MY MINIONS

*********************************************************************************

Count Down To:

Warning! - This Blog May Contain:

violence, terrible grammar, gratuitous sex, strong odors, seed porn, and possibly improper French

Friday, March 30, 2012

A Very Demotivational Friday

These are just a few of my favorites.
Enjoy, my pets.










Thursday, March 29, 2012

OMFG!!!!

SHIT!!
Zen Puppy has reached Nirvana
Y'all know how I am with my Kung Pao Chicken From Wanchai Ferry, right? It's like fucking Nirvana people! Well I was playing around in Amazon where I have it on hold. They just notified me and I just got an order done and out!!!

OMFG!!! I'm dancing like crazy in my mind! Fuck Me Senseless!!! I don't believe it!!  I have four boxes of this Gold coming to my house in 4 days.

Okay - okay, I gotta calm down. David will be home soon.

WTF!??

Just when you thought it was safe to catch the little fuckers. Glad I don't need a hunting permit. It's hard enough catching them as it is!


Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Giveaway at Megaly's New Blog

Megaly has just started a new writing blog at http://www.magalyguerrero.com/ . If you love cool twisted stories like I am, yes, yes I am twisted, you'll check it out. She is having an Amazon.com $13 gift card giveaway for idea comments to a story she is working on.

So go have fun and read what she has so far and then put your take on the story. You should also read the ideas from all her readers that she has in the comments section. Some of these people are sick and twisted. Just like me.

Spiders ... Yuck!!

 David and I were outside last night sitting in the courtyard talking and enjoying the evening.  It's very rare when I can actually sit outside with the hubster and have serious conversations about crazy people in our neighborhood, squirrels, the Mother Ship. You know, really serious stuff. Then we got to talking about what bugs we hated the most, and spiders came up in the conversation. I truly hate spiders. I don't care what size they are, I just hate the little fuckers. They're ugly and they were brought here by aliens to wipe us out. That's the bottom line. They don't belong on Earth.

My hate for them really started when we were stationed in Hawaii. Dad was in Korea at the time. It was a fun time to be eight years old. Except for the humongous fugly house spiders. Well there just happened to be one in the garage of my grandma's house. My sister pointed it out to me. There it was plastered on the ceiling.

Now the reason we were in there with the alien was because we had to get some things out of the car. My sister was scared to go in there because of the spider. I went into the car for her because that thing was way up high. It would take time for it to get down. So I got the books out of the car and I did something you never do in a garage in Hawaii with a big fucking ugly spider the size of a kitten, no doubt they eat them. I slammed the door of the car and it vibrated the garage.

That fucker jumped down from the ceiling and jumped on me and I started dancing around trying to beat the fucker off me. Sorta like Kermit, below. It didn't bite me or anything. It just jumped off me and ran away. But I can still remember the feel of that thing jumping on me. It really had some weight to it.


Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Monday, March 26, 2012

Some Annoying Shit

I can't go through a single day around here without having something piss me off to no end. So I am going to add a new post to my weekly, or is it weakly, fuck it! Whatever! Here are some of the things that fucking tick me off.

* Loud kids next door playing basketball. They scream when they throw the ball and miss the fucking basket and hit our house. This causes the puppies to bark their heads off and I have to yell at them to shut up. Not the kids the puppies.

* People who stop five fucking car lengths from the stop light for no reason except to piss me off. Or it seems that way. They can barely see above the steering wheel and they are holding on for dear life to it. If you are afraid to drive then get a friend or bus it.

* While I'm on people who left their brains in the jar beside their bed and went driving. What makes me laugh is the kids cars. Some have these loud little cars, and I do mean little, with the duel exhaust pipes to make them louder and the huge fucking wing on the back of the car. That's not a spoiler dumb ass. So WTF is that for!?
     #1 You are what I call Euro-trash. Trying to imitate fine European sports cars. It ain't working kid. Your car has gone through the shifting of all the gears and you only moved maybe 8 feet in doing so. Wow your car sounded hot and wild with that Turbo you put in, but what?!? You got nowhere.
WTF!!??
     #2 WTF is that wing for anyways? Is it to pull your silly assed car out of a deep pot hole?!? "Yeah, guys, lets grip onto the wing and pull'er out." Gotta watch out for those pot holes while shifting.
     #3 Now there are the wheels bigger than the wheel well. Do you dumb fuckers know that it makes your car look like you got wagon wheels on? Yeah, just like in the old days of the Cowboys and Indians. It's seriously stupid looking. Funny thing is that the car looks like shit but those rims are gleaming bright and shiny, huh. Probably just one rim cost's more than the car itself.
Sorta makes you wanna think, WHY??

Friday, March 23, 2012

Funny Friday

Thursday, March 22, 2012

New Dark Shadows Movie

At first I thought this was going to SUCK, but then I saw the trailer and laughed my ass off. I gotta see this movie!!  Tim Burton really butchered the shit out of the soap opera and made it into something funnier than shit. It's very campy.

My favorite line from Johnny Depp is when he tells Angelique "You may strategically place your wonderful lips upon my posterior and kiss it repeatedly!" 
 I love it!

