MY MINIONS

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Warning! - This Blog May Contain:

violence, terrible grammar, gratuitous sex, strong odors, seed porn, and possibly improper French

Friday, July 30, 2010

Sorry but my back is acting up again

I'm going to be out of commission my dear minions. It seems my back is acting up once more ...yeah even after having the last pain blocker 2 weeks ago. Sorry, but I need to stay in bed on the heating pad for a while until I can get in for the next shot. So take care my dears and I will be back soon as possible.
xoxoxoxoxoxox

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Stupid Bloggers

I have to get something off my chest... It's about STUPID bloggers who don't check their sources and write about something or post something for what it is. If you are going to put a video on your blog about someone speaking, and they happen to be of the " other party affiliation or color or whatever you hate "  so to speak , or you just don't care for that person, then CHECK YOUR SOURCES STUPID!!!!

I am speaking of the Sherrod/ Breitbart situation. If you haven't seen or heard of it by now then let me bring you up to speed real quick on this matter.  Agriculture Department employee Shirley Sherrod was fired by Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack  last week because a Conservative blogger, Andrew Breitbart posted an edited video of Sherrod on his blog. Vilsack realized later that the video was edited and saw the whole speech Sherrod made that wasn't messed with. WHEW!!

The blogger made a big mistake. First of all he didn't check the source of the video or the fact that it was edited. Still he posted it. So now she will sue the blogger who posted an edited video of her making racially tinged remarks. I know I would sue him too and make an effort to show people on the web that you can't pass crap around without checking if it's true. It's the same with emails. Check if it's true before you forward it on to your friends. There are plenty of places that you can look to see if it's a hoax or not. Just please check your sources.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

I'm Busy, Don't Bother Me

It messes with my sleep patterns when people call during the day asking for David. Don't they know he works for a living? It's not like I have all day to answer the phone for him either. I have my blog to write,  coffee to drink,  blogs to read,  puppies to feed and play with,  surf the Web, take my 4 hour nap,  play Zuma's Revenge,  watch trailer trash on Jerry Springer,  cook dinner and still look good for him when he comes home. It's not like I goof off all day long. I'm really busy here !!

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Hot As Hell ... Where's The A/C

We were doing really well out here where I am in Texas. Cool mornings, then warm afternoons. Who the heck opened up the Gates of Hell !! It hasn't hit 100 yet but the humidity is getting really dangerous. Yesterday I went outside with my hubby/plaything to see my step-daughter and her hubby/plaything off cause they came down from Austin to visit her Gramma a spell and I thought I was gonna DIE !!! I mean it was only 96 out. I started to turn red and I got tired and out of breath all of a sudden. It was scary as shit. I came inside and immediately stood in front of the A/C but it wouldn't help. I had to take a cool shower to bring myself around. Then I went to lay down for a minute. I have no idea what the hell happened. David says I had a bad reaction from my BP (blood pressure) drugs. So happens he was right. We looked it up on Drug Digest and sure enough. It pissed me off cause I owe him $5 again. I hate making bets with him cause I always lose. I have to remember to never do that. So far I owe that man $7,565.00. I wonder if he's saving up for a boat.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

WOW !! My First Award !!

I came into my blog this morning and I noticed a comment on my latest post. Wendy has deemed me worthy of an award. This is my first award since I started blogging 2 months ago. This means a lot to me Wendy, I love it !!  There are a few stipulations in receiving this lovely award.

1. Thank the blogger that gave you the award.
2. Sum up your blogging philosophy, motivation, experience, using 10 words.
3. Pass the award on to 10 other blogs you feel have substance.

Ok so here goes. Wendy over at Butterflies and Breezes has a lovely blog from down-under. I have been following her blog for about a couple of weeks now and it's a great blog. There's a photo of her grandson with an elephant mask on. It's so cute, made me laugh too. Thank you SO much for this award Wendy. It's my first ever !!! I'm so thankful for it.

My motivation for this blog ... "life makes me laugh." That's only 4 words but it's my motivation for this blog. I love making people smile. As I see it there isn't enough laughter in the world and  If you can't laugh at the silly world then there is something wrong with you. Goddess knows all my friends, including my hubby/plaything, only come around me when they need a good laugh. I guess my outlook in life recharges their batteries. I guess after my car accident in '92,  I've taken a look and noticed that life is so short and too funny to let it pass us by. I just take a good look around me, laugh, and late notes of the funny things to pass them along to you my minions.

