner. It really fucks them up. Probably why Pebbles caught that cat.
"Here momma, skin it and fry it up yummmm!"
Sooo sorry all you cat lovers out there. BWAAHAHAHAAhahahahaahahaaa! Maybe not!

Clean Meter

I was over at this blog called http://www.contentunrelated.com/ this weekend. This dude is sick, crazy, and weird, sorta like me but he's funny as shit and you guys should really check him out. Oh he lives for comments so please comment on his blog. Mejis is the one who turned me on to him. Well not a real turn on, just showed me to his blog and shit.

Jeeeeze!! Anywho, I found this cool Clean Meter on his blog and he got it from http://www.lostinidaho.me/ which is another sick twisted blogger like me. Check it out! I should be in jail. I made a sexual solicitation ahahahahhahaaa. I'm such a blogger whore. Fuck, I really have to bring up the profanity shit a bit. Who the fuck did I insult!  8 times too! This is total shit. What does Clean Meter know anyways. But if you want to know, just clean  out my shitty blog name where it says Enter website below, and try your blog title. It's fun, safe, clean, and soooo full of shit! Have fun my dear sick readers.

Clean Meter™ helps decide if it is safe to visit a website. Protect yourself by checking a site BEFORE you view it. Enter Website:    HTTP://CANWEHAVEANEWWITCHOURSMELTED.BLOGSPOT.COM/ Detailed Report: Sexual references: 3 References to sexual clothing: 2 Sexual solicitation: 1 Crude anatomical references: 3 Sexual profanity: 16 Vulgarity: 23 Sexual orientation terms: 1 Insults: 8 References to deity: 1 Profanity/swearing: 2 Internet Safety Tip: Place your computer in a high traffic area such as the kitchen or family room rather than in your child's bedroom.

So Cool

This is so damned cool! It's a tattoo that is invisible unless you are under a black light. I'd like to get one of these. That way David would never know unless I was under a black light.

via

Lady Gaga and Stephen Fry

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Notes

I don't mean to alarm y'all but I'm only going to be posting when I'm able. I'm down to two days of pain meds and I already called my doctor about it but nothing has transpired so to speak. David says he will call from his office to get things going if I get no answer soon. He's good at that.

This morning I woke up and looked down the hall way to see the child gate was up to keep the puppies from attacking me. Lucy has a short attention span, like she hasn't seen me in ages and I'm fair game to jump on. She has this cute way of lying down in front of the gate. She faces the gate and puts her ears back and her back legs are just so that when you look at her she looks just like one of those Super Mario Mushrooms but only black. David and I have gotten to calling her Mushroom Girl because of it. I really have to take a picture to show you.

Well this morning when I got up, my legs felt like someone was applying a live bare wire to my lower back cause the electricity was running up and down my legs. It was fucking painful to say the least. I just hobbled back to bed and put some pillows under my calves, which helps for some reason. But I get so fucking bored lying there in bed.

Got another email to review a book and Sarah is sending me the fall catalog of pending books to look at. I get to pick what books I want to review. That is so cool. And no, I am not getting paid for this. But it is cool cause I review and get some reading material too. This will keep me out of trouble and out of prison ahahahahaaasnort. oops sorry.

I was looking for a signature for my blog. I found this one but I want something better. The Blogger signature creator is out of order just like the rest of the Blogger shit. Anywho, I got this one at http://www.123pimpin.com . It's okay, but like I said I want better. So if anyone knows of a signature site that has some cool stuff please let me know. I would appreciate it very much.





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Graduation Day In Japan

As you can tell, they are no different than our kids. Full of fun and silliness. Click on it to make it bigger.

via

Where To Get The Commandments

For those of you who don't know where to get it, here is the site:

http://www.doglistener.co.uk/humour/commandments.shtm

I only changed the picture to a cute Boston Terrier puppy.

This Will Melt The Coldest Heart

The 10 Commandments From a Pet's Point of View

My life is likely to last 10-15 years; any separation from you will be painful for me. Remember that before you buy me. Give me time to understand what you want from me; don't be impatient, short-tempered, or irritable. Place your trust in me and I will always trust you back. Respect is earned not given as an inalienable right. Don't be angry with me for long and don't lock me up as punishment; I am not capable of understanding why. I only know I have been rejected. You have your work, entertainment, and friends, but I only have you. Talk to me sometimes. Even if I don't understand your words, I do understand your voice and your tone. You only have to look at my tail. Be aware that however you treat me, I'll never forget it, and if it's cruel, it may affect me forever. Please don't hit me. I can't hit back, but I can bite and scratch, and I really don't ever want to do that. Before you scold me for being uncooperative, obstinate, or lazy, ask yourself if something might be bothering me. Perhaps I'm not getting the right foods or I've been out in the sun too long, or my heart is getting old and weak. It may be I am just dog-tired. Take care of me when I get old. You too will grow old and may also need love, care, comfort, and attention. Go with me on difficult journeys. Never say, "I can't bear to watch" or "Let it happen in my absence". Everything is easier for me if you are there. Remember, regardless of what you do, I will always love you. via

Just To Keep Up

I'd like to welcome my new minions to the fold.
There are only two rules:

1. You must be able work 24/7 without pay, of coarse, in my plot for World Domination.
2. You must be able to sacrifice yourselves and endure a messy, painful death. If needed.

I will not accept weirdos in hot pink tutus with black lace and glitter. Your costumes and laser death ray guns will be arriving in the mail soon. There are no capes allowed. I wear the cape because I am your leader. BWAAAHahahahahahahahaaahahahhaaaasnort!

Mmmkay, on to bigger and brighter things.

I got busted by David yesterday. He came home early for lunch and I got caught sweeping the car port and the courtyard which is our backyard. Very tiny area that's just big enough for a patio table and chairs, a few plastic book stands I use for plants and pots, that big fucking potting table that's a bitch to move even though it has wheels cause David had use big fucking 2X4's or whatever you call them to make it, and the grill, oh and plants.

Anywho, I just got so tired of the leaves from last fall and winter piled up in the corners that I couldn't resist cleaning. What am I to do... I hate vegging out. So now I'm busted and grounded. No house work and no yard work of any kind. "Nothing strenuous for three weeks is what the doctor said" David said in a whiny voice. Yeah, whatever! So now I'm bored and I have to wear my back brace too. Shit!! Someone please come get me. I'm so tired of this.

In regards to trying to make comments back to my readers who have commented on some of my posts. Thank you for the get well praises, the compliments and all the other stuff. I do wish I could comment on my own blog comments back to you but Blogger is fucked up as usual. Sorry.

Check out what I found out yesterday after I got busted. I was  on the web, just strolling through and I found this:

This explains it all now.

Shoot The IT Assholes

Someone need to go over to Google and shoot the IT assholes that are fucking up blogger. I can't even comment on my own blog and say thanks to my followers. This is getting out of hand. Google Blogger IT people, get your shit together before you decide to unleash a new update on blogger. THINK ABOUT IT SHIT BAGS!!!!You might lose bloggers to Wordpress.