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Gang Signs

I hope this clears up any problems for those of us who have no idea what these gang signs are and what they really mean to other gang members.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Vernal Equinox

Spring is here in Texas and so is the Spring Equinox. After a bad night of rain, heavy lightning and hard blowing winds, the morning is turning out to be fresh and clean.

I gathered up a few things for my alter and some flowers for my hair for my ceremony this afternoon. The sun is expected to be over the Equator at 12:14 Central Time. So I need to hustle to get started cause I slept in this morning till 10:30. Stayed up with the puppies cause of the thunder last night.

Monday, March 19, 2012

I Hate Mondays

Hol-ee Roller Ball
Best dog toy ever cause they
last a long time.
I was sleeping so peacefully this morning. I was in the perfect position, perfect spot in bed - nice and soft, perfectly calm with not an ounce of pain until the crash in the TV room. Yes, the puppies were playing hard again and Spunkers has a Hol-ee Roller ball he likes to throw around for himself and the girls. Then they fight over it. The thing is like a massive 10 inches in diameter. Well, the Spunkinator threw it right through a window next to David's computer.

When I came hobbling into the room all three puppies were hiding under my art table. Lucy was shaking visibly as usual losing hair but that's beside the point. They knew they did bad.
"Who broke the window," I bellowed?
They pushed themselves harder into the wall to hide. I had to do everything I could to keep from laughing. I wished I could keep my camera on me more often cause these little waifs were looking so fucking cute for bad dogs.

Lucky for them that most of the glass was outside. I got David on the phone and told him about the problem. First he was pissed but then he laughed when I told him about the puppies and how they hid themselves. So now he is on the phone calling for a glass replacement and I just finished cleaning up all the mess.

As for the puppies ... their big toys are going outside now. The weather is gorgeous and not too hot for them to play more outside. David put up a tether ball for them to jump and hit at, which they dearly love. Except Spunky can't see it in the bright light of the day so he plays with it in the evening when the sun is going down. Poor old man is in his 60's now and going blind. Nothing we can do about it. The girls help him by finding his toys for him. I take him on daily walks, slower than usual cause I hobble but he doesn't seem to mind.

Right now the little brats are sleeping on their blankets in the TV room. I have plastic on the broken window space until the guy gets here in a couple of hours. All is well until the next crisis hits.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Be Vewy Vewy Quiet. I'm Searching For Chinese Amawican Gold. Huh huh Huh huh huh!


I was thinking of taking a drive over to New Braunfels to the HEB and Wally World to find something that has completely become like gold. I mean to tell ya it's fucking precious. People are hording this shit, they must be. Some stupid fat assed bitch with coupons is clearing the shelves of this stuff and I can't find ONE box to save my sorry craving life.

What am I talking about?  Wanchai Ferry Kung Pao Chicken. It's my favorite Bow wow Meow meow food ever! I can make it spicy or so fucking hot it burns your butt hairs off when you take a shit. It's the best ever!!

Yes, I know. I always make my own Bow wow Meow meow.  But I can never get this sauce just the right flavor. I screw it up every time and waste a complete meal. I'm an utter failure at Kung Pao sauce.

So David being the most fantastic hubby/plaything ever, went to Amazon.com and put us on A FUCKING WAITING LIST for it!!!  WTF!!!!  It's even on a shortage on Amazon! SHIT!!!! I'll probably get struck by lightning before I get another box of this stuff.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

I Am Soooo Fucked Up In The Head

If you didn't read yesterdays post then get your silly ass to it. I'll wait ....... mmmkay.  I'm really mental but David doesn't know it yet so let's just keep it a secret for now, ok? I posted that I wished I could still do things like I wanted when I was in my twenty's or whatever.

Do y'all remember the movie Top Gun? Sure you do. Everybody and their mother had big hair and drove Trans Ams or was it Yugos. Anywho, I've always wanted to fly an F14 like in the movie. You know the part where Maverick and Goose come up on a Mig upside down and take the pilot's picture. That part is at the end of the video at about 4:00.


Well in my mind I'm flying in on the Mig, just like Maverick does, but things start falling into the canopy of my fighter. Like my lipstick, a curling iron, a hair brush, fuzzy dice, spare change, six white mice and a pumpkin, you know ... girl stuff. The Mig pilot see's that I'm a female and bugs out. PMS and all that shit probably scares him.

Yeah, I know.  I'm crazy. But I'm fun

Monday, March 12, 2012

Okay, I'm back Again

Yes I just love to torture you all to hell and back. I've been out with bronchitis which nearly got my fat fluffy ass thrown into the hospital with pneumonia. David started it. He gave me his cold. The shit.

Wicked little CO2 BB Gun
Anywho, I'm back in full swing. I am also making David buy me a CO2 BB gun as compensation so I have something to do with my time outside this spring. Like shooting these fucking plant up-rooting squirrels!

I caught two of the little fuckers digging up my brand new tomato plants. These bastids are looking for all the pecans they buried before the winter. So now they think anything in the garden or in a planter pot is a possible hiding place.

I also did a great deal of thinking while I was coughing up a lung and my spleen. I thought about all the things I wished I could have done or wanted to do when I was younger. I also thought about the things I hate and love and evil plans. So in upcoming blog entries I will be writing about these things. Therefore you will be forced to read them all ... BWAAAHAHAAhaahaaahaahahahahaaa,snort. sorry.
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...