Wow !! 10 bloggers to pass this award on to. There are so many that I follow so I'll have to really think about this.
#1.  Mrs. B. over at Confessions of a Pagan Soccer Mom  is my inspiration for writing a blog in  the first place. You got me into this... now get me out, Dambit !!  She told me on Facebook that it was fun... she was sooooo right. Thanks hon.

#2.  Inannasstar over at Ramblings of a Domestic Goddess  is another blogger that inspires me to no end. She is a tough little New Jersey cookie who will tear you a new one if you piss her off. But she's really a pussycat. YOU ROCK !!! WOMAN !!

#3.  She goes by the name of Whispering Writer over at Airing My Dirty Laundry, One Sock at a Time  is another great blogger that I stalk shamelessly. You always make me smile like an idiot.

#4.  K at Banterings of a Basketcase Did your kids really do that to your hair? I just love it ! It's so RAD !!!

#5. The Cashier over at Confessions of a Cashier you got balls girl. I have to laugh at the things you say cause they are so dang true.

#6  Kalynn over at Kacklin' With Kalynn ... a fellow Texan, you are not the only dog butt magnet out there. I love your blog hon.

#7.  LivingDeadNurse at Living DeadNurses Psycho Ward I love your blog woman!! You're another one that ROCKS !!

#8.  Bloojay over at Losing Weight With Witchcraft girlfriend, you give me motivation to lose it.

#9.  Judith at Merlin's Magical Mistress cool new blog woman. I love stalking you too cause I
 know something insightful or entertaining will be on your blog.

#10.. Last but not least... Aunt Becky at Mommy Wants Vodka Funniest woman I've ever read. You are another inspiration to my blogging.

These are the blogs that touch my life, Inspire me,  make me wonder and laugh. I have so many blogs that I stalk that I wanted to give this award to. Maybe next award I'll get to you.

Holy Cow More Minions !!!

I was yacking with a friend on Youtwitface... I mean Facebook.com. He was saying that he just got his CPR certification.  My reply was that I did that... smacking the dummy in the face to wake it up . Yelling in it's ear. Then humping it's chest and doing a lot of heavy breathing. Wait, sorry. That was waking David up for something I think.

Anywho, I noticed I now have a whole new bunch of minions, I mean lurkers... you know... you guys that stalk my blog then run back to report your findings to other stalkers and they in turn run back here and become lurkers and then decide to become minions and then join the Stalkers Sanction of America. That's A.S.S. backwards , and they stalk me as well.  Ok, so I explained that pretty well I thought. Thanks to Mrs. B, I now have 27 lovely minions readers. Welcome to my humble abode. Feel free to lurk look around... just don't break anything. Yes I am truly this crazy. Always, in fact. I'm certifiable, bonafide for sure. And it's not the heat that's made me like this.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Another Friday Funny



I dove into my email video stash and found today's funny for you my minions. I'm not fond of the Fishing Channel ... David loves that stuff. But I thought you would really enjoy this. I nearly died laughing when I played it. But for some reason it won't play. It might be the Blogger uploading so I have backup on this one. I have the Youtube.com site where I also found it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NgFhJN4H0T0&feature=Play
Enjoy and have a great weekend.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

New And Improved

I guess you noticed, my dear minions, I've been very busy today . I'm trying to get my blog renovated again cause the old stuff was expiring at midnight tonight and I got tired of the way it looked, so yes you are in the right place. I also added some more buttons and changed the layout. I think this will work pretty well considering I have no idea why I'm writing a blog in the first place.

At first I thought it would be a great way to write my thoughts and ramblings ... but my thoughts are very disturbing to say the least and I do tend to ramble. Then I thought I would just write my dreams so I could go back to read them later and think WTF was I on at the time I did that. So, my minions, this is what I do for my entertainment around here. I'm writing down my thoughts for your enjoyment. May the Goddess have mercy on your poor misguided asses.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

PLEASE VOTE FOR ME

Ok. Another try at this one my minions. I am up for votes on Blogspot for Humorous Blogs. Would you please go to it and if you think I deserve it would you please vote for my blog. Now there are other great blogs out there I know cause I have them listed and I love reading them. But please vote for (ME ME ME) the blog (MINE MINE MINE) you think is the (MINE MINE MINE) best at humor. Thank you for your support. Oh and you can vote every day too.

You can make blog buttons and have them scrolling in a day

Mrs. B. just wrote in her blog about how to make your blog buttons and how to get the scrolling code box for the buttons you collect. Check her blog out and play around with it or you can run around in my blog and locate the 2 blog entries I wrote on how to do it. I tried to make it as simple as possible cause I know from my own experience as a non-savvy computer person... I don't know Jack when it comes to all that jargon about  Photobucket photo hosting, saving and such.  I just know to right click and buy the stuff. But these thingys are free my minions. And if you take the time to read what I wrote in my previous entries you will get it.
"Bath" is a foul mouthed, four letter word to our puppies, Lucy especially. She hates baths. If you mention that word in front of her she tucks her ears and tail and slinks off to the kitchen to hide under her blankets in her bed. I mean to tell ya... she will walk from the room, looking back at you the whole way like you just condemned her to life in prison without parole.  She will hide for 10 minutes. And then after that 10 minutes when she feels safe, cause she hears David and I talking about something else or if we mention food or dinner, she comes out.

Our puppies are so smart that David and I have to spell shit when we talk. They seem to know what we are saying. Like if David says he has to go to Home Desperate Depot(his toy store) to get a new aluminum lined fly swatter cause I mangled the last one killing a family reunion of wasps in the car port, that instantly signals a car ride for everybody. All 3 puppies think they have to go and help daddy drive to the store... and they will fight to ride shotgun if they are allowed to go.

When we were renovating the house Spunky would go with David and I to Home Desperate Depot to buy wood and paint and such...he loved to ride on the wagons that they have for transporting wood ... tongue hanging out, salivating. And that was just David. Spunky was always a gentleman. Never peed or barked the whole time we were in there. Spunky is such a cute little dog. He didn't whine or cry like David did when I had to drag him away from the Makita saws and tools.

I guess if you take great care in bringing your pets up and teach them right from wrong and don't beat them or leave them outside in bad weather, they turn out to be the sweetest little babies you could ever have.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

I Would Do Anything For My Hubby/Plaything, Except...

We all say the words, "for richer, for poorer, In sickness and in health..."  I really love my sweetie David and I would die for him, but I will not do this.

Last night we were watching reruns of Real House Bitches of New Jersey.  And out of the blue David asked me a favor. I decided to have some fun with him... so I took his hands in mine and batted my eyelashes as I looked fondly into his big hazel eyes and said, "anything for you my love." Then he asked me. I jumped over to the other side of the couch and said no. Not only no but "Hell No!" Noooooooo, neh eh, no way Jose, heck no, not without a note. NO!

As I said, I will do anything for my hubby/plaything cause I love him. I will cut his toe nails when they get too long which allows him to climb trees effortlessly. I will light and throw the dynamite for him when he's fishing. I will cut and style the hair on his back, and lovingly file the rough skin off his feet for him. I have seen some nasty, ugly things in my life... mangled people from car wrecks in the ER. Bloody stumps from missing limbs and an autopsy or two. But I will not go get Q-tips to clean out his nasty hairy ears. That is a big NO!  I am not a maggot. It ain't gonna happen... ever.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Gangs in My Town

We have some giant bugs out here in Texas. I guess it's the water or something... who knows. But yesterday I was calling the puppies into the house and this humongous red wasp lumbered into the house with them. He was about 2 inches in length and I don't mean wing tip to wing tip. He was hovering around in my kitchen and the puppies were barking at it. I was scared that it would attack them because it was throwing gang signs at my barking babies. The sucker had the audacity to come after me next with a knife so I grabbed the fly swatter that David bought 3 weeks ago from his "toy store". It has a layer of aluminum embedded inside the plastic weave. I swatted him and knocked the knife away. Then I picked his dazed ass up with the swatter and put him out on the courtyard table outside. I think it took all of 2 seconds before he got up, shook his body, cussed me up and down and then said something about getting his gang after me... or something like that. I told David about it when he got back from the bank. He thinks I was lying. That man never believes me when I tell him what goes on around here during my day.

Friday, July 16, 2010

I went crazy but when am I not and added something new to my blog for you, my minions, to read other then my long winded crap that I unload on you. It's my deep thoughts. I put it in list form so I could add to it whenever I get a deep thought. This way I don't bother my poor hubby/plaything all the time with something trivial. Like this one that's been bothering me since yesterday.

Do you need a silencer if you're going to shoot a mime?

I mean really, should I use one? Questions like that really make me wonder. And they bug the shit out of David too, especially when I ask them. So I have decided to spare my poor hubby and leave these for you, my minions to ponder. Just don't hurt yourselves doing it.


 

Friday Funnies

We have many brothers and sisters that are Pagan in the armed forces. I found this while cleaning out my old emails... yes I'm a cyber pack rat. I save all my funny emails. I don't know who the author is but whoever you are ... thank you.



Military Pagans


How to tell if you're a Military Pagan:
 
1.  When you use a flame-thrower to light the altar candles.
 
2.  When your athame has a bayonet attachment to fit on your M-16.
 
3.  When your robe is made of camouflage material.


4.  When your cakes & wine come from MRE's.
 
5.  When your book of shadows contains plans on defusing bombs, poison   antidotes and basic survival techniques.
 
6.  When your circle is marked by barb-wire.
 
7.  When you have to ride an ATV or HumVee to get to the Covenstead.
 
8.  When you use an artillery shell casing for your God symbol.
 
9.  When you take down a tent to move the Covenstead.
 
10. When your familiar is either a Doberman, Rotweiller or German Shepherd.
 
11. When you use a hubcap for a scrying dish.
 
12. When you use teargas to smudge when doing banishings.
 
13. When your goddess symbol is Tank Girl.
 
14. When 1st degree training includes Ninjisu or other forms of martial arts.
 

15. When your circle name is Spike, Slash, Ripcord, Hawkeye, Bubba, or anything that ends with 'ster'. See photo on right for Spike, Slash, and Rip..um  cord. Uh yeah, uh huh. My, my, my goodness. I do love men in military uh, uniform. Hmmmmm. Wuff.

 Ok, uh yeah, lost my whole train of thought there. 

16. When you use machine gun fire to cast your circle.
 
17. Instead of using an acorn or pine cone, you use a hand grenade for a God symbol (if there isn't an artillery shell available).
 
18. When you use a compass for a divination tool.
 
19. When you use a bullet on a string for a pendulum.
 
20. When you call your High Priest "Commander", and your High Priestess "General" or "Bitch Queen". 



Have a really nice fun weekend my minions. Love you all. xoxoxoxoxoxox
 

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Oh I Just Remembered ...

Well now. David finally figured out how he hurt his hand . You see when you do something stupid as cutting off a finger with a table saw as he did. Your mind goes into a safety mode. It tends to block all the information that you really really need to explain how you did that to yourself when it closes itself down to protect itself from shock. I experienced this when my car was rear ended in 1992 by an 18 wheeler. My mind shut down and believe me the lights were on but nobody was home. I couldn't remember anything from the accident for months.

Anywho I'm getting offtrack with the hubby/plaything's problem here. He finally remembered yesterday what he did. He said he remembered that he needed to turn off the table saw cause he was finished. So he leaned down to cut the thing off. The switch is below and to the side of the table. But in doing so he placed his hand accidentally  - without watching what he was doing on the running blade of the saw. He cut off his pointer finger and cut the remaining fingers in the process. EEEEeeew, yeah I know...it's gross.

He is now at work and the newly nominated poster child of the year for Plant Safety by all his office buddies. Ironically ... get this gang. He so happens to be on the Plant Safety Committee.  OOOOOOOh that smarts huh?

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Some fun facts on why witches don't worship the devil

Recently a friend from where I used to work at came over to say hi and see how I was doing. We were having coffee and talking and she happened to notice my book collection on witchcraft and my alter stuff. The much dreaded question came up about belief in God and Satan,  so I loaned her a book that I had that explains my religion and what it means to me. She was upset by the fact that I didn't believe in Satan or Hell, my excuse was that I hate competition and that I said it was manifested by Christian Priests to keep their converts in line. I also had a few things to show her on-line and one was the funny stuff about why we don't believe in Satan. Soooo here is something from an email that I showed her. Enjoy


TOP 10 REASONS WHY WITCHES DON'T WORSHIP THE DEVIL...
 
#10. Scorch marks on the furniture whenever Satan manifests.
 
#9. Not even Lysol can mask the smell of brimstone.
 
#8. It's hard to keep the flaming goat skulls lit when Satan isn't around.
 
#7. It's getting hard to find any blond virgins.
 
#6. Repeated stooping motion from administering the 'kiss of shame' is   hard on the older coven members.
 
#5. Cat keeps playing with Satan's tail, which really annoys him.
 
#4. Demons smell worse than the brimstone.
 
#3. Blood from sacrifices is hard to get out of the carpet.
 
#2. The wailing of the dammed souls in hell keeps the neighbors awake at night.
 
AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY WITCHES DO NOT WORSHIP SATAN IS...
(DRUM ROLL PLEASE..)
 
#1. We cannot worship something that doesn't exist.

Author: Anonymous 

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Yes I'm Back to Torture You * evil grin*

I'm back for a few moments my Minions friends. I just wanted to let you know I'm still alive. Oh shit, yeah I know. Thought I died huh. Yeah well not today cause I checked the obits in 3 newspapers and it didn't happen yet. Sorry. But right now, I'd kill for a Cafe Mocha Vicodin Latte. Screw the Vodka I want my coffee and drugs.

David goes back to work so it will be a nice quiet day for me especially after The Week From HELL. He has an appointment to get his stitches out this morning. He saw his doctor on Friday to change the bandages and the wuss he didn't want to see what his fingers looked like. I wasn't allowed back there so I never got to see. Dang!!! I love that gross stuff too. When you work in a hospital you see all the cool gross stuff. I even got to sit in on a couple of autopsies in the past 10 years working. It was a minor requirement to do so anyways. In my profession it's a plus factor to the job.

I finally got another shot yesterday afternoon. It was my appointment to have the second set of nerves killed but my doctor changed the idea of it to just a Spinal Block. He said if this didn't work then he would go back in and kill the nerves. Personally I wish he could just kill all the damned nerves right now. I'm still in pain and this time it feels worse. I've got to stay on ice packs for the next 12 hours or at least until 2:30 in the afternoon and then change to the heating pad. Wish I could do the heating pad now... my ass is probably frozen solid. If I were to accidentally slip and fall I swear it would shatter into a million pieces. All I would need now was to super glue my ass back together. At least I could make it smaller, ahahahahaa.

Well my minions friends it's time to change this ice pack for a colder one and go lay down to let it work.
Ta  Ta  xoxoxoxox

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Thank Yous Are in Order

I'll be busy for a while my beloved minions. So, this will be like a sporadic type thingy with me coming to post on my blog in the coming weeks. I sprang the hubster yesterday morning from the hospital. He was so happy to see his momasan just like the little puppy he is. He was a bit goofy from the pain killer the nurses gave him but I couldn't tell cause he's like that all the time at home. He called his boss to let him know what had happened and a few coworkers too. But guess what was the first thing he did as soon as he sat down. He fired up his puter and was on the internet before I came inside from the car with all his stuff from the hospital. My Goddess, it was like he had gone through withdrawal or something I guess cause he was on it like a fly on hot shit. He was checking emails and reading his Yahoo page news and all just as if he never left. His puter is constantly on all day long, even when he goes outside to mow the lawn or visit his Toy Store. That thing is on. When he went to go sleep for a couple of hours... it was on. I check stuff on mine but then if I'm done I turn it off. I do this only twice a day. His puter is an addiction. Worse then fishing was with his first marriage

Ok I have to praise the wonderful nurses and various techs and the doctors here at our hometown hospital Guadalupe Regional. They were wonderful. In fact everyone from the ER staff on down to the Surgical Floor staff. You all ROCK!!!! You took care of my hubby/plaything like he was the most important person alive. I am indebted to you all. Thank You from the bottom of my heart.

Well he is sleeping soundly for now all doped up for a while. We had our neighbors come over to see how he is. Thanks guys for taking care of his toys ( His table saw and various tools) and stashing them away while I was on my way to the hospital with the ambulance. I am indebted to you all also. I will repay you all somehow soon I promise.

I was able to reschedule my  second Facet Injection on Monday afternoon. I think I can survive the pain even though it seems to be getting worse every day. I wish there was never a thing called arthritis in our world. Damn, I wish a lot of things but this is the worse pain I have ever felt, and I shudder to think of what cancer is like. My heart goes out to those that suffer from stuff worse then mine. Speaking of pain... My best friend, Darvocet has kicked in so I'm going to bed now cause I have an appointment with my family doctor in the morning bright and early.
Love and light and Brightest Blessings to all of you my readers and my beloved minions. Thank you all for your well wishes in the past few days. I haven't been able to acknowledge you all who commented on my past blog entries because I'm so busy now days... so Thank You All. xoxoxoxox

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Called Off Due to Table Saw

Well, hubby/plaything went and done it now. He was cutting pieces for the Adirondack chairs he was making and he mangled his right hand in the table saw. His poor happily sedated ass is stuck in the hospital awaiting surgery to sew up the fingers and finish the job the saw didn't on his pointer finger. It will be amputated to the second knuckle from the tip.  Needless to say he won't be able to "hunt and peck" type with that finger anymore.

So now I have cancelled the procedure for my back and I'll call the Doctor to reschedule it later ... maybe next week. Right now I'm not so worried about my ass as I am his. He's gonna be in screaming pain come tomorrow so I get to play Charge Nurse when I get him home. *Evil Grin* When I went to check on him just a few minutes ago. The nurses had given him some kind of Demerol cocktail ... like why didn't they wait for me. He didn't even share. Hell I thought this marriage thing was for richer, for poorer, share and share alike when it comes to the good drugs, till death do us part. What is this crap anyways? See if I share my drugs with him next week.

I Have an Emergency Appointment Tomorrow

Guess what my lovely minions friends. I have an emergency appointment tomorrow morning at 0830 for another Facet Injection. YEA!!!  I have to be at the Christus Santa Rosa- Physician's Ambulatory Center for this minor surgical procedure bright and early. My doctor will go in with the needles and apply a radio frequency to kill the next set of nerves in my back that are causing me so much pain. This time they will be using IV sedation known as Twilight. That's because I had a really bad reaction last time he stuck the needles in my spinal area. I went into shock and it scared the shit out of the doctor and nurses. You see this is not a hospital... it's an Outpatient Procedures facility. So they have to take a bit more precautions with certain hostages patients . 

If you don't know what all this is about then go back a few posts... more like 2 or 3 weeks and there is an explanation of it with pictures even. Yes !! I even thought of pictures of the whole gruesome procedure so you would understand what I am going to go through. I am hoping this will kill the pain because right now it feels like my spine is made of glass and it's about to pop in too. 

So this means I will not be able to post for the next few days or so... depending on what happens. But when I do come back I'll be as feisty as ever and full of piss and vinegar. So my sweet minions take care and be safe... for I shall return !!

Ok, what did I get on the humble meter??
Where and when did I get 15 minions?? Crap how am I gonna feed you all. I'll have to apply for Welfare now, shit !! And my day was going really good so far.

David is being a pain as usual. Before I would be working at the hospital so I didn't see him all day cause I worked nights and slept during the day. But now since I have this arthritis in my back, I have no choice but to have him hanging around bothering me all day long. Don't get me wrong I love my hubby/plaything to death. But if he doesn't find something to do soon without bothering me every 10 minutes to come check out what he just did... I'm going to have to hide a body and real soon like.

I don't know if anyone has heard this yet... but it is about a little girl, Savanna, who talks to a 911 dispatcher for her dad who is having a heart attack. The dad starts out trying to talk to the 911 dispatcher but can't so Savanna takes over. I wanted to post this on Father's Day but I wasn't feeling well that week. I can't let this go.  You have to listen to how well this sweet little girl handles an emergency. Please listen to it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P6cksmhtGWs&feature=related

Monday, July 5, 2010

Awesome giveaway at The Ravens Barrow

There is this really cool giveaway for retractable fangs that The Barrow is giving away. It's an awesome blog too. So you just have to go check this out!!  I may just go and buy myself a few of these little goodies for Halloween.

Oh Crap

HELP !!! PLEASE HELP ME !!!!
David is changing the kitchen faucet washer again. I tried to keep my mouth shut but he found out that it was leaking again when he used it last night. Goddess help me!!!
He said he was going to make it work without leaking or change the damned faucet out completely. What am I going to do. He will be here for a whole week. *sob* What will I do???

He had me follow him outside earlier and asked what branches needed to be severed because they were to low in the street. Like he couldn't figure that out for himself? I might just fake a bad day and hide in bed so he won't bother me anymore or just pack the puppies into the car leave my cell phone and go for a  L O N G  ride in the country somewhere.

Oh Crap !!! I just heard a round of cussing and tool throwing coming from the kitchen. Dang and I thought this was going to be a nice quiet Monday morning. Be right back ... he's calling me to inspect his work.

Ok so I didn't have to call the plumbers out.  Right now he is so proud that he replaced the faucet rubber thingys for the 3rd time in 2 months. Big deal. Now he is outside power washing the house. Just wonderful.  I'll have to go around checking for leaking windows with towels. Lord and Lady help me I'm gonna kill him before our 8th anniversary.

How to make a blog button for your blog

It's bright and early . Wake up you lazy bones. This is important !!! 

Ok a lot of you are wondering ..."How the hell do I make a blog button?"
Well wonder no more my minions followers and fellow bloggers. I am here to show you how. Remember there will be a test at the end.

First of all you have to save the  "item" ...  that is the picture of what you want to make into a button. You need to save it to a desktop folder that you can access easily. I save all my crap pictures and stuff in a folder called "Blog Pics and Jokes". It is on my desktop so I can open it when I want to . Ok ... now you have done that. Next you will go to this web site :
http://mybannermaker.com/
Save this site to your bookmarks or whatever you like to call it. You might want to use it again for another blog or to change your button if you get bored on rainy days.
Ok... now in the button site scroll down until you find the box size you want for your button. Tap on the button size .
*NOTE*  not all blogs can take large buttons so keep it down to a reasonable size.
The size 180 x 150 is a nice size.
Next there will be small buttons on the bottom or beneath the button size you chose.
Just start from the left and work your way right. So the second button will be BACKGROUND:  There are 2 buttons  Top Color and Bottom Color. You can play around with these two colors all you like. These will be the shading for the background  colors.  Like if you pick red for both colors your button color just happens to be yellow. your background will take on a reddish orange hue. Get it? So pick a color light on the top and darker on the bottom.
Then the next button is for the button picture that you saved to your desktop folder. This is the part you needed to pay attention too.  Just hit on the BROWSE button right of the blank box and go to the picture you want for your button. hi on the picture and the text of where that button is will appear in the blank box. Then hit the UPLOAD button and wait for a minute. when it comes up ...there will be a very large picture on your screen. DON'T FREAK OUT !! Just go to the top left of the picture and click and hold your mouse button down and draw a box down with the cursor of your mouse. this is going to be the stuff that will appear in the box size you picked.  This will be your blog button . Hit the continue button on the bottom right of the picture.  You should now have a picture of the button you wanted... if not play with this part a bit until you get it right the way you want it. Cool so far huh?

Ok now you should be seeing the picture of the button you want and the next button on the bottom will be TEXT.  There are 4 blank areas below your button and one of them has text in it that starts out saying "This is your banner...."  ERASE ALL THE WORDS IN THAT BOX PLEASE. You wont need that in there.  These empty boxes are where your text will be on your button. If there was already text on your button when you copied it you can just erase the junk in the banner box that I told you to get rid of or you will have "This is your banner..." crap all over your button. That's why you need to do the erasing like I told you.
Now if you don't have anything on your button and you want the title of your blog to be on it write it in the spaces and play with the fonts where it says SAMPLE and there is color where you see the teeny tiny #FFFFFFFFF's 
PLEASE... leave the SIZE, OPACITY AND ANGLE buttons alone unless you feel good about these. You can always come back later some other time and play with these little guys when you have more guts.   Below all this stuff is the positioning buttons.  You can be brave here and play with these all you like. I left them alone. When you are finished with all this you can go to the next button under your button picture... BORDER : You can put a border on here for the button by sliding the little green slider. When you are finished here then hit the EFFECTS button below the picture of your button.  This place is where you can make cute sparklies or nothing at all on your button. Play around and have fun with this one too. Then hit the last button called SAVE.
When you hit this it will take you to the last thing you have to do and that is choosing how you want to have this all saved. Under BANNER CODE OPTIONS: Pick the first button that says NORMAL BANNER and then the little box that says SHOW CODE BOX BELOW THE BANNER. Then scroll down to the large box that says "Save The Whales Banner". there will be something of a an advertisement that comes up in green and black. In the green box on the right it says Continue on free... hit that sucker and  you will see your finished button with the text box below it high lighted in dark teal like color. Right click on the teal text to save it and go to your blogger dashboard. Then hit the DESIGN button, then the ADD A GADGET on the left or right side of your blogger layout. Then scroll down until you find the HTML/JavaScript add on. Hit that rascal and left click to get to the Content window. Right click to unload the button there and then don't forget to go back up to the Title part and name this HTML thingy.  Something like "TAKE MY BUTTON- PLEASE"  Then position it where you want to on your blog and save save save .... You are done my dears and you now have a spanking new button for all to add to theirs. Now wasn't that fun?

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Happy 4th Of July

Happy 4th of July y'all. Hope it is a safe one for you, your family  and friends. We had the "Biggest Small Town 4th of July Parade" yesterday afternoon and then the fireworks last night cause today is a church day for all the Christians and such. Poor things go and waste a perfect morning in church lady prison church when they could be having fun like us heathens runnin around nekked and mating like rabbits in the woods. Well that's what one neighbor calls them, I mean us. Well David and I went out for breakfast this morning At IHOP. The streets were deserted except for us Pagans ahahahahaa.

Anywho David and I, well, I mean David cut the grass while I watched from the porch. No, I'm not lazy, I have back problems and if it ever gets better I'm tearing up that yard for a veggie garden from hell. Oh yeah baby!!
But for now I am complying with my hubby/plaything's wishes and being the good wife that I am, I promise not to do any house or yard work for a whole week while he is torturing me at home on Plant shutdown. Lucky duck gets a week off paid cause the plant he works at shuts down for a whole week. But I know he'll be checking his emails from work here at home. France and England don't shut down at the same time. So he does some of his office work here. Then he watches payed per view wrestling Jerry Springer all day long.

At least he will leave me alone I hope. Last time he was home I had to go see what he was calling me for every few hours or so. He gets into these "I've got to build something or I'll just die" fits. I usually either end up having to go inspect his work when he calls me to or having to call a professional to come out to fix what he messed with around the house. It was a plumber last time. Gawd I hope he learned from that escapade.

Friday, July 2, 2010

July 4th Weekend

It's the 4th of July on Sunday. Perfect day for a holiday, right? So Act like it you lousy bums !
Fly the flag high and proud and have your cookouts and fireworks. Fight off the hordes of ants in the pants, biting bugs and mosquitoes. Go Tubing down the river or boating or whatever you do on the 4th but make it a safe one. I want to see your crazy recovering from a drunken haze and overindulged fat asses back here on Monday morning bright and early... well maybe not so early. I'll give you some time to recuperate.
BUT KEEP IT A SAFE AND HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!

What I Need is More Minions

WOW !!!
I have 11 minions followers as of this morning. Thank You all very much !!! I am deeply touched in the head honored that you like reading my crap blog. Really, Thank You so much !!!!

Just letting y'all know the news today cause I don't have much going on in my life right now. My back pain is kicking my ass as usual...nothing new there. Let's see ...got a refill on my lovely best friends Darvocet and Skelaxin. Had blood drawn for my doctors appointment next week. Not looking forward to the weigh-in but hell, I can't dance either. Whatever. Ummmm... oh yeah  Hurricane Alex peed rained a little bit on us yesterday and last night. We got nothing like the possibility of  3 to 5 inches of rain as predicted.But a little is better then nothing at all.

I was playing some more in Youtube this morning and found some more funny stuff. I love playing around in there.  Anywho, I found this funny car commercial that cracked me up... you gotta check this out if you haven't yet done that.  Even though I hate rap music...this is cute. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ql-N3F1FhW4
 

Ah yes, I almost forgot!!!  Mother Moon is having a fantastic Giveaway. It's more like 3 giveaways really. I've been following her for a while now and she has an awesome blog. So go check her out. Read her blog and enter to win.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

My Hubby/Plaything, David and I were talking about airlines and how many of them have gone really downhill in the past years except one. We love flying on Southwest Airlines when we can. One reason I guess is that they are always nice and they get us to where we are going on time and the flight attendants are funny as shit.
Well I was cruising through Youtube. com and I found this this morning and wanted to share
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvdCFYLf_JI